Mass Absolution: Mass Symphony 2
by bluekrishna
Summary: Covers the whole ME2 arc, with extra at the beginning and at the end. All Garrus POV. Starts angsty, ends fluffy. I took liberties with the story but overall kept it intact. I think Shepard is smart enough to delegate, don't you? There are parts that make little sense without reading Mass Symphony, so take the time if you can. Rated M for sexytimes and language.
1. Chapter 1

Mass Absolution

A/N: This is the sequel to Mass Symphony. Bioware owns all things Mass Effect-y...and my slightly used soul.

Chapter 1:

_He clenched his fist in her red hair, gripping it painfully tight in his hand. He knew he was hurting her and part of him rejoiced in it. He ground her face into the wall as he thrust into her from behind with abandon. Bruises and lacerations covered the whole of her naked back, he ran his other hand down her spine in a sick imitation of affection. As he came, pleasure building to a blinding heat, he forced her to look at him and his heart stopped in shock as he stared into a teen aged girl's face, green eyes wide and empty in death. The howl started somewhere deep in his gut-_

And ended up a rather soft grunt that left his mouth with a whoosh as he pried his eyes open, the nightmare fleeing back into his fevered brain. Deep, shuddering breaths left him, piling upon one another until he was sure he was actually awake. The lurid red light in his apartment washed the whole room in blood, red blood. Careful of his aching head, he turned onto his back and sat up. A soft moan pulled his attention to a pile of sheets and bare skin in the bed next to him. The light flowed over the asari whore's blue skin, mottling it in the color of fresh bruises. Garrus choked back bile as his mind flashed back to his dream.

He grabbed one of the many half empty bottles of liquor off his nightstand, letting the bitter liquid wash the taste of vomit down his throat. Without a word, he swung out of bed and stalked out into the living room. He sat, uncaring of his nakedness, in a chair facing the door, picking up his sniper rifle, pulling it apart with a precision born of practice and endless drills. The habit was comforting. He cleaned the disparate parts of his weapon lovingly. Really, it was the only friend he had any more.

As much as he willed himself to stop, his mind kept returning to the nightmare that woke him. It wasn't the first time it had occurred, or countless other similar scenarios had invaded his night time hours. These weren't even the worst of them. The worst ones were from memory, reminding him of a time when things were right with the world, when he had someone out there who thought he was worth a damn. The true things always hurt more. Though it was getting hard to tell what was true any more. The flash of her eyes in the dark mako, the way she said his name. Spirits, he wished he could rip that part of his brain out.

Footsteps behind him told him that his guest was awake. Out of his peripheral vision, he saw her hand gliding toward his face and caught it tightly in his talons before she could touch him. A soft hiss escaped his throat as he watched her narrowly. Her face hardened as she pulled her hand back. She instead held it out to him, palm up. He pressed some credit chits in the bowl of her hand, more than they'd agreed on and told himself as she left that it wasn't because of the blood he'd seen on her lip or the bruise on her shoulder.

A sound suspiciously like a whimper left his lips, then. How far he'd fallen, still felt like he was falling, a never ending spiral into degradation. He felt helpless, and hopeless. Omega was fast teaching him that there was no rock-bottom to hit, that it just didn't matter. He'd thought he was helping by taking out some thugs and a few druglords, and maybe things did get better for a short time, but there was always someone ready to step in and pick up the slack in the criminal underworld. More and more often, nowadays he daydreamed that maybe it would be better just to crash this station into a nearby moon, but he knew that it would just start over again on some other rock.

He'd put together a small team of like-minded soldiers, ex-mercenaries and...assorted others. There wasn't the easy trust that had been on the Normandy, each of them only had their own murderous interests at heart. Garrus knew that this was mostly because of him, because he was tainted, because he wasn't and could never be _her. _They only had the comraderie of vengeance to keep them united and functioning as a unit. These people, his people, he didn't love them, but he respected each of them for their skills, and he allowed himself a tiny bit of pride at their kill count to date. They were growing bolder, their strikes not as surgical as they used to be, and Garrus feared for the day when his inability to lead led them all down a darker path.

He was finding that he was hoping the Reapers would show up soon, so he could be spared the thought of what he would become if things continued like this.


	2. Chapter 2

Shower, eat, check his weapon, put on his armor, the daily routine soothed him, the only constant in his tumultuous life. Garrus washed the flavor of stale alcohol out of his mouth with more alcohol before he left his apartment. The corridors were lousy with people, jostling each other and him as they went about their daily wretched lives. He tried to calm himself down before he decided to kill them all. Had to remind himself firmly that these were not hardened criminals, that they were only guilty of tiny everyday evils like pettiness and greed. That he had to remind himself at all was a very bad sign.

Every once in a while, a flash of red would catch his eye, he would turn his head to see if that flash was curly red hair bouncing around a heart-shaped face. Impossible he knew, because that face was two years gone, flung from a dying ship to burn in the atmosphere of a planet far from here. It didn't stop his head from turning anyway.

Garrus wondered, not for the first time, if he wasn't coming just the slightest bit unhinged. _Maybe more than a bit,_ Shepard whispered in his ear. He jerked his head in denial, a vorcha bumped into the suddenly stopped turian from behind. The scavenger started to snarl at him but abruptly cut off when Garrus tapped his pistol meaningfully, saw the menacing glitter in his eye. Garrus continued on his way, unwanted thoughts crowding the forefront of his mind, he latched onto the most important one, _Spirits, I need a drink._

Afterlife was as loud and garish as ever, he shouldered his way to the bar and ordered a double, then strolled to a low couch and sat with a sigh. Thankfully, this corner was dimly lit, a welcome respite to his overworked eyes. He leaned his head back against the wall, watching the bar around him through slitted eyes. He watched a familiar figure wander over to him and set a fresh drink down on the small table in front of him. He nodded to her, "Weaver."

She sat next to him, sipping on her own drink, a concoction that smelled of that earth fruit, strawberries, "Vakarian."

They sat in silence, just watching the dancers, Garrus drummed his fingers on the back of the couch where he'd draped his arm, "The others?"

"Waiting." _For him,_ her tone implied. He was well aware that it seemed each day, he got moving later and later. His team knew to stay out of his business though. It's not like there was a rush. Plenty of blood to go around. And he was the man with the plan. The others couldn't coordinate taking two shits without him. "Drink yourself to sleep again?"

"Beyond, even." He grinned savagely at her, _To oblivion. Not far enough, though for the nightmares to not find me. I'll try harder tonight._ He downed his drink and the one she brought for him, then drawled, "Well, let's go find some trouble."

Weaver grinned, saluting him with her glass before tossing it back.

With that the two predators left, to join the rest of their pack.

* * *

As operations go, it went smoothly, without the sloppiness that had creeped in around the edges of most of their vigilante work lately. His memory fed him an image of himself smashing a batarian slaver repeatedly in the face, after torturing the man for what had felt like hours. But this, this didn't smack of personal. It felt good to look down the scope into a well constructed kill box and use a single bullet to finish off their objective. The slender salarian dropped almost gracefully as Garrus' shot opened up his cranium. _Scratch one more gangleader, _he thought with satisfaction and contempt. Really they made it too easy.

A chirp on his omnitool told him that the rest of his team had dispatched the target's bodyguards. Setting this up had taken longer than the actual deed. He enjoyed the meticulousness of it, working through a plan, using the environment to trap the unsuspecting saps that he corralled into it. He did love the elegance in a well executed mission. _Wonder if she felt the same...thrill._

The others knew where to find him. He could hear the thump of Afterlife's music calling him, a siren song promising, but never quite delivering, forgetfulness.

It was like he'd never moved, never went out for a quick spell to hunt and murder a man. He was back on that couch, becoming a regular fixture in that corner of the bar, drinking his liquor, trying to lose himself in the beat of the bass vibrating up through his feet all the way up to his fringe. He exchanged knowing glances with the members of his team who wandered through the bar. They never spoke, much, outside of the hunt. Too much risk. They met briefly to hash out a strategy and that was all. Oh, he found out things. Never did like not knowing the people around him, at least the why of how they came to be in his team.

A lot of their stories were quite similar. Weaver used to be a slaver, then she got ousted and got to experience being a slave, which turned an already vicious woman into a vicious, vindictive woman. Erash and Vortash, the batarians, used to be terrorists until Blue Suns mercs recruited the others of their group and subsequently turned them loose on batarian colonies, now they just wanted to kill mercs. Sensat, Monteague and Melanis had all lost someone to the voracious meat grinder that was Omega. Meirin and Butler were ex-Alliance soldiers who believed in the dream, that they could make a difference here on this corrupt piece of space trash. Grundan Krul was just one angry sonovabitch krogan, his reasons were all muddled up in the red sand traffic on Omega. The one who was most like him was Ripper, the asari commando, Garrus wondered briefly if you could really be an _ex_-commando. Ripper was running away, but she was too proud to work as a merc and had too much dignity to work as a stripper for Aria, so she fell neatly into his troupe, giving them a much needed biotic edge. Then there was Sidonis.

Garrus paused to consider their newest recruit, that Sidonis' bondmate had been sadistically murdered by Blood Pack mercs was no lie. Garrus had overheard reports on the incident himself from what passed as a sorry excuse for a policing force on the station. But the turian killed enthusiastically, so Garrus put aside his misgivings.

As the drinks started to flow more freely, Garrus' mind was getting fuzzier and fuzzier. He welcomed the deadening of his senses as an old friend, but stopped short of falling down drunk. It was never safe to do that in Afterlife and besides, he could always finish up at the apartment. He bought some beverages at the bar and stumbled back to the only place he felt like he could take off his armor, real and metaphorical. _It wasn't home,_ he snorted as he turned down offers of companionship,_ not by a long shot._

He palmed the biometric lock and fell in as the door opened, not realizing that he'd been leaning on said door. It closed behind him as he lay on the floor, he tapped his omnitool to lock it securely, the green circle turning red. He started removing his armor from where he lay, throwing it to the side negligently. Finally stripped, he lay on the cool decking taking mental stock.

1: Alcoholic beverages, _check, _he thought, dragging one of the bottles to him and taking a deep quaff.

2: Apartment, _check, _he thought again, waving his free hand vaguely.

3: One drunk miserable failure of a turian, he took a deep unhappy breath.

_Check_, Shepard whispered sadly in his mind. His heart thumped painfully, the flash of shame he felt was almost an agony. He dropped his forearm over his eyes, grimacing. _But you weren't always this way._

Garrus didn't even bother trying to block her out, answering out loud instead, "What do you want from me, Shepard? You're just in my head. You're not out here, with me."

He went through another bottle of quarian beer before she decided to speak up again,_ I see you. I am here, with you. That's why you dream about me every night._

_"_I don't want you here, to see me, like this. Have mercy, Jane. Please." He keened that last word, almost writhing on the floor. He thought of solutions, he could eat a bullet, or find an airlock, or just run into a wall until his brains were dashed out onto the floor of this stinking place.

He stilled when his fevered imagination conjured a feeling of a five fingered hand running along his shivering mandible, _Have faith._

His omnitool started beeping. Not late enough to pass off being out for the night, not drunk enough, either. He flipped on the audio link, "Yeah?"

Sidonis' voice in his ear, an urgent edge to it, "Archangel, I found a contact who can get us Garm. He wants to meet tonight, says we only have this one chance."

A pleasant spike of anger rushed along his nerves. Finally, a chance to finish what he'd started in a darkened alley a few weeks ago. Garrus sat up, coughing to clear his head, "Where?"

"Down by the space docks, 0300 hours."

"On it. Good catch, Sidonis." He started to gather his armor up and started strapping it all on. Loaded up on weapons and heatsinks, too...Just in case.

* * *

_Truly, the Spirits have abandoned me. _The thought was almost calm in the storm of rage and guilt that was his mind. He cradled that last surviving member of his team in his arms tenderly, keening as the medi-gel failed to staunch the flow of blood over his hands. Ripper gazed up at him tranquilly, her words coming out around swollen lips, "We got a message to meet you here. Should have known it wasn't you, that something wasn't right. You never want to just hang out."

He took in the cases of beer that littered the floor, most of them destroyed now. They weren't even prepared for a fight. They were just planning on a few drinks like actual comrades. He appealed to every Power that was out there to let him save this one, just this one. But of course, he had never been able to save anyone. If only he hadn't waited so long for Sidonis' contact, if only he'd actually cared enough about his team to know where they were. His fault, _his_ fault.

The dying asari shook her head, "No, Archangel. This isn't your fault. You always were too hard on yourself."

"They...have the perimeter surrounded, Ripper. There's no getting out to find help." He looked down at her sadly, he could see her life ebbing away. She reached up to touch his face, smearing her blood over his mandible. "I-I'm sorry."

"Goddess watch over you, Garrus Vakarian." Her benediction fell on deaf ears, his heart was drumming in his ears so loud now that it drowned her out. Her eyes drifted shut. He lay her down gently, then lifted himself up in a crouch. He stayed there for a while, just looking at her cooling body, its spirit fled. And the longer he stared, the angrier he got and, strangely enough, the happier he got.

He would die here, among them. His guilt at not seeing them for the heroes they were and the friends they could have been if he had not kept them away with his own personal demons was assuaged by the thought that he would fight to the last breath, take as many of the bastards with him as he could. And finally, finally there would be an end.


	3. Chapter 3

Days and days now and they weren't giving up. Garrus' thought processes were slowing down with exhaustion, no more clever strategies and creative solutions. Just this. Just his scope and the fools who wandered haplessly into it. This place was well stocked, he had made sure of it. In fact, he'd picked it for its defensibility when they were looking for a meeting place, at the beginning of this endeavor. He remembered thinking one man could hold off an army for days, good to know he was correct in his surmise.

Taking the gunship with a well placed round, he turned smugly to his phantom companion. Shepard gave him one of her sweetest smiles and a thumbs up, but pointed back at the bridge. He nodded in thanks. She was always looking out for him, spotting the mercs his flagging attention sometimes missed, giving him pointers on where to place his mill dots. Which was funny, because Shepard didn't know the barrel from the ass on a sniper rifle. When he asked her where she learned that, she just smiled like it was a secret. He didn't feel so alone when she was there with him, even if she stayed just out of reach.

The whole thing had taken on an surreal feelling, like they were kids playing house. Just he and...Shepard, taking out the baddies in between walking the dog and taking out the trash. Part of his mind recoiled from examining this too closely. He might fly apart at the seams if he did. A deep seated voice, even deeper than the Shepard voice that was now congratulating him on a perfect headshot, was telling him that he was truly in the woods now, off the deep end, had a few loose screws, was a sandwich short of a pic-a-nic. He sternly told that voice that if he was going to die, then what did it matter and to remind him to_ thank_ Joker later on for all these useful human idioms...preferably with a kick in the face.

Provided they didn't think up anything clever, _heh heh, clever mercs_, he thought with a warbly sort of chuckle, back to the point, provided they didn't think up anything clever, he probably had stores of ammo and nutrient paste to last another...week, maybe? Oh, good job, all around. Garrus didn't think he'd be able to stay awake for that long, so maybe the end will come sooner rather than later. Good, because Shepard was smiling way too much. In the old days, when Shepard smiled, it was like a gift. Or a rare stone, blazing in the dark. Ugh, now he was getting all maudlin.

He injected himself with another stimshot, the chemicals burning their way through his veins, strengthening flagging muscles and sharpening dulled wit. When he opened his eyes, Shepard was no where in sight._ Probably checking the doors on the lower levels. We'd be screwed if they ever decided to come through there._

He turned his attention back to the bridge, where another wave of freelance idiots were making their way towards him. He gripped his rifle, drumming his fingers on it whilst humming. He snapped it up to his shoulder and unleashed the whole clip, dropping the whole vanguard in rapid succession. _Nice, _he thought smugly, making a little game of it. Letting some of them get almost to the end of the bridge before picking them off. While he was doing this, he caught a very different sort of movement at the far end.

_Hmmm, __someone knew what they were doing_, he thought tracking the movement without the scope for now, content just to analyze it objectively. _Small insertion squad, for infiltration or distraction? Something terribly familiar... _

Finally, his curiosity got the better of him, plus they were moving up the bridge far too quickly for his comfort, so he brought the trio into scope. A dark skinned man and a long haired woman followed a small figure in armor, moving in that easy tandem that spoke of advanced training. His mouth was suddenly dry as dark little thoughts fluttered around the edge of his suddenly too silent brain,_ Oh no nonono. It's not possible._

It was a woman, petite but with an aura of command that he could feel from up here, unmistakable because he'd once danced to its tune, too. He could feel the pull of it, trying to drag him into her orbit. Her voice, _her voice_ drifted up to him where he sat dumbfounded, not even caring that some of the freelancers had crossed the bridge he'd had locked down for days now. He couldn't seem to keep his scope from trembling long enough to take in the woman's face. But the movement was all Shepard, he saw the boneless way she dropped into cover, the roll of her hips as she ran and leapt over some piece of debris. His breath was coming in irregular little spurts as he tried to clear the little black spots that threatened to take away his vision. _That can't be me, I'm right here, Garrus. _said a voice in his ear.

_Don't do this to me, please Spirits, anybody, I can't- _He screamed in his head while he turned his head to face his erstwhile companion, the Shepard in his head. She gestured to the other Shepard, _I'm dead. I can't be down there. Go on, pop her in the shields. You'll see she isn't real, not like me._

His hand came up slowly, switching out his ammo for concussive rounds. As he let fly two rounds, he saw that tiny Shepard down there unload her shotgun into the merc in front of her. His rounds bounced off her shields, making her stumble and rub her shoulder. She was close enough that he could see her face, the grimace that immediately smoothed out into an impassive stare she leveled at his nest. _Spirits, no. If that is her, I won't be able to bear it. She'll see how low I've been brought._

_"They're with Archangel!" _Came a yell from the mercs still remaining. With brutal efficiency, the ghost and her two followers decimated the mercenary forces on the bridge, all the way up to where Garrus crouched, shaking and sweating in his armor. He heard them moving behind him, warily approaching his turned back. Garrus felt the pressure of her regard on the back of his neck. Abject terror coiled in his gut, along with a feeling he hadn't felt for years. The tiniest flicker of hope trailed icy fingers up his spine.

Heard her take a breath, "Archangel?"

He was so close to coming undone, a breath...a moment was all he needed to get back under control. He pled silently with a hand for a moment, picking off a merc absentmindedly while he struggled with his emotions. _Just look, just look at her._

He stood and turned, finally finding some modicum of courage way deep down in his battered soul. Peeling his helmet off, he sat on an ammo crate, legs propped up on a low box in front of him. Finally, he allowed his eyes to drift to her, roaming over her features looking for confirmation that this wasn't a dream, that this was actually happening, finding no such reassurance. His perception was so skewed from true that it couldn't confirm or deny reality any more. He gulped in some air, croaking hoarsely, "Shepard...I...thought you were dead."

He winced at his inadequacy, trying to keep the pain out of his voice. His entire frame shook like he'd taken a concussive blast when an expression of joy lit up her face, her voice strident, "Garrus!"

Her arms came up and she seemed to step a few faltering steps forward, wanting to embrace him, stopping short as she really looked at him, "What are you doing here?"

He leaned away from her slightly, not wanting to touch her and shatter this illlusion, "Just keeping my skills sharp. A little target practice."

She glanced back at her two subordinates, as though she couldn't speak freely in front of them, lowering her voice, "Are you okay?"

He almost lost it then, quelling an insane laugh with difficulty. A dead woman was asking him if he was okay. It was too much, too far beyond his ability to comprehend right now so he just went with it, even as a part of him told him not to savor this fantasy too much, "I've...been better. Good to see a friendly face."

Yeah, he could do this. Pretend that he's normal, that this whole crazy shitball was normal. "Killing mercs is hard work. Especially on my own."

She rolled her shoulders back, _Spirits, I can even smell her_, this was turning out to be a very convincing hallucination. She said, "You got me good a couple times, by the way."

He showed her his loadout, and its display that read concussive rounds. She quirked her eyebrow at him, "Uh-huh."

Just a second of irritation, that this cunning phantom couldn't be bothered to use whole sentences, wanted to rail at her as he'd done in some of his nightmares, _where were you, why weren't you there, you promised_, "If I wanted to do more than take down your shields, I'd have done it. Besides, you were taking your sweet time. I had to get you moving."

This was coming easier, now if he could only get rid of the flickering image of that other Shepard capering around the edge of his vision. He watched the ghostly Jane stand next to her namesake, leaning in as if to whisper something in her ear. He hoped it wasn't about some of the things he'd done here. His eyes were drawn back to the piercing green ones as he realized she had asked him a question. Something about pissing off the merc bands. ah, yes.

He looked down so she wouldn't see the shame of his failure in his face, "It wasn't easy. I really had to work at it. I am actually amazed they teamed up to fight me. They must really hate me."

It was clear she had more questions, but Garrus silentlly begged her for reprieve. He could see a flash of hurt in her eyes. Sighing, her face became a serene mask, something he now hated because he'd seen the glory hidden under it, "Well, we got up here but I don't think getting out will be as easy."

He stood and turned from that hated facade, "No, it won't. That bridge has saved my life...funneling all those witless idiots into scope. But it works both ways. They'll slaughter us if we try to go that way."

The woman with Shepard spoke up for the first time, "So we just sit here and wait for them to take us out?"

Garrus rubbed his fringe, shooting her a glare, _I don't know you human, I didn't ask for you to join my delusional breakdown. _But, best not to show all his cards yet so he instead said, "It's not all that bad. This place has held them off so far. And with the.._.three_ of you...I suggest we hold this location. Wait for a crack in their defenses, and take our chances. It's not a perfect plan, but it's a plan."

She looked at him, coolly, "If we fight as a team, we'll hold them off."

_Yes, we'll fight them off. _The other Shepard smiled sadly at him, _T__hen you'd better have some answers. You know how I like my answers._

He shuddered in fear, and the woman in front of him glanced over at the empty space he was staring into, a tiny frown creasing her forehead.

_Or, I'm already lying in a puddle of my own blood and they've breached the base because my craziness has spawned me an imaginary army. _Either way, he could do with some certainty. He watched both Shepards go downstairs with the human woman, the dark skinned male guarded his flank. Odd that his brain could create hallucinations of people he'd never met but not provide him with their names...that alone halfway convinced him this might, just might actually be happening.

* * *

Now he was coming to regret his earlier prophetic thoughts as he was indeed lying in a pool of spreading blue. Pain seared the right side of his face and he could hear his breath savagely grinding in and out, almost panting. His blurred vision was filled with _her_ face, and whether or not she was actually there, he was suddenly, fiercely glad to see her, that she was here, at the end of all things. He could feel the pressure of her hands on his armor, on his neck to help staunch the blood. He reached up and grazed her jaw with a talon. With the last of his strength, he dragged his rifle to his chest. It was as much a part of him as his fringe or mandibles. He slipped into darkness, content at last.


	4. Chapter 4

He drifted in limbo, for once his dreams were blissfully absent of her presence. He was in Afterlife, sharing a drink with his team. They'd all come out to congratulate him, but he couldn't quite remember what for. They were making jokes at Butler's expense, the man didn't have a head anymore and he was trying to tell a story with just his hands. Garrus draped his arm companionably across Sensat's shoulders as the salarian tried to put his eye back in. He laughed with them easily, like his worries and fears had dissipated, well, maybe they had. Maybe he was dead, maybe this is the afterlife. Ha, he laughed at his own joke. Some kind of causal nexus, a waystation for souls that just happened to share the name of a bar on the mortal side of the great divide. Garrus looked around, _And the same interior designer._

_Hey, guys, sorry I got you all killed. _He thought at them, knowing that in this place that it would be heard. They turned to him, beaming smiles from all corners, _S'alright, Garrus. Shit happens. It wasn't you._

He watched Meirin pull a fresh beer from Grundan Kul's open body cavity, the two men locked in a heated debate over guns. Looked on as Weaver helped sew Ripper's arm back on. This would be morbid if it wasn't so very surreal.

Wait, if he was dead, then where was Shepard? He looked for her at the bar, watching for that telltale flash of red hair. He had to find her, he had stories to tell her, so many stories and maybe beg for her forgiveness for all the things he'd done to her, real and imaginary. He excused himself from the party and strolled around the bar looking for her, getting worried when he had no luck in his search. No, she had to be here, somewhere. The powers that ran the joint wouldn't be so cruel as to keep her from him even in death, would they?

_Of course they would, when have they ever granted you peace or happiness, _his inner cynic prodded him. For the first time in this place, Garrus felt pain. In his chest. Where a beating heart used to be.

He denied that voice,_ When they gave me Shepard._

_And don't you just hate them for giving you such a wonder and then so callously ripping it away. _He tried to shut the words out, but they were inside his head, how do you silence your thoughts? There was no sound to block with hands over ears, no tongue to rip out. The words harangued him as he was filled with panic, he started running through the jumbled shadows of the bar, calling her name.

* * *

"-Shepard-" He woke with a start, vision blurry. Nothing new, but this didn't feel like a hangover. He was remarkably lucid. Hands pushed him back down onto some kind of narrow bed, he reached up to feel his visor, its familiar pressure absent. Almost panicked when his hands met nothing. Something was pressed into his palm, ah, his visor. He relaxed instantly, thumb rubbing over the etched names lovingly, content now that he knew he hadn't lost it.

Slowly, memories started to intrude on his waking mind. Last thing he recalled was a rocket zipping almost lazily toward his head in a dingy apartment with ten corpses in it. Then brightness, heat, a much loved voice calling his name, and a remarkable lack of agony. That is, until someone tried to move him, then the torment made him black out.

Something was wrong with his face, a stiffness accompanied by an echo of the pain in his memory. He couldn't bring himself to touch it, convinced that half his head was missing. He felt a touch of chagrin that his team didn't tell him that he was missing parts of his face, the type of chagrin that usually followed an observation that his fly was down.

He heard voices chatting quietly nearby.

"No, no. Full functionality. Must keep bandages on for a time. Shouldn't interfere with...mission." That was a salarian if he ever heard one. Words seemed to crowd out of that mouth like a bunched up queue of panicked people leaving a burning building.

"Well, his life signs are stable, for now. The Commander will be most pleased." He must have made some noise, because he didn't realize his eyes had shot open until two faces swam into view.

"Ah, awake. Aware. Pupils dilating, normal. Cybernetics functioning...Success." He focused on the small white clothed figure. It was grinning almost hideously at him in self satisfaction. It, no he, held a hand out magnanimously, "Mordin Solus."

The...plague doctor. On Omega...was he still on Omega? Didn't have the ground in smell of piss and shit like the station. Garrus sat up suddenly, much to the two doctors' dismay. He waved away their protests while he took a good look around. It was a medbay, the hum in the decks seemed to indicate that they were on a ship, in motion. He rasped out, "I've...heard of you."

"And I you. Always pleased to meet a fellow philanthropist." The salarian turned away then, repeating under his breath, amusedly, "Hmmm, fellow philanthropist." He abruptly left, the door sliding closed behind him.

Garrus peered around, there was something eerily familiar about this place. He looked out of the windows of the medbay into a large galley. He couldn't quite make his mind put two and two together until a tap on his shoulder made him turn around and stare into a face that suddenly seemed to belong here and only here. "Chakwas."

"Officer Vakarian." Her voice pulled at his memories and he clenched his mandibles, or mandible anyway since the right one didn't seem to want to cooperate, to stem the flow of unwanted images. Her face smiled kindly at him, "Need a drink?"

_Oh Spirits, yes. _He dropped his head into the palm of his left hand and she put a glass of amber liquid in his right. He threw back the turian brandy in one go and she silently refilled his glass. He sighed, feeling a little more grounded as the alcohol burned a path into his stomach. He waited until he could feel the warmth spreading through his guts before looking at the human doctor again. "This is the...Normandy."

"Yes." She looked at him, archly, over the rim of her glass, just like she had so very long ago.

"It's different...but the...same." He was struggling to find words for what he meant, looking for answers in the bottom of the glass like a fortune teller divining tea leaves. "You...finally bought the good stuff."

"Hmmm. Good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, Garrus." She was wrong, he'd lost it all, why else would he be on this ghost ship with the noble dead. It smacked of that ghost story the humans tell, about some ship called the Flying Dutchman, doomed to sail the ocean of stars forever. He wondered if he had somehow jumped ship out of his personal afterlife into Shepard's. It made an appalling sort of sense that this would be where her higher powers would send her.

He suddenly felt the overwhelming need to see her, the bottom dropped out of his hard won rationality. Shepard was here, Shepard was _always_ here, the Normandy was part of her. He lunged to his feet, then looked down at his nakedness. "Uh-where's my armor?"

Chakwas gestured to the pile of his hardsuit on one of the other beds. She watched him with kind and pitying eyes as he slapped on his armor. He shut it out, knowing that he didn't deserver either. He paused when he got to his chestpiece, ran his hands over the _hole_ in the collar of it, char coming away on his fingertips. "It's looking a little worse for wear."

He ignored this as he strapped it on, breathing a sigh of relief when the last seal was in place. More than physically, it was a barrier between him and this inexplicable _happenstance. _He looked at her askance, "The Commander-?"

Chakwas swiveled her chair so she was facing her monitors, saying offhandedly, "Take the lift up to CIC. She's in the conference room directly aft of the galaxy map."

He scrambled out with unseemly haste, but slowed quickly as each step became an agony of indecision. Thoughts roiled around in his head as he stared dazedly around at this place that seemed so...damned familiar, yet was changed in almost every regard. For one it seemed larger, or maybe he was smaller. Like poor Alice when confronted with a bottle labeled, 'drink me'. That made him think of Ashley, was she around here, too? He grimaced, both hoping and fearing that it was so.

He squinted on the insignia on the uniform of a passing crewmember. _Cerberus? _Was this Shepard's version of hell? Surely, she didn't deserve to be cast into the inferno, no god could be so cruel.

_Gods are cruel, _whispered his mind.

He was still contemplating what he could possiblly say to her when he came upon the door to the conference room Chakwas asserted was indeed where a dead woman could be found. Words drifted to him from behind that door, hers and one other. He palmed the lock and waited in terror.

"-full functionality. But-" Both humans looked up at him. But he only had eyes for one, and he couldn't drag them away from her.

Garrus heard himself say, "Shepard."

The dark skinned male made a sort of throaty chortle, "_Tough_ son of a bitch...didn't think he'd be up yet."

His gaze was full of her face, watching the tentative hope there flickering like a candle in the rain. Felt more shame when it died, unanswered. He rubbed his neck, deflecting any questions with a quip, "Nobody would give a mirror. How bad is it?"

She rolled her weight back onto one heel, hip cocked in a way that was poignantly familiar, "Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Just slap some face paint on there and no one'll even notice."

A hysterical little laugh bubbled out of him, "Ugh, don't make me laugh. My face is barely holding together as it is. Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are krogan."

He watched the man in the Cerberus uniform snap Shepard an Alliance salute, and walk by him to the exit. Listened for the door to close, suddenly aware that he was now alone in this room with a ghost. He didn't know if he was glad or horrified. He forced himself not to bolt as she walked closer to him, staying just out of reach. Always just out of reach. His memories were starting to jumble again as he tried to reconcile the Shepard before him and the Shepard in his mind's eye.

Her hair was much longer, but it was the same color it always was, the brilliant color of flame. He wondered if it still smelled the same. Her eyes were the same pools of green flecked with gold that they were, only with worrisome orange lights at the back that reminded him of the way predator's eyes caught the light in the dark. Most troubling were the scars across her cheeks, no, not scars because they were open, not weeping blood but showing circuitry and those selfsame lights under the skin. He felt her grow troubled under his regard and phantom or no, he just stopped himself from touching her, "Frankly, I'm more worried about you. Cerberus?"

"That's why I'm glad you're here, Garrus." She was so close, his control was slipping, he was really quite terrified that she'd see the lie he was making of himself. Pretending to stand strong in her presence, when all he wanted to do was fall at her feet and grovel, begging forgiveness. She looked at him, her voice dropping just a little, "If I'm walking into hell, I want someone I trust at my side."

He looked at her for a time, willing himself to be what she needed him to be, trying to hold it together long enough, to keep the pathetic hope out of his voice, "You do realize that this has me walking into hell, too...Just like old times."

He couldn't quite hide the naked longing in his tone and she shot him a pained smile.

He shook his head free of disquieting thoughts for now. If he was cursed to spend eternity in Shepard's private hell, he would do so gladly if it meant being near her again, "I'm fit for duty whenever you...need me, Shepard. I'll settle in and see what I can do with the forward batteries."

Garrus all but fled through the doors, unable to look at her any more without collapsing.


	5. Chapter 5

_You'd think being dead meant no more dreams,_ He thought, wryly to himself. Not a moment ago, he had started awake, lurching out of his cramped little cot and thrown himself at a wall, coming to his senses only when the pain in his hands screamed at him to stop trying to disembowel a bulkhead. In his dream, he was in a dark place, caged like a varren, only when he looked down, he saw only pale bruised skin and five long graceful fingers instead of three blunt taloned ones. Shadows advanced on him from outside the bars and the gates opened just enough to allow one very turian shaped shadow to enter.

Garrus yelped in a high pitched voice when his fragile hands were gripped and yanked forward. Slowly, the hands on the ends of his pale pale arms rose up to the shadow's mouth, which opened in a sickening leer. Unimaginable pain, as those sharp teeth ripped the tiny digit on the outside of his right hand free. A scream erupted from him. The fiend was moving his other fingers into its mouth, and the last thing he remembered seeing before he woke so violently was the flash of blue on the monster's face, blue marks he knew he would see if he looked in a mirror.

He'd just finished being sick into one of his spare crates when a ping on his omnitool signaled that they were about to make planetfall. He wiped the sleep from his eyes as he blearily read the ship-wide alert. 'Korlus orbit achieved."

A blue glow to his right told him that the ship's AI, EDI had intruded on his solitude again, "Commander Shepard wishes you and Miss Goto to join her on the shuttle, Officer Vakarian."

"Tell her I'll be there." Reluctanctly, he dressed and left his sanctuary, swishing his mouth out with alcohol in the galley to wash the rancid taste of vomit from it.

"I regret to inform you that ingesting alcoholic beverages before a mission could compromise the squad and its objectives."

"Think of it as sterilizing mouthwash, I'm not swallowing it." He rolled his eyes at the glowing blue ball.

"Indeed, analysis of the air particles when you exhale suggest less than .0003% blood alcohol level." He wished the AI had a neck to wring, maybe he'd swing by the AI core later and pull some wires, see if that was satisfying, "Commander Shepard is requesting data on, as she puts it, 'Why the hell is it taking so long?'"

"Tell her that her pet computer is flirting with me, thus delaying me." There was silence, he imagined it shocked, nearly laughed out loud when he pictured a woman's face, blushing with jaw agape, hand at chest.

"I was not 'flirting' with you."

"You know I'm irresistible." He drawled, leaning on the console where she, impossible not to think of it as a she, floated, dropping his chin into his palm and tried to make googley eyes at her.

"Shepard is waiting." With that, she popped out of existence. That was almost fun. He couldn't help but to try to get a rise out of the machine. He sauntered to the elevator and pushed the button to make it descend.

* * *

Fighting with her again...It was heaven. And it was hell. She still moved like a force of nature, still commanded with such grace. He did everything she asked of him, how could he not. And it physically pained him to look at her, with her placid face so carefully still. It hurt that he couldn't turn away, like she was the sun and he was some kind of plant, drawing nourishment from her presence. She never looked at him, either. It had to be deliberate avoidance. There was a...wall between them now and he had no idea how to breach it, no clue how he would even begin to explain his detestable failures to her. He didn't blame her, not a bit for withdrawing, he was not worthy any more.

Kasumi flitted around the battlefield like a ghost, bringing a very controlled sort of mayhem to the enemy ranks. Her smile was the only thing he could see of her face, it was clear she understood the joy that could be found in battle. Garrus found himself liking the little thief, Shepard had always been good about bringing together opposing disciplines.

Okeer was prattling on about some krogan genetic cloning program to Shepard so Garrus turned his attention to the large tank on his right. He wiped a finger down the fogged glass, collecting condensation on his fingertip. He was forced to re-evaluate his assertion that none of this was real. Only reality was this grimly banal. Even more disquieting, the fact that it took him this long to come to terms with that. Okay, he was alive, Shepard was alive, Ashley...was still dead, the Normandy was resurrected so they could all fight the Reaper threat, or more immediately, the Collectors. Cerberus was throwing credits at them so they could have the best chance possible.

All at once, his mind balked at the prospect that all this was truly real, he'd been barely getting by on the hope that this was a hallucination of sorts. He knees almost buckled then and only a firm hand on his elbow kept him from toppling. Shepard's voice next to him, "Are you okay?"

He nodded, almost violently pulling his arm from her with more force than necessary, noting the flicker in her eyes with shame. There was a lot of shame in him where she was concerned, and oh how it burned. She turned on her heel without another word and with long strides, headed out to where the leader of this group of mercs was shouting over a P.A. system, Kasumi and Garrus were dragged along helplessly in her wake.

* * *

It was a long shuttle ride back to the Normandy. The tank was secured in the rear with netting, its contents sloshing gently. Kasumi was taking a nap next to him, bumping his shoulder occasionally. Garrus kept finding that his gaze was drawn to Shepard's hands, she was rubbing her palms together between her knees, elbows resting on her thighs. He was reassuring himself that all ten of her digits were still in place when he noticed that she was staring at_ his_ hands. Belatedly, he remembered that he left his gloves off because they were rubbing on the multitude of cuts over his knuckles. He crossed his arms, hiding his hands in the folds of his elbows.

Shepard's eyes drifted up to his, and their gazes locked for a excruciatingly long time. He watched her open her mouth just to close it again. Nothing more than a couple feet of air between them but it felt like a rift, insurmountable and treacherous. Her tongue came out to wet her lips, breathed out a little sigh, and a hardness came into her eyes, flinty and cold and she turned her face from him.

It was like a blow to the stomach, but he was a little glad, too. Maybe she finally saw the flaw in him, would give up on him. But he couldn't deny the anguish he felt.


	6. Chapter 6

He sat out the next few missions as she rotated out her crew randomly. If Garrus were to guess, he would say that Shepard was trying to find a group as solid as the ones she had on the SR-1. He would feel a tiny bit of pride at her difficulty replacing him if he weren't so sorrowful at her needing to. She recruited the convict, Jack, a violent woman who reminded him of Weaver, if Weaver had been a biotic powerhouse. Just as much baggage, too.

A message lit up his omnitool and he almost broke into a grin until he saw that the message was not from Shepard, but from one of his most trusted contacts on Omega. A response to a message he'd sent the week prior. _ 'S. is alive. Left Omega. Emptied stores and bank account. Somewhere in Citadel space. Be safe. -M.'_

He ground his teeth, clenching his eyes shut at the sudden wave of fury that rolled through his body. _Sidonis,_ the name meant betrayal in his soul. Ten men dead. TEN of _his_ men dead, because of that damned traitor. His earlier misgivings now justified, Garrus felt remorse at not trusting his instincts. Oh, when he found Sidonis, the things he would show him, what dark wonders he would work on that pathetic turian. His breath hissed out from between his teeth. Painfully slowly he typed out a response, instructing the word to spread out through his information network, to keep him updated. He was no shadow broker but he knew how to get results. Oh yes he did.

He spent some time dreaming up inventive ways to kill Sidonis while he tackled the calibrations on the Normandy's guns. It was tedious work and he was able to put it on the back burner of his mind, freeing the majority of his cognitive processes for thoughts of revenge.

In fact, revenge was the only thing on his mind in the days that followed. It had even suspended his Shepard obsession for the time being. He spent even less time in the common areas of the ship, returning to the routine he'd perfected on Omega. Wake, shower, eat, check his weapon, put on his armor, do a bit of work vis a vis the cannon, then get royally pissed until he could silence his brain with blessed drunken oblivion. Rinse, repeat.

Crewmembers stopped talking to him during his occasional forays out into the bright world outside of the battery, he ate his increasingly fewer meals alone, even EDI let him be. He felt like a cancer rotting away the heart of the ship and so, subconsciously, he starting cutting himself off from everything around him, trying to spare them the taint he was sure he was spreading.

* * *

_He ran up the stairs, past the fallen bodies, tried not to see that some of them weren't whole any more, ripped apart by ordinance. He got to the top flight just as Sensat breathed his last shuddering breath, heard a moan to his right. A heartbeat and he was at the side of the last surviving member of his troupe. Only it wasn't Ripper looking up at him kindly, but Shepard. He pulled her into a tight embrace._

_"Nonononono..."He breathed, he ran his hands through her long hair, pushing it gently out of her face, "I can't bear it-this isn't how it happened. Please don't let this be how it happened."_

_"You always were too hard on yourself," her voice was weak, Garrus keened when her pulse started to falter. _

_Over her cold body, he crouched, not angry or happy as he'd been in the true memory, but bereft, "Why did you leave me? You promised, you promised.."_

Hot and cold shivers ran through his body as he slowly awoke. That was by far the unkindest nightmare to date, he trembled at the power she still had over him. He looked at the chronometer on his omnitool. He'd only slept for two hours. Groggily, he sat up. The drink was wearing off faster and faster, he must be building a tolerance. Maybe it was time to switch to something harder, Chakwas was sure to have some sedatives in the medbay. No, he might have fallen far but not far enough to resort to thievery, not yet anyway.

There was nothing for it, he decided, getting up to start his routine. Soon enough he was back in the battery, pecking at the console of the main guns. He left his armor off because it was early and there was little to no chance of any of the crew walking in on him. The black underarmor was comfortable enough. He found himself lapsing for long periods of time just standing there, staring into space. He didn't even hear the doors of the battery slide open. Finally, the pressure of another presence in his personal space made him look around. Wincing, he dragged his eyes back up front, "Shepard. Need me for something?"

He heard the rustle of fabric as she settled herself against a wall, "Have you got a minute?"

"...Sure. Just checking the weapon systems. Never can be too careful." He focused a steady gaze on her, trying to figure out what she was doing here. She'd kicked him off her team, hadn't she? He watched her narrowly as she took a seat on a crate adjacent to him, "I thought I'd seen every weapon system in the galaxy in our fight against Saren. Mercenary work showed me otherwise.

"And now _Cerberus-"_ He stressed the organization's name, almost enjoying watching her wince. _Spirits, what was wrong with me, I'm trying to hurt her, "_rebuilds the Normandy with a few upgrades to boot. I wish we'd joined up with them sooner."

She looks anywhere but at him, "We haven't joined Cerberus. They're funding our mission. That's all."

He blinked at her slowly, saying almost sarcastically, his tone oily, "Relax, Shepard. Just a figure of speech."

He turned back to the monitors, hoping that she'd leave, dreading that she'd leave. He wasn't prepared for the soft arms that wrapped around his waist or the cheek that pressed against his shoulderblades. He started shaking, self loathing tore through him. This isn't right, she doesn't know how badly he'd dishonored her memory. "Garrus, I-"

Bitterness welled up in him as he spun and thrust her against the wall, pinning her there with his body. He searched her face for any sign, any hint of the calculating manipulation he knew only so well that she was capable of, "Were you about to say you missed me? Because from where I'm standing, the whole damn galaxy missed you."

She bit her lip, "I didn't plan on dying-"

"Oh, the great Commander Shepard that planned everything to the minutest detail, who was always leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of us, didn't plan on the one thing, the only statistically likely thing that might happen?" His voice was low, menacing. She tried to push him away with her hands, he trapped them in a vice like grip above her head. "We were so unprepared, Jane. How could you do that to us? You didn't miss us. You were dead.

"So what do you want from me now, Jane?," He said her name viciously, feeling a tremor run through her body. Cruelly, he thrust his thigh between hers, pressing on the molten core of her, lifted one of her leg high up onto his hip. He was sickened by the desire coiling low in his gut, "Is _this_ what you wanted?"

She turned her burning face from him, tears falling onto her shoulder. His eyes unfocused and saw the splash of blue blood on the wall behind her, the deep scratches from his own talons marring the smooth metal surface. Images from his nightmare came back to haunt him, the cage, the shadows, the fingers. _Spirits take me, I am a monster._

He sagged to his knees then, a whimper falling like a sigh from his throat. Yep. Rock bottom, he'd found it. Should have known that Shepard would find the way. He kneeled before her, like a penitent at mass. But the last thing he wanted was reprieve. The airlock was sounding really good right now. No muss, no fuss. Cleanup would be a snap. His few possessions could follow him into the void. No one would miss a failure like him. What could he say to her now? Now that he's shown her that he was capable of inflicting horrors on her.

Her hands on his shoulders, but he daren't look up. Couldn't even if he wanted to, his body felt like it was made of stone. She dropped to her knees in front of him, he quailed at the wrongness of it, "Garrus...talk to me. Just talk to me. Please."

Her tone of desperate pleading made him look at her finally, her face was aglow with emotion. As bare as he'd ever seen it. There was fear and hurt and relief swimming around in there, in those eyes he'd dreamt of on so many lonely nights. The words came out haltingly at first, then as deluge of self recrimination. She stayed silent, not pushing him at all, not using her talent for kind interrogation, or Short-range Ballistic Listening, as he'd jokingly called it in happier times.

He told her about those days on the Citadel after she'd left, then the terrible crimes committed against her memory after she'd died. How everyone had drifted apart. How, alone, he'd wandered to Omega. Found purpose of a sort, that quickly turned to bitterness when he'd been shown how ineffective he was. The people he'd gathered around him, their stories, and how he hadn't loved them enough, and then they were dead and it was too late. The madness of those last few hours before she'd shown up, the madness after.

They'd shifted around while he'd been talking so that she was sitting against a wall and he was sitting between her legs, his back to her front, his fringe resting on one of her strong shoulders. Her arms were draped across his chest, one slim hand clasping the other wrist. He leaned on her limply, emotionally spent. She gently removed his visor and ran a finger along the names of those dead men and women. "Monteague, Meirin, Sensat, Weaver, Grundan Krul, Butler, Erash, Vortash,-"

"-Melanis, Ripper." He finished the litany, those names as familiar and close to him now as his own. He knew from her silence that she was contemplating the scratched out name, it's features viciously removed with deep gouges.

"And this one?" She finally asked, holding her fingertip under it.

"Sidonis. A turian. He drew me away before the mercs attacked my squad, then he disappeared." Garrus took a deep breath, too mentally exhausted to even get angry at the traitorous bastard. "Everyone in my crew is dead, except me. And it's because I didn't see it coming."

Shepard replaced the visor over his eye, adjusting it perfectly. He shouldn't feel surprised that she knew to do this, but he is and he experienced a grateful flush under his plates. "What happened, exactly?"

He idly rested his arm on her knee while he gestured with his other hand, "Sidonis asked me to meet a contact of his, made it sound too good to pass up. When I got to the meeting point, no one was there. Then I got pinged, told me to meet the squad at the hideout, but when I got there, all but two of my team were dead. And they didn't last long."

He left it at that, better to leave off descriptions of the gore he'd witnessed. _Let the dead rest._

"I'm guessing that Sidonis didn't show up dead later as the first casualty."

"I put out feelers with some old contacts of mine. He booked transport off Omega just before the attack. He also cleared out his private accounts before he left. Just sold us out and ran."

"Do you know where Sidonis is now?" This woman knew him too well. Of course he was on the trail, and getting closer with every passing minute.

"I lost my whole team. Except for Sidonis. Someday, I'll find him and...correct that." He couldn't keep his eyes open any more. The sleep that eluded him earlier seemed to want to shanghai him now. Something occurred to him then, something important, he shook off the spell of sleep, "Shepard-"

"Mmmm?" She sounded as tired as he, and equally unwilling to move.

"I...need to ask you something. It's important...and if you say it, then I can believe it. If it's you saying it."

"Yes, Garrus?" There was a smile in her tone.

"Are you...really here? Really alive?" He waited breathlessly, tense.

"Yes, Garrus. I'm here, I'm alive." It came out a little sad, and her arms tightened around his chest momentarily, before going slack as she drifted into sleep.

"Good...cuz I wasn't so sure...before." He mumbled before following her, always following her. Only this time she led him to a place that was as dreamless as it was deep.


	7. Chapter 7

He floated in the dark space between waking and sleeping, not quite at peace but as close as he'd been to it in a very long time. There was no magic pill or elixir to cure him of this disease of doubt, but he could continue to chisel away at the mountain of it that still resided in him. It felt like a fever had broken, a rock found at last at the heart of the tempest that had been his life for two years. He was a little stiff from sleeping on the floor, half reclined.

He groaned as he sat up straighter, the pressure of her arms sliding off his shoulders. He stretched, arms wide, popping joints as he tried to limber up. He turned to look at Shepard. She was watching him from half-lidded eyes, a crooked smile on her face, "I'm here. I'm alive."

He stood up stiffly, reaching down a hand. She placed her hand in his and he lifted her up on her feet. Garrus rubbed his shoulders, saying with reproach, "You know, for being so soft and squishy, you make a terrible pillow."

"Well, you know, for being a big spiky pile of metal plates, you make a pretty good blanket." She laughed, light and full. He couldn't help but laugh, too.

She put her hand back in his, squeezing slightly, "I'm sorry, Garrus. So very sorry for so many things."

He waved her apology away, it was ridiculous, "I'm the one who's sorry, for manhandling you. Turianhandling, whatever."

She blushed and looked away for a moment. He rubbed his neck, unsure of what to say. She caught his eye, "Are we good?"

So much meaning packed into such a small phrase. It spoke of the expanse between them still, a wall of shame that wouldn't be brought down in a single day, may never completely be gone. But there were cracks, maybe even some daylight poking through. Or maybe that was just light radiating from her, where she sat in her side of the cell. He felt relieved to have come this far, he would keep fighting to go farther, "Yeah, we're good."

She let out a breath neither one of them realized she was holding. At the door, she squared her shoulders before touching the lock, her red hair a curtain down her back. Huh, he didn't even notice her hair was down for once. It looked...nice.

* * *

Horizon. A jumble of prefab building that were eerily empty, most of its inhabitants taken by the Collectors. At the moment they were crouched behind various bits of cover while EDI was trying to get the colony's AA guns working. Waves and waves of enemies rushed their positions. It was getting harder to repel the hordes, but he allowed himself a moment to just enjoy the battle. He felt invigorated, for the first time since joining Shepard again, this wasn't a chore. It kind of felt like he'd rediscovered a long lost hobby, delighting again in the simple joy of it. He traded quips with the other squaddie, a mercenary named Massani who'd joined them the other day.

At first he'd been leery of the man, knowing something of his past with the Blue Suns, but quickly came to admire the skill inherent in untold experience that Zaeed possessed. His stories weren't half bad either. Though honestly, sometimes they were exaggerated to the point of being unbelievable. How can one man be the sole survivor in nearly every mission he'd taken part of? It boded ill for their little excursion if that was truly the case.

As far as Shepard and he went, the old magic was back. He was responding even faster to her silent commands, his own recent experiences showing him exactly what she was about to do. Her leadership style was no longer a mystery and he took pleasure in the surprise that flitted over her face when he was able to anticipate her next order, often being exactly where she needed him to be before she even looked at him. Her plans had never seemed so beautiful to him, they glittered in his mind like a fascinating web, not static but always ready to shift if conditions changed on the battlefield. As skilled as Massani was, he couldn't keep up with the everchanging strategies, so he waited for her to order him into position. She unerringly placed him exactly where he needed to be to do the most damage. Garrus realized with awe that she must know every strength and weakness in every single team mate.

Logic took him a step further to surmise that his own faults and flaws must have been crippling her plans only because she didn't know what they were. He'd shut her out. Shame, or at least the ghost of it, ran up his spine, when it became obvious just how much she must have been overcompensating just to bring him on missions with her in his previous dangerously unstable state.

Garrus looked up when Shepard dropped next to him into cover, she had an odd sort of rifle in her hands. Not like anything he'd ever seen before. She turned it over in her hands as she said, "Look what I found."

He took out three husks as he said to her, "Really, Shepard. We're in the middle of a firefight and you went shopping? Females."

"They're just husks. Massani's got it."

"Not just." Garrus heard a shouted oath on the field out there somewhere, and the erratic bursts of fire that indicated the man was in trouble. Garrus moved to his left a bit and dropped the couple of collectors that had him pinned behind some boxes. He shouted, "You're welcome!"

His gravelly voice punctured the air, "Are you takin' the piss, junior? I'll bet my mate, Jessie, would like to have word with you."

Garrus laughed, "Zaeed, I do my best not to piss anywhere near you. It's not my fault you like to stand downwind."

A barked laugh in response made Garrus smile,_ Oh yes, this is real. How could I have ever thought otherwise? _He looked down at Shepard, who was still messing with that gun, "Does he really mate with his rifle?"

"I wouldn't put it past him. But, no. It's slang. Mate means friend where he's from."

"Oh." He laughed, calling to her flippantly as he shot some more husks. "Hey Shepard, want to be my mate?"

The double meaning of the word washed over him, his mouth suddenly dry, and he backpedaled as he watched a flush creep up her neck, "I mean, uh, like what you just said-"

"Relax, smooth talker." She stood fluidly, watching the first few volleys from the AA guns fly towards the collector ship, "EDI's got the guns on line, says there's big trouble on the way."

"_**I am the Harbinger of your ascension.**" _What looked like a large floating bug with tiny legs trailing under it dropped into the area they were defending. Shepard picked the strange rifle back up, her face thoughtful. A delicious shiver rolled up Garrus' spine as he saw a savage gleam come into her eye as she took aim.

* * *

"Riiiight. We're keeping this." In the shuttle, Shepard had that beam cannon resting on her knees, "I'll get Mordin to adapt it to take heavy ammo."

Zaeed grunted as he rubbed some medi-gel on bite marks that covered his arm from elbow to wrist, "Bloody zombies, tried to take a chunk out of me. Think I'll turn into a husk now?"

"Naw. First they have to impale you on these long spikes." Garrus gestured as he elucidated, "Then the nanites they inject you with convert all your squishy human organs into rubber tubes and blinky lights while you're just hanging there. And I'm guessing from their facial expressions and those 'hrrnnnghghghgh' noises they make that you're not exactly unconscious while they do it."

"...Graphic. Thank you so much for that. If I have nightmares, I'm gonna want a cuddle, Vakarian." Smoke curled around the air as Zaeed lit up one of his roll-ups. Garrus was surprised when Massani handed the lit one to Shepard, who took a long drag and sighed.

"Didn't know you smoked, Shepard." He watched her cheeks hollow as she inhaled, her lips puckering slightly to create a seal. Watched as her eyelids dropped almost all the way down and her pupils roll back into her head in pleasure. It was almost sinful, he felt like a voyeur. It was sending little shocks of heat shooting under his plates. He cleared his throat, settling back against the wall, keeping his eyes firmly on her right shoulder.

"Not since basic. My unit always passed around smokes after a fight. It was...cathartic." She squirmed a little in her seat.

"You mean, the fighting was better than sex." Massani crowed from where he was enjoying his own smoke. Shepard shot him a little warning glare and he held his hands up in surrender, "Naw, I get it. I think anyone who fights for a living does. Sometimes...it's like you're dancing on the razor's edge, your bloods hot, your heart pounding and you're so close to dying with every shot and the fact that you don't, that you keep defying death moment after moment-"

The merc sighed, closing his eyes, "S'brilliant."

Garrus leveled a stare at the scarred man, cajoling, "Why, Massani, I had no idea you could be so...poetic."

Zaeed grunted out a laugh, chanting softly, "In Flanders fields the poppies blow. Between the crosses, row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky, the larks, still bravely singing, fly. Scarce heard amid the guns below."

Not able to help himself, Garrus sniffed, "That was beautiful."

"Gyah, Vakarian, you know how to ruin a moment." The two men laughed for a bit as their Commander looked on, amused. Massani affixed a baleful eye on Shepard, "So, who was that...idiot down there?"

"Staff Commander Kaiden Alenko. He served with us on the SR-1. He helped evacuate her when she went down." Shepard sighed tiredly. Garrus watched the ghosts flitting around her eyes as she looked at him, a little twist of pain in her features. How he wished that he'd been there.

"Huh, seemed like more than just re-acquaintance to me, sure you weren't flirting wif breaking the ol' non-fraternization rule?" Massani eyed her narrowly, a smirk on his face. "He's a nice enough lookin' bloke."

"I'll be sure to let him know you think he's cute, Zaeed." She deflected masterfully, smirking back at him when he started to splutter.

He tried to resist butting in but again he couldn't help himself. He told himself it was for the laughs, not because he really really wanted to know how she felt about the biotic, "Oh, c'mon, Shepard. I remember you two spent quite alot of time together. The looks he threw you, the...long nights poring over the galaxy map."

Her look told him she knew exactly what he was doing and she was not pleased. The conversation she'd had with the erstwhile Staff Commander had indeed left her shaken. Her loyalties questioned. "He had game, if that's what you're asking. Only his games usually involved moving bits of colored plastic around a board, while I was looking for more the...chess variety."

"Oh, ho, ho! That's bloody hilarious, Shepard." Massani was almost crying, he was laughing so hard. Garrus didn't really follow the specific words, being without context but seeing the general outline of what she meant. He was right then, that Alenko was no match for her fearsome intellect. "I assume then that a pity fuck was out of the question."

Disquieted, Garrus shoved a pang of anguish down when Shepard didn't answer, shrugging elegantly, sending Massani off on another bout of howling laughter.


	8. Chapter 8

Garrus threw away the last bottle of liquor, its contents sloshing about at him from the bottom of the waste chute. He'd gone through the battery, cleaning up the mess he'd left it in for the last few weeks, trashing every stashed bottle he could find. He just didn't feel the need for it any more. That aching need that haunted him during his time on Omega. The spirits had granted him a second chance and he wasn't going to mock them by ruining it even more.

Kasumi phased into being next to him, where he was staring at that last bottle deep in thought. She mewled a little disapproving sound, "Seems a shameful waste. If you'd just told me, I would have gotten rid of them for you."

He looked at her askance, "You mean, you would have restocked. Don't think I didn't notice the lounge you have set up in your little hidey-hole."

She jumped up onto the counter next to him, "Speaking of hidey-holes, does this mean you'll be spending more time among the living?"

That was a little close to home, he winced inwardly, gut flipping. The thief was observant, probably just as observant as he. He had to remember that while he was watching, he was also being watched. He reached into the chute and handed her the full bottle of turian brandy, "A gift. Not like you can even drink it, with your weak little levo intestines."

She hummed in approval, eyes glittering from under her hood, "Maybe not, but I do like to occasionally...entertain."

He leaned his elbow on the counter next to her, smiling wickedly, "I'm sure you can be very...entertaining."

"Trying to make me blush, Garrus?" She smiled, one of her fingers played with her bottom lip, pulling it down ever so slightly. It was a little distracting, his mind kept wanting to imagine Shepard doing that. He leaned dangerously close, inches from Kasumi's face.

"Consider me...entertained." He laughed at her expression, pleased to see an actual blush on what he could see of her face. She punched him playfully in the arm, before phasing into her tactical cloak again.

_Spirits, I missed this...comraderie,_ he thought with a happy little hum. He thought about Shepard, away on a few missions on Illium right now. He'd declined to join her so he could clean house, so to speak. And he did feel much better looking around the spotless gun battery. The only thing he didn't scrub away was the talon scratches and traces of his blue blood on the wall, a reminder of what might have happened and what indeed happened. He never wanted to forget that low moment. There was a human saying, trite but true, 'Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it."

* * *

He was in the cargo bay when Shepard came back, polishing his weapons. The shuttle landed with little fanfare, settling in a gentle rocking motion. The hatch opened and an unfamiliar male figure, a drell he recognized the species now, stepped out onto the deck gracefully, turning immediately to hold out a hand as if to assist the remainder of the squad out of the compartment. First, came an asari who must be the Justicar that Shepard had briefed them on, she made a noise of gratitude as she took the man's hand , then Miranda, who blushed prettily at the convention. Jack just leaped past him with a derisive snort, stalking back to the territory she'd staked out below decks. Garrus smirked when he thought about what Shepard's reaction would be, a woman who never seemed soft enough to accept a man's help doing anything as mundane as getting out of a car. What arrogance.

But, no she was taking his hand, smiling softly as she stepped down from the shuttle, words of thanks on her lips. Did it seem that her eyes lingered on that drell's face a little longer than necessary? Shepard turned and waved a greeting to Garrus. Garrus meanwhile had to rip his clenched hand from his rifle in order to return it. The two men locked gazes across the shuttle bay. The drell bowed to him, face unreadable as he followed Shepard to the elevator and presumably, CIC.

_He must be our assassin, _thought Garrus, disconcerted by the display of feminine softness that Shepard exhibited. _That man is trouble._

Finishing up quickly, he took the lift up to crew quarters, deciding to eat in the galley for once, so he could...keep an eye on things. Miranda and Kasumi were talking, heads together like schoolgirls. Their whispered conversation was getting to him, he couldn't quite catch the words. Maddening. Finally, he said to the pair, "Ladies, while I appreciate the extra eye candy when you both happen to be in the mess, but if you don't tell me what you two are giggling about, I will have to deprive you of my magnificent presence."

Miranda tossed him a cheeky wink, "Have you seen our newest...crewmember?"

He nodded, "I assume that's the assassin? Smaller than I thought he'd be, considering the size of his reputation."

Kasumi laughed from under her hood, "Apparently, he's very...impressive."

"That's my word. I trademarked it." He huffed at them in mock severity. "So why are we impressed?"

Miranda gushed, "You should have seen it, Garrus. We were tracking him to his next hit, some asari named Dantius-"

_"Nassana_ Dantius?" He leaned back, thoughtfully. He was with Shepard when that viperous woman tricked them into killing her sister. Maybe Shepard should have killed her back then. Probably didn't because they had bigger fish to fry, namely one crazy turian bent on galactic wide genocide.

Kasumi kicked his foot, making his attention snap back to the two women, "Stop interrupting."

"So, we're working our way up this tower, there's dead workers everywhere. Apparently, the mercs Dantius paid to protect her were ordered to kill them. So, naturally, Shepard starts the whole let's kill them all routine," Garrus nodded sagely, he knew this routine, had danced it many times. He waved for Miranda to continue, "The entire time, it's like he's just ahead of us, I mean, like a couple seconds ahead, but we never caught a glimpse of him. The man was a ghost."

Kasumi leaned towards him and patted his arm, "This is my favorite part."

"We get to the top and that asari starts in on Shepard, 'who hired you to kill me, why'd you kill my guards, blah blah blah'" Garrus wondered briefly if Miranda knew how piercingly high her voice was already and she didn't really need to hike it even higher when mocking other women. Her face became animated as she pressed on, "That's when _he_ dropped out of the ceiling, snapped the neck of the last two mercs and shot Nassana with her own pistol. You could hear a pin drop, he was so quiet. He laid her gently on the desk, almost like a haha ahem...lover, and crossed her arms. Then he just stood there, with his head kind of bowed."

Kasumi interjected with a sigh, "They never guard the ducts. Every building has them. They're an assassin's bread and butter. Well, mine, too."

"And what did Shepard do?" He prompted, imagining the scenario in his mind's eye as they talked.

"Shepard waited a whole minute before she said anything. I think she was impressed." Garrus was probably betting that Shepard was just working the numbers, putting together observations about the man before she recruited him. The fact that he killed for credits must be a little galling to her. But, _desperate times and so forth. _"Then she said, 'I've come a long way to speak to you.' then, he said, 'A moment, prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken.'"

"'She certainly was wicked.' said she. Krios looked at us and said 'not for her. For me.' I swear my jaw dropped. Jack said, 'wicked.' Then he said something all philosophical about the measure of a person being apparent in their actions. I think I kind of zoned out for a minute, I was just watching him move. It was like...silk." Miranda sighed.

"Mmmmm dangerous silk." Kasumi had her chin in her hand.

"And then I realized the bastard was being cheeky to Shepard. Shepard of all people. He was_ berating_ her, even."

Garrus interrupted, "How is the man still breathing?"

Miranda ran her hand through her hair, shaking her head, "I dunno. Maybe it was shock. It's really hard to read Shepard. Anyway, then he said to her 'You were a valuable distraction.' I scooted a couple feet away so none of the blood would get on me, I was sure she was going to go ballistic. But calm as you can be, she smiled at him and said 'Let's cut to the chase. I need you for a mission.' She was all Commander then, getting him to sign on, telling him in not so many words that we weren't expected to make it back, and then it was Krios' turn to look impressed, saying how 'she made a career out of doing the impossible.' She deadpanned him."

"What's deadpanned?" This was a new one on him, picturing a frying pan as a lethal weapon.

"It's like, no expression on her face. Not blank-" Garrus knew exactly what she meant so he held up a hand and nodded, waving her to go on, "They moved up to the window and I couldn't really hear any more, but I was content that the mission was a success so I just started watching his ass." The two women laughed uproariously at that. _Ugh, not enough information, I hate a mystery. Scratch that, I love a mystery. _He couldn't shake the feeling that Shepard_ had_ been impressed.

Really impressed.


	9. Chapter 9

Somehow, they'd acquired a M-44 Hammerhead seemingly overnight. If the hovertank was anything like the mako was, he was sure it would need lots of repair. They just don't make vehicles that can handle Shepard's brilliant, but crazy, maneuvering. Garrus wondered if he could get some techs together to design something specifically for her. He scratched that idea, he wasn't sure if science was advanced enough to build a tank that moved in more than 4 dimensions. Would make a nice birthday gift, though.

He stood with Shepard in the lift, musing quietly to himself about it. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, noting that the scars were healing, it was almost a shame. He'd never say it to her, but he thought they looked like constellations, mapping some unknown part of the universe. "So, why now?"

"Because I'm curious." She looked at him, tilting her head up to meet his gaze. "And because we might need him."

"You've left him in the hold this long. Your team's strong, Shepard. Another variable can't matter all that much." He referred to their tank krogan, who also happened to be shaped like a tank. _ A tank in a tank,_ he mused again.

"Garrus...doesn't he deserve to see what it's like out here?"

"I've seen what it's like out here. It's not that great. Plus, it doesn't really seem fair to wake him up just to send him on a suicide mission." He didn't want to sound bitter, but the way she was looking at him, she knew exactly what he was thinking. She knew that even now, there were times when he envied the dead.

"Not that great, huh?" She quirked her brow at him. He bumped her hip with his hip, smiling wryly.

"Okay, it's greeeaaat." He suddenly found himself eye to eye with Shepard. She'd grabbed the front of his cowl and yanked him down, he made a surprised little 'oof'. Fear blossomed in his guts as he looked into her suddenly furious eyes.

"People are not variables." Her voice was low and menacing, almost a whisper. "My people are not numbers, or pawns or any of the other convenient little phrases that turn _people _into _things."_

She let go of him abruptly, turning her burning gaze forward again. Garrus straightened up slowly, his armor creaking. In the wake of the fear, he was surprised to feel a burdgeoning anger, he spoke to the air in front of him, "_Your_ people, huh? For not being possessions, you sure guard us jealously. Are you saying you aren't prepared to lose people, to use them to stop the Collectors?"

He could _feel _the heat of her rage rolling off her armor, making the elevator seem like the inside of a volcano, she clenched her jaw as she rasped, "Shut. It."

"No, I need to know if you can make the call. It's fine playing like we're all one big happy family in here, but outside this ship there's a very real threat." Garrus knew he was walking the knife's edge, courting disaster. _I have a point, spirits damn it. I won't be shut down like some flunky. Heel, boy! "_You may lose one of us or all of us on this little joy ride. What are you going to do when that happens? What if it's Miranda or Kasumi or me-"

The elevator doors opened then. They stood in there for a time, Garrus started counting the seconds under his breath. Shepard seemed to shake herself, awareness settling back over her. She strode out in silence. Garrus followed her to the door of the port cargo hold, barely checking himself from snapping off a salute as she opened the door. He didn't have the heart in him to be cruel. Not to her. Not more than he'd been already. Garrus watched her take a deep breath before entering, the furious glitter still in her eye.

At the twenty minute mark, he was starting to worry. But he didn't hear anything breaking in there so surely everything was fine. _Damn I wish I brought my gun,_ the thought trickled through his brain as he rubbed his neck apprehensively. It wasn't _in_conceivable that the krogan could kill Shepard. Just as he was seriously considering going in ready for violence, the door opened and the air was filled with raucous laughter. Shepard and the krogan sauntered out together, arms over each other's shoulders, well as far as Shepard could reach around that enormous hump. Stunned, Garrus watched them walk to the lift, following in their wake. The pair turned to face him. Shepard eyed him, her face blank, "Shuttle in five, Vakarian."

The doors closed in his stunned face and the elevator made the gentle rumbling noise it did when it was ascending. He stood there staring numbly at the closed door, wondering why he'd provoked her like that. Well, he knew why, but despite the very valid reasons he might have, there was no reason other than spite to harangue her like that. She was the best commanding officer he'd ever had, that he'd ever heard of, her success rate was higher than any of her contemporaries. She must be doing something right. Who was he to question her? Just a foolish, foolish broken turian.

And now, he was 'Vakarian' to her.

He didn't think he could stand it if she starting calling him 'Officer Vakarian' again, regressing their relationship all the way back to the beginning. He took in a deep shuddering breath. Why was he so bad at this? He thought he knew her, but now it seemed there were still some mysteries there to dance around. Garrus pressed the button to summon the lift again.

He didn't think he was out of line. Surely every soldier knew the price of war, had to watch their friends fall in the line of duty. It was a given that no war was won without casualties. That's what soldiers were for. Shepard didn't act like that, he realized, it's like she just rejected it as not part of her reality. He wished that were true, he really did. But he, more than anyone, well except maybe her, knew that it wasn't, had been taught that at bitter cost.

A thought rose up out of the darkest part of his mind. He suspected that the reason he wanted to warn her, beg her to realize that they might all die tomorrow was so that if it ever came to be, that he...couldn't be there for her any more, she wouldn't suffer like he had. Wouldn't be so terribly bereft like he had been when she had died. That made his heart ache in a way that almost made his whole body hurt.

He made his way down to the shuttle bay, still trying to come up with a solution.

* * *

It was kind of an unspoken rule that when you joined Shepard's crew, you went on the next mission with her. The krogan, Grunt as he was now called, was just now looking through the weapon racks trying to find a suitable set of weaponry. Shepard was there next to him, offering her opinion on various rifles, shotguns and things. Garrus was interested to find out how this tankbred, tank educated krogan measured up to the battle monster that was Urdnot Wrex. Looking on their little exchange, the turian smiled. Shepard was acting so...maternal towards Grunt.

She still wasn't speaking to him, not that he'd know what to say to her if she did. It felt like things were slipping away from him. Garrus wanted so much, but knew he deserved so little. For what he'd done and thought and felt, every sorrow he'd laid into her soul, he hoped the spirits would grant him a year to make it up to her, somehow. He had no right to ask anything of her, but a message he received not a moment ago was burning away at the insides of his head. How to ask her to help him with this last vestige of his ignoble past. If he waited for an opportune moment, he could lose the chance. The chance to finally lay to rest ten people, people he couldn't just abandon to time. Waiting never seemed so difficult. Maybe he'd be able to talk to her about it after this mission...or the next.

In the shuttle, Shepard talked with Grunt about his tank memories. She seemed excited to see them in action. If he was to judge from the slight smile and the crinkle around her eyes anyway. Garrus pretended to take a nap, stretching his long legs out and crossing his arms before letting his head droop to the side and rest on his armor's cowl. Their voices were soothing, he listened intently as they expounded on different battlefield strategies. Grunt's were all krogan, and thus were a slightly different take on the deployment of troop strength and ordinance. They seemed to like it when things went boom. And getting up close and personal. Garrus could _hear_ Shepard chipping away at this preconception, laying out what could be done with a mixed group, little bit of everything and how it could be greater than the sum of its parts. Awe filled the krogan's voice at this realization as their discussion covered not just small insertion teams like theirs, but whole batallions.

_This krogan is intelligent_, thought Garrus, surprised almost to the point of amazement, then he felt chagrin at the racist thought. What Grunt couldn't do once he got a few centuries of live action combat training under his belt, once he learned cunning to go along with his intelligence. And he couldn't have hoped for a better mentor than Shepard. _Watch out galaxy, _he thought with a grin.

This mission was fairly standard. Long range scanners had picked up an anomaly and they were investigating it. Helyme was pretty enough to look at as planets go, lots of mountains and vegetation. They landed outside of what was obviously some kind of mining plant, the grind of machinery was audible as they exited the vehicle. Shepard pulled out her assault rifle, a change from her usually favored shotgun. Garrus raised a brow ridge at her.

"Grunt, take point. Expect...mercs, more than likely." She smiled into Garrus' face, all innocence. Grunt threw his fist in the air with a bark of laughter and drew his shotgun. Garrus was at a loss, it didn't seem wise to him to let an untried untested krogan be first to make contact with their enemy. This was wildly counter to what he knew of Shepard's strategies, she was usually so controlled and controlling.

With a charge the krogan burst into the building, with Shepard and Garrus in his wake. Garrus scanned the room for a place to roost, so he could pick them off with his sniper rifle. _Ah, perfect, _the thought accompanied action as he climbed a ladder up to a surveying platform. From here he could see almost every room and over the top of most of the cover. He went to work, picking off Eclipse mercs left and right, keeping an eye on Shepard and the whelp. He was impressed, the krogan was holding his own remarkably well. Charging into an enemy, following up with the shotgun. It lacked the elegance that was a joy to witness when Shepard did it but it was effective, nonetheless. Shepard, in the meantime, seemed content to line up shots with her assault rifle, switching out the ammo as the circumstances demanded.

Garrus could see that he was wrong, Grunt would be a valuable asset in their fight with the Collectors. Just another thing to add to the list of things he was wrong about. More proof that he should just trust Shepard's judgement. Then he shivered, she was surrounding herself with people she would hurt to lose. His initial assessment had been right, in a way, to leave the krogan in the tank so he couldn't be bound up in Shepard, wouldn't become part of Shepard. And how many pieces of her could she lose before there was nothing left?


	10. Chapter 10

He was wandering around the ship when Kasumi beckoned him over to her, a mischievous little smile on her face. Not that that was new, that smile seemed permafixed there, in the gloom under her hood. They stood near the door to the starboard observation deck, where he knew their resident asari justicar made her home.

"Yes, O'Purloiner of Purses and Pocket-change?" He looked down at her, amused. She seemed charged, bouncing a little in place.

"Shhh, listen." She put a finger over his mouth and gestured to the closed door next to them.

Sounds filtered through the door, soft melodious sounds. Garrus turned back to Kasumi questioningly. She leaned up to whisper in his ear, "Shepard gave Samara some music. They're all in there listening to it right now."

"Who's in there?" Shepard was sharing this part of herself with the crew? He felt glad and sad at the same time. Just another step closer to the core of her, it would all end in tears he was sure of it.

"Samara, Shepard, Mordin, Kelly and, I think, Thane. Gimme a minute to rig this door to open silently and we'll join them." She tapped at her omnitool for a moment and the doors slid open slowly, with barely a sigh. The music poured over Garrus as he reverently entered.

Shepard, Mordin and Samara stood shoulder to shoulder gazing out at the sea of stars, their backs to him. No one moved, they seemed lost in the music, but their arrival was noticed by one man. A man who watched them solemnly over the tops of his steepled fingers from where he stood in the shadows. Garrus nodded to him in greeting, receiving one in return. Not willing to interrupt, Garrus closed his eyes and listened.

The music was soft and slow and bittersweet. A human man and woman were singing a duet, they rose and fell around each other in a language he didn't understand. He'd always found human voices to be a little flat, not multitoned like turian voices, but that didn't detract from this glorious synergy. A choir chimed in to accentuate the soft accompaniment, lending the climbing fervor of the singers a rising triumphant note. He wanted to keen at the beauty of it. As the last note died away, they all swayed a little in its absence, no longer pulled to its rhythms.

A long silent moment passed, not unlike the kind you find at funerals, as they mourned the loss of it, but underlying the sorrow was the feeling that if it had go on forever, that would have diminished it somehow. Samara turned shining eyes slowly to Shepard, who smiled knowingly, "I..thank you, Shepard. That was...the only word I can think of is sublime. I feel touched by the music of the spheres."

The two women turned slowly in place, rotating in pleasing symmetry. Mordin laid a hand on the window, leaning on it as if for support. For once, the doctor was silent, lost in thought.

Samara cleared her throat gently and addressing Shepard said, "I didn't understand the language. What were they saying?"

"It's Italian, an earth language that most operas are written in." She took a deep breath, locking gazes with Garrus, whose knees almost buckled at the joy he saw in them, "Joyous Love seemed to me...the while he held my heart in his hands, and in his arms, My lady lay asleep...wrapped in a veil -"

She was cut off by a deep gravelly voice from her right and her gaze tore away from the turian, who shuddered slightly in the wake of its passing, "-He woke her then...and trembling and obedient, she ate that burning heart out of his hand. Weeping, I saw him then depart from me."

Everyone turned their gazes to the drell then, who pushed himself off the wall and walked slowly to where Shepard was, a bemused look on her face. He stopped before her, saying, "La Vita Nuova, written by Dante Alighieri."

"The benefits of a classical education." He said in response to their questioning looks. He shrugged elegantly, and took Shepard's hand between both of his, "Thank you, Shepard. I will honor the gift of this new memory."

With that, Thane turned and left, hands clasped behind his back. Garrus was alarmed to note that Shepard's eyes followed the man until he was out of sight. He couldn't bring himself to recognize the flash of jealousy that he felt then, it seemed so petty in the face of that glorious rapture that had entranced them all. So small was he, so insignificant, all the deaths he brought to the universe couldn't add a single moment of perfect beauty like the one that just occurred.

He caught Shepard's elbow as she walked past him, sighing down into her questioning eyes. For just a moment, he let himself show his feelings for her in his gaze and maybe he was imagining it, was probably imagining it, but he thought he saw an echo deep down in those jade depths, "Shepard, I need to speak to you about something."

Her hand moved to his shoulder, but he couldn't look at her now, burning so brightly, instead looking at the deck at his feet, "Of course, Garrus. When?"

He almost gasped in relief, "Give me a few days to...sort things out. I'll let you know."

Shepard's hand glided down his arm and squeezed his hand, then she was gone, walking with purpose out of the room and into the galley. Garrus let out a shuddering breath, his hand felt burned from where she'd touched him. He turned to regard Mordin, who was still standing over by the window. Samara stepped over to him and put her arm around his thin shoulders, which seemed to be shaking up and down with some emotion. Kasumi was already gone, or to all appearances anyway. So instead of intruding on the other two, he left as well, trying to forget that he'd seen the doctor weeping. Spare the man the shame, at least.

His thoughts drew back to the crew. All these disparate entities that crowded this ship, some clashed painfully with others and Shepard nevertheless brought them together, for more than killing. Was it possible that he wasn't the only broken one here? That they all had lost faith somehow. He didn't know what to do with that. Maybe that's one reason they had isolated themselves in different parts of the ship, so their raw edges didn't rub. Spirits, he was so blind, he'd thought himself so alone.

This was the same trap that'd almost snared him on Omega, almost robbed him of sanity, had robbed him of the good men and women he'd lead. His perception was shifting, this was so outside of everything he'd ever been taught in the military, or by his father, he felt he was on the cusp of some great revelation. It was just out of reach. Understanding was so close, he could taste it.

"You're going to give yourself an aneurysm." Kelly popped up at his side, jarring him out of his thoughts. He felt slightly guilty for not noticing her following him from the observation deck.

He rubbed the back of his neck, unnerved by the presence of the too gregarious Cerberus psychologist, he was never able to tell just who pulled her strings, Cerberus or Shepard. Such openness of expression was almost obscene to him now, after spending so much time around Shepard, like he could see her undergarments. Not that he wanted to see her undergarments. Surely no one could be so transparent and yet give away nothing. "What do you mean?"

"You're thinking so hard. You're always thinking so hard, when you're not joking with people anyway." Her smile begged him to say what was on his mind. He resisted with difficulty.

"That," Garrus waved his hand vaguely behind them, "is food for thought."

"Hmm. It was beautiful music." He almost rolled his eyes at this gross understatement. She walked with him as he made his way to the gun battery, "You know, Garrus, sometimes people talk to me. You know, you could talk to me. Tell me why, for example, you stopped requisitioning so many..ahem..liquid supplies."

"Uh, yeah, well, it's not important anymore," He looked around nervously for anyone who might be close enough to hear their exchange.

"If it's not important, then why don't you tell me." The woman was persistent, and he felt that if he got her to break off this line of questioning with as much fervor as he'd like, it would be like kicking a small harmless pet. Better to deflect, he reflected.

"If you'd like to help me relieve some stress, maybe you'd like to...spar with me." He made his expression into an open invitation, knowing that the odds of someone in such a xenophobic organisation accepting such a blatant proposition were unlikely. He almost crowed when her face flushed and her eyes took on a panicked gleam.

His jaw dropped when she stepped closer and said, her voice a low purr, "Where?"

"Um, see, I-D-Down in the cargo bay, you know, where the exercise equipment and pads are." He backpedaled hard. He saw disappointment flash in her face for a moment, "And now if you'll excuse me, Miss Chambers, I have calibrations to do. I'll send you a message."

Locking the door behind him, he leaned against it, letting out a relieved breath only to yelp when Kasumi popped into existence sitting on a crate next to him. She was holding her sides and laughing, air coming out in wheezing little breaths.

"Spirits, Kasumi! Stop doing that." He held a hand over his wildly beating heart for a moment, catching his breath.

"You heart-breaker you, Garrus. Don't you go toying with that redheaded minx. We'll drown in the tears of all your jilted lovers." She slapped her thigh in amusement, her chuckles drifting off to nothing.

"Me, toying with her? I think she was the one doing all the toying." He shuddered at the memory of the lust in her face, "Or trying to toy with_ something_ anyway."

"Our Miss Chambers is a curious one. Who'd have thought she'd have such an eye for let's say...exotic fare." It was a sneaky little grin that was on what he could see of her face, "Not that I can blame her. After all, I know I do. Mmmmm."

"As if anyone could miss the googley eyes you've been throwing in a certain cerberus operative. Hardly exotic, he's human." He turned to the console, he hadn't run simulations yet today and he was eager to get started. Plus, he had an idea about upgrading the weapon systems.

"You don't find humans exotic?" Her tone was teasing and light, but he could hear genuine curiosity there.

"I'm not a raging xenophile, I'll have you know." Garrus shook his fist at her in mock anger.

"That's not an answer, Garru-kun. That is, in fact, a non answer." She pulled her knees up to her chin, looking childlike.

He turned back to his monitors, "I wouldn't even know where to start."

"So that's a yes, then." She clapped once, excitedly. "So if Garru-kun had the thought, who did he have the thought about?"

He didn't deign to give her a response, tapping away on his computer, hoping she would take the hint. But she didn't, of course.

"Miranda." Garrus snorted in derision.

"Jack." He turned an incredulous eye on the thief, who smiled affably back at him, "Thought I'd start with the least likely."

He refused to play this game and continued his work, dead set on silence.

"Well, not me obviously, no matter how much he may flirt. And not our yeo-man, who seems to be trying to get into every pair of pants on the ship, whether or not they happen to have a penis."_ Oh why won't she leave me alone,_ her inquisitiveness was getting irritating.

"Kasumi, I'm trying to get some work-"

"Samara." She interrupted, eyeing him critically.

He huffed in exasperation, turning on her, arms flung wide, "Yes, it's Samara. Are you happy now? I want to, what do you humans call it, _do _her. Alot. It's all I-"

"So, not Samara, then." _Well, _c_rap, _his mind started racing, trying to find a way out of this situation. Kasumi cocked a hip and stroked her chin, thoughtfully. Garrus knew he was trapped, and neatly,_ why do I never see these things coming? Some tactician I am. _He cringed in anticipation as she continued, "I wonder...who...it could be? What kind of person gets Garrus Vakarian all hot and bothered? Must be one hell of a lady."

_Leave it to a thief to want to twist the knife. _He watched her out of the corner of his eye as he turned to the monitors again. He sighed, resignedly, readying himself for the inevitable ridicule.

"Well-" Kasumi leaped off the crate, walking to the door, palmed the lock, "I guess we'll never know."

Garrus blinked at this sudden unexpected reprieve, standing stock still until the door was once again closed. Then he leaned on his desk, shoulders slumping. Ironically, he found himself in the same situation he was in on the first Normandy. He loved Shepard, he knew this at his core. But it seemed destined to remain unrequited. He didn't have it in him to attempt to start any sort of...well anything with her. She was so high above him, he couldn't even reach her boots, hell couldn't even see her boots. What did he have to offer?

_And she seemed, I don't know...interested, in the drell assassin, _he thought, a sudden pain in his chest, _he does have some sick moves. That whole classical education thing...genius. Evil genius._

The only honorable thing to do would be to step aside, not...interfere at all. He put his head on his arms, crunched over at the waist. He would weep at the anguish he felt at the thought of her with anyone else if he could. He knew that he would always be there for her, no matter what. He mentally prepared himself to be happy for her when she chose some worthy to walk at her side.


	11. Chapter 11

This happiness thing was turning out to be alot harder than he'd anticipated, though in retrospect, it had never in his whole life been very easy to be happy. But this, watching her get on a shuttle with Thane, go on missions with Thane, it was harrowing. Garrus was feeling his control stretching a little thinner every time he saw them together.

They seemed easy in each other's company, she often visited the drell in life support. Garrus tried to not notice, but his C-Sec training made him want to notice everything. Lately, Shepard had been going planetside in the Hammerhead with Thane, a lot. While Garrus was exceedingly glad not to be subjected to that, he was envious of the time the assassin got to spend with her. And when he watched them leave, he was unsettled to see a sniper rifle on Thane's back.

_So, I've been replaced, _he thought, guts feeling hollow, hands hurting as he clenched them. It was overwhelming, the deadness in him. And the need, the horrible need was clawing at him again. He knew where he could find something to assuage it, knew Kasumi would give it to him if he asked. Did he dare, though? Crawling into the bottom of a bottle never seemed to be more appealing. But could he stand to see the disappointment on Shepard's face, to let her down yet again?

On his way to Kasumi's room, he saw Grunt pacing in the galley, clearly agitated about something. Fighting the siren song of the brandy, he turned away to see what was the matter.

He leaned against the wall near the tables and watched the krogan go back and forth. Everyone else seemed to have vacated the area, even the everpresent Mess Sergeant Gardner, probably fearing violence. "Grunt, you're gonna wear a hole in the decking if you keep doing that."

"Where's Shepard? I need to talk to her."

_You and me both, pal._ Garrus scratched his chin, "She's planetside with our little green friend."

With a growl of frustration, Grunt swept everything off the top of the kitchen counters.

Garrus let him thrash about for a good minute before saying sardonically, "That's a bit...dramatic, don't you think?"

"Are you provoking me, turian? Wouldn't want Shepard to come back to find her pet sniper disemboweled." Grunt glowered angrily at Garrus, hands balling into fists.

"Are you looking for a fight, Grunt? We could take this downstairs, you know...if you've got the quad." Garrus watched the krogan fume out of the corner of his eye, examining his talons disinterestedly. He was ready to move if the krogan decided to charge him then and there, but he wasn't looking forward to explaining to Shepard why her galley was in such a state of disarray, well, more than it was now. With a jerk of his head, Grunt stalked down the corridors to the lift, punching the button with excessive force. Garrus sauntered after him, swaggering a bit more than usual.

This was starting to look better and better. Throw some punches, relieve some stress and calm this adolescent krogan down at the same time. Garrus almost grinned at the thought, feeling that familiar pre-battle buzz. He bounced a little in place and looked over at Grunt. The krogan seemed a little out of it, but Garrus didn't miss the gleam in his eye as well. Whatever ailed him seemed to fill him with a pent up energy, making him almost shake, trying to keep it bottled up.

They wasted no time once they got to the mat, Grunt charging Garrus in an effort to barrel him to the ground. Laughing, the turian let him come, deflecting Grunt's forward momentum at the last minute so he went stumbling. Garrus countered with a waist high kick, knee snapping into Grunt's ribs. "What, no warm ups?"

"Who needs warm ups?" Grunt roared as he charged Garrus again. Garrus shook his head at the blind attack, thinking maybe he was wrong about this krogan being intelligent. He moved to deflect again and Grunt surprised him by turning his charge into a spin, catching the turian a punch to the chest._ Mmmmm, things are looking up, _Garrus thought, a savage sort of happiness filling him at the thought that he wouldn't have to hold back too much. He blocked a flurry of punches meant for his face and dropped back on his heel, executing a backward spinning kick that exploded against the side of Grunt's head, rocking the krogan to the side, almost felling him.

Grunt recovered fast, faster than Garrus thought he would and lunged out to grapple Garrus waist, trying to lift him up and drop him to the mat. The krogan hadn't taken Garrus' greater height into consideration and the turian reversed it, pushing mightily and breaking Grunt's hold with a twist. Grunt landed flat on his back with Garrus on top, his knees in the krogan's shoulders. A couple of elbow shots to the face and Grunt was a little dazed. Garrus threw his fists in the air, yelling, "Yes, I am KING OF THIS MOUNTAIN!"

Garrus rolled away from a kidney punch, turning its force into a glancing blow. He bounced back up to his feet, squaring up with Grunt again. He brought his knees to his chest to stretch out his hamstrings as the krogan eyed him warily, rumbling, "I'm starting to see why Shepard keeps you around."

"Yeah, my startling good looks, I know. C'mon, big boy, let's dance." Oh, this was fun. Just what he needed to forget, better than drink. His turn to take the initiative, he moved in, sweeping from side to side to keep Grunt off balance as he searched for openings in the krogan's defenses. The boy was learning, and quickly, blocking strikes more and more often, even dealing a few of his own that stung. Garrus was sure he was grinning like a fool by now, his mandibles aching a little from the strain of it. The krogan was smirking too, clearly enjoying this 'friendly' match.

_Let him enjoy this! _Garrus thought with glee as he leapt straight up, his knee cracking into Grunt's chin, snapping his head back, felling him like a tree. As he hit the mat with a resounding thud, a cheer went up around him. Startled, Garrus looked around. They had drawn an audience, almost every crewmember was down here watching them fight. And Shepard was back, he felt quite a bit of chagrin when he realized he hadn't even heard the Hammerhead re-enter the cargo bay. He reached down to help Grunt back to his feet as crewmembers came up to him and started congratulating him, he ducked his head at their praise.

"Well, if that's what you meant by sparring, I think I'll pass." said Kelly laughingly, patting him on the shoulder.

His spirits were high so he couldn't help teasing, "Aw, c'mon, Chambers, even if I said I'd take it easy on you?"

"Maybe I don't want easy." Her grin turned lascivious and the whole crowd crowed laughter. Garrus turned away gratefully at a tap on his shoulder. Thane was looking at him with a smile on his face, that damnable sniper rifle still on his back. Garrus forced himself to remain nonchalant as he waited for the shorter man to speak.

"Most impressive, Vakarian. I wonder if you'd do me the honor of telling me where you learned your style." The drell tilted his head a little, inquisitively.

_I impressed the great and powerful Thane? Will wonders never cease, _but he couldn't deny the flush of pleasure he felt then. "Military mostly, used to spar with special forces. Plus, there was some special mixed forces training on the Citadel I couldn't help but partake in. They brought in experts from just about everywhere to teach us candidates."

_Aw, crap, there goes my big mouth again,_ he could feel Shepard's piercing gaze on the back of his neck as Thane bowed his head in thanks, "Perhaps you'd like to spar with me sometime. I would appreciate the practice, keep my skills sharp."

The deadly little man moved away from him then and Garrus was subjected to many poundings on his back as he watched Thane sidle up to Shepard and whisper something in her ear. Watched her say something back, her eyes on Garrus. Their gazes locked and Garrus smiled a tight little smile at her. He turned back to listen to the crew discuss making this a nightly thing, starting a list of participants which, when eventually handed to Garrus, he was surprised to find Shepard's name near the bottom. He couldn't quite help noticing that when the gathering broke up, Shepard and Thane walked away together. His heart gave a little painful thud, maybe he did need that drink after all.

* * *

Seems everyone had problems they needed Shepard to help them with. Patiently, Garrus waited as she sorted out Jacob's father issues, Jack's 'I grew up in a Cerberus research base and was tortured and experimented on' issues and a host of others. It was getting difficult to keep it on hold though, he had an inkling that his 'I need to track down and murder the man who betrayed me and my team' issue might be a little time sensitive.

So, he found himself literally at Shepard's door, shifting nervously from foot to foot, wearing his civies. He'd made sure she was alone, having EDI confirm it, there was no way he could deal with this and interrupting a...liaison between Shepard and Thane. So here he was...

He scratched his fringe, deciding there was nothing for it but to do it. Decisively, he palmed the lock, requesting entry. He heard footsteps coming closer, the door slid open to reveal Shepard in a form fitting leather dress. Very form fitting. His mouth dry, he tried not to gape at her exposed collarbones, or the dip of her waist or the swell of her hips. It seemed there was no safe place to rest his eyes so he decided to look past her, locking his gaze to a point somewhere above her head. "Garrus?"

"Hey, Shepard, I-uh-was hoping to talk to you." He swallowed nervously. She waved him in, turning to sit at a desk with a mirror above it.

"Come in, Garrus. Talk with me while I get ready." Heart thumping, he sidled in, taking a seat near but not too near. He didn't want to seem rude, talking to her from the next room over a partition.

"Ready for what?" He asked, looking around at her little cozy nest. The aquarium was interesting, casting a mellow blue over the room, bubbling tranquilly. He watched the fish with all their bright colors flit from one side of the tank to the other. He relaxed marginally, enough so he could turn to look at her.

"Kasumi wants me to go to some party so she can rob a man. Nothing new there." She snorted, her hands thrusted into her red pile of hair, pinning it up expertly. He felt a hot rush as the curve of her neck was exposed, with soft tendrils of hair trailing enticingly down it. He shifted uncomfortably as his lower plates loosened a bit. _Spirits this was bad timing. I can't even get up now without some 'revelations' coming to light, "_What did you want to talk to me about?"

Fascinated, he watched her start to apply some sort of paint to her face. He'd known humans did this, but he'd never seen it done, "I hate to take up your time. I know we've all been doing that, maybe way too much. But I don't think this thing I need to do will be able to wait til after the Omega-4 relay, so-"

"Garrus, you know you need only ask, and I'll do my best to do." _Oh some of the things I would ask you to do, _he choked back the thought as his eyes were riveted to her mouth, as she rubbed some kind of light pink stick over them, dragging the skin in a way that was highly erotic. Her exposed shoulders begged to be caressed and he could only dream of how good she'd smell if he put his face against her jaw, nuzzling her neck. With effort, he shut down his highly imaginative brain.

"You remember Sidonis, the one who betrayed my team." The words dragged out of him, but it was getting easier to ignore the suddenly overwhelmingly female Shepard as he focused on business, "I found a lead on him. There's a...specialist on the Citadel, named Fade. He's an expert on making people...disappear. Sidonis was seen with him."

She looked at him through the reflection of the mirror, pausing her ministrations to rest her elbows on the desk and resting her chin on her clasped hands, "What are you planning to do when you find him?"

He leaned back and gazed at her ceiling, "You humans have a saying, 'an eye for an eye, a life for a life'. He owes me ten lives and I plan to collect."

"You're sure that's how you wanna play it?" He looked at her. Her face was an unreadable mask, he really wished he knew what she was thinking.

"I'm...sure. I don't need you to agree with me, but I'd like your help." He closed his eyes, wincing. A scraping noise made them pop open again to see that Shepard had rolled her chair close to him, knees almost touching his, and was facing him in earnest appraisal.

"Where do we find Fade?" She steepled her hands in a way that was disconcertingly reminiscent of Thane.

Clearing his throat, he continued, "I've arranged a meeting. We'll meet him in a warehouse near the neon markets down on Zakera Ward. Thanks, Shepard, I... appreciate you taking the time to help me."

Shepard stood, looming over him. He noticed that she was wearing shoes with a high heel, like the kind Miranda favored. They made her legs seem to stretch on forever. She smiled at him, reaching over to grab some shiny thing from her desk, "Think you could give me a hand? I'll hold my hair out of the way and you clasp these ends together around my neck."

It was some sort of necklace she handed to him, all silver with chain bits. After studying the clasps for a second, he stood obediently as she turned her back to him. Stretching it out he stepped closer to drape it over her front, trying so very hard not to touch her, his control was already waning. His imagination supplied him with Shepard making a little gasp, because surely that wouldn't happen, right?

Her hand came up to pull her hair out of the way and he froze when he brushed against her bare shoulder. He was still too far away to see the clasp so he leaned closer, eyes rolling back as he smelled her perfumed hair. This was doing nothing for his composure as he fumbled with the tiny latch. Finally it was done after what seemed like an eternity.

His hands hovered over her shoulders and he couldn't help it as his thumbs ghosted so very lightly over her shoulder blades. She trembled, just the tiniest shudder and wrenching his gaze away from that smooth neck with the very last trace of his discipline, he stepped back.

"Thank you, Garrus." Shepard said, breathily. She strode away from him to the door and he could just glimpse a flushed cheek as she got on the elevator. _ Good thing she hadn't turned around, _thought Garrus wryly, looking down at his embarrassment, which had tented his pants. In those last few seconds, he'd been unplated and ready to go. Just barely stopped himself from pulling the bottom edge of that scandalous dress up and showing her exactly how much he desired her. Garrus groaned as his hard-on finally receded into his body, plates coming together to hide it again.

_Spirits, that woman will be the death of me._


	12. Chapter 12

It was clear now to him that Shepard still felt...something for him. Whether that held a candle to whatever feelings she might be developing for a certain drell assassin was as yet unclear. Garrus really didn't know what to do about it. Could he make her any more happy than Thane? He didn't know, certain that he was still damaged goods.

_Spirits, maybe it was time to stop running and fight for her, for this chance to be with her_. It was shaky resolve, but there you have it. He'd been thinking about it all morning, after suffering through the most frustratingly erotic dreams he'd ever had. All soft flesh and whispers in the dark, the tumble of soft hair against his cheek. His hands and eyes full of her, making her cry out, making her writhe under him. He groaned, this was not helping him think straight.

They were on route to the Citadel, and soon Shepard, Thane and he were waiting in the airlock for the ship to dock. Garrus traded quips with Joker and EDI. He was amused by their sort of old married couple type of quibbling, so he, in grandest fashion, egged it on. In the interests of science of course, so he could make... observations, and to, borrowing one of Zaeed's many whimsical phrases, 'take the piss' in regards to Joker. He felt inordinately pleased that he was able to make Shepard laugh occasionally.

So, apparently, Thane had some sort of business on the Citadel, too. Shepard was killing two birds with one stone, as they say. He felt a tiny bit irritated by that. But he supposed it would be selfish of him to expect alone time with Shepard. They were here for business not pleasure. It was time for Garrus to get his head in the game.

Garrus was mildy surprised that they were able to get past security so easily. Shepard must have been back to the Citadel since her death, a fact further collaborated by a human man in a C-Sec uniform waving to her as she ran past. As she waved back, Garrus shook his head in awe. You would think being dead would be cause for concern if it were obvious from the whole walking, talking thing that you weren't. Doors just opened for Shepard. He shouldn't be surprised at this. Must be settled, though, so he let it go.

* * *

Fade turned out to be a volus, and a fake. The real Fade was an ex-C-Sec officer named Harkin. A real piece of work. Work meaning shit in this context. Garrus remembered the corrupt man from way back before he'd joined Shepard's crew the first time. A very bad egg, indeed. And now he was helping criminals drop off the grid? Oh, he was going to enjoy shutting him down.

The ride to the factory district was silent in an awkward way. He could feel Thane staring at the back of his head, blankly, tapping his fingertips together idly. Shepard was looking out the passenger side window, brows creased in deep thought. Garrus kept glancing at her sidelong. He knew her. She was going to say something. Something he wasn't going to like too much. But she kept her silence.

When the vehicle landed, they disembarked in silence. Garrus moved with purpose to a heavily guarded door. He eyed the Blue Suns mercs with scorn. Harkin walked into view behind them and stopped, staring, "Shepard?"

Then the little weasel ran for it, ordering his guards to attack. Garrus called after him, "Run all you like, Harkin. We'll find you!" As he and Shepard dropped into cover, he looked around for Thane, but the man had disappeared. Maybe he was pulling a Kasumi. After all he'd heard, he kind of did want to see the man in action. A strangled gasp made him look around his cover. All the guards were down and Thane was just standing there, _Damn, if you blink, you miss it._

_"_Leave some for the rest of us." Cajoled Garrus, walking past him dropping the point of his rifle to the ground.

Thane smiled and said softly, "My apologies. I will try to kill them...slower."

_Now that, that was a joke._ Garrus was a bit stunned, could it be that this angsty brooder had a sense of humor? He felt a flush of shame, a moment of self realization when he realized that Thane wasn't the only angsty brooder in their little family.

And then all hell broke loose, there were mechs everywhere interspersed with the odd merc. Garrus stood on a crate behind another crate and started lining up his shots. He especially liked it when they bunched up and he could put a shot through one face and out another. He was scoped in on a merc about to squeeze off a round when the merc's head exploded, showering gore on his buddies, who dropped back to find cover.

Garrus looked over at Thane, who'd taken a similar position on the other side of this room. The drell shrugged, gesturing elegantly with his sniper rifle that he should keep going. Oddly, Garrus found himself smiling. _Two snipers, oh, man this was going to be a damn cake walk. _Instead of being put out, as he expected, Garrus found himself starting to appreciate the man's eye. They started a deadly crossfire that destroyed the enemy ranks, startling them into a full on retreat. Not that that saved them at all. If they left any part of themselves out of cover, there was soon a bullet in it.

The drell was nearly as good as he was, some of his shots not falling quite center and what Thane started, Garrus finished, definitively. They moved in tandem, finding perfect nests and just working the opposition over. So caught up was he that he was scoping the room for a good twenty seconds before he realized that all the mercs and mechs were dead. The adrenaline rush faded slowly, his blood cooling. Thane appeared beside him and they both hopped off the crates to the deck.

Garrus looked down at the smaller man, grinning, gave him a little bump with his elbow. Was surprised when it was returned. And Thane laughed, actually laughed. A loud crunch behind them had the two men spinning.

Shepard was there, leaning against a crate, munching on an apple. In the midst of this mayhem, Garrus was reminded of the time he'd found her eating a sandwich in the Presidium right after they'd defeated Saren. _Wait, where did she find an apple? _Did she even shoot anyone?

"Did you even shoot anybody?" Garrus echoed aloud. He crossed his arms, huffing in mock consternation.

"Not a one." She smiled a crooked, cheeky little grin at him between bites of fruit.

"Honestly, first the thing with that gun on Horizon, now it's grocery shopping. What do you even do any more?"

"My boys had it. So I just sat back and enjoyed the show." She shrugged nonchalantly, then tossed the applecore to the side and strode between the two bemused men. Then Shepard said to them, "I'm actually surprised I got the drop on you two. Slipping, Krios, slipping."

"Hmmm, maybe I didn't find an apple threatening." Thane mused, exchanging a glance with Garrus.

"Think I can't kill a man with an apple?" Shepard turned an eye behind her to where they followed, her brow arched.

"On the contrary, I can think of three ways to kill a man with an apple. Two of them involve poisons, the last, a juicer and rubber tubing." Thane smiled, clearly amused.

"Hmmm, really." She smiled like she had a secret. They walked a door into a small room, conveniently filled with heat sinks. A blast shield was covering a window in front of them. She slapped a control and it dropped, revealing another crate filled room. Garrus didn't see any movement out there, but that didn't mean there weren't more mercs protecting Harkin. He peered into the factory, turning to Shepard when she said, "You worked with Harkin at C-Sec?"

"Yeah, he was a pain in the ass back then, too." Garrus clenched a fist, frustrated that he was so close to exacting his revenge, "But I'm in no mood to play his games. If he doesn't want to cooperate, I'll beat him to within an inch of his life."

Shepard sighed, turning to lean a hand on the windowsill, looking him full in the face, "You seem to be getting tense, Garrus."

The woman was maddening. She knew why he was here. He had to lay to rest this last bit of business. With difficulty, he answered her, trying to keep a growl out of his voice, "Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear. If so, he knows why we're here and I don't want him tipping Sidonis off-"

Movement out of the corner of his eye had him dropping into cover, closely followed by Shepard. He looked over at her, "Did you see that?"

"I saw something." She replied, checking her ammo, grabbing some heat sinks. "We won't catch him waiting here."

"Right behind you." He kept close to her six as they moved into the large room where Garrus had spotted movement. He immediately started assessing where the best line of sight was on each open zone up ahead. He saw Shepard pause for a moment, head tilted slightly as though listening to something, watched her smile in a devious way. _Oh, someone is in trouuuuble._

True to form and probably because Harkin possessed not once ounce of creativity, they were immediately attacked by mechs and mercs. Garrus signalled to Thane and the two men started patiently constructing a kill box, forcing their enemy into smaller and smaller confines with deadly crossfire. Garrus looked over to Shepard, who amazingly had produced another apple, was tossing it lightly in the air. She waited until she had Thane's eye and gently lobbed it into a group of three mercs who'd bunkered down just inside one of the shipping crates. Garrus scoped in just in time to see one of them pick it up, turn it over and yell, "GRENADE!"

The mercs scrambled but to no avail as the explosive shoved into the apple's core went off, killing all three. Garrus couldn't help but laugh at Shepard's smug expression. Thane shook his head, a smile on his face, "Four."

"Keep counting, Krios." Shepard had another apple in her hand. _Just how many did she have? _Garrus wondered, but given the size of her pack, she couldn't have too many more. She was a bit closer to Garrus, almost within arms reach and her voice low, said, "This'll probably only work once."

Shepard gave the fruit an overhead toss, yelling "GRENADE!"

As the mercs shot their entire payload at the crimson projectile, they didn't pay attention to how far out of cover they had moved. Shepard drew a _sniper rifle_, a thing Garrus had never before witnessed, and popped the heads off four of them before they caught on. _Holy crap, _thought Garrus, jaw dropped in awe. Shepard reached over and gently closed his mouth, hand under his chin. Oh, this woman, this brilliant deadly woman. He wanted to grab her then and there, Harkin be damned.

"Five. Very amusing." Thane's voice drifted over to them, "But, I wonder, how many more you could have?"

"Just the one." The one being even now in her hand.

Garrus was dying to know what she planned to do with it, was stunned to witness this playful side to her on the battlefield. Just then, he saw them, "Heavy mechs!"

They hit the ground with a resounding thud, shaking the decking beneath their feet. Shepard leaned in close to him, close enough that he could smell her unique scent of gun oil and soap and he swallowed reflexively as he tried to hear her over the wild beating of his heart, "We're going to try for a two-fer."

"Two-fer. You're going to have to explain that one."

"Two for one. In about fifteen seconds, I want you to overload the one on the right, then drop it's armor as fast as you can, about half-strength should do it." She scrambled over to Thane, presumably to relay the plan. The two heavy mechs, still bunched together stalked slowly toward their position. Garrus counted under his breath, then unleashed an overload, popping the one's shields, then pulled out his assault rifle and laid into the staggering mech. He could see Thane doing the same to the other mech. Shepard was peering intently on something above their heads and when he glanced up for a moment, all he saw were servo-mechs transporting large barrels.

Suddenly, with one swift movement, she let the apple fly with a heave, grunting with the effort. Garrus, otherwise too occupied to watch its ascent, nevertheless heard it impact one of the barrels with a ping, setting off a creaking sort of groan that ended in a shriek as the barrel broke loose, falling perfectly into the midst of the two damaged heavy mechs.

He wasn't prepared for the resulting explosion and had to reel back in the face of the concussive blast. When his vision cleared, there was no sign of the mechs and Thane was standing next to him, an uncharacteristic expression of incredulity on his face. Shepard stood and nodded in satisfaction, "Nice."

Garrus barked out a laugh, "Two-fer. I like it."

Thane made his way over to them, "Six. Mmm, I am always gratified to be shown new experiences in my lifetime, Siha. But never have I witnessed as many as I have since joining your crew."

"To quote Randy Bachman, 'You ain't seen nothing yet." With that, Shepard led the two men past the remaining token resistance to the control room. A flick of her eyes told Garrus that there was another exit in the room. Without a word, he split off and stealthily made his way over to it, just in case the worm decided to make a run for it. Which he did, backing away from Shepard straight into Garrus' waiting arms.


	13. Chapter 13

The atmosphere in the aircar was suffocatingly tense. Garrus waited, knowing a confrontation was inevitable. She'd been silent this whole time, and Garrus knew that that was going to change, whether he was ready or not. Thane seemed to have withdrawn from them completely from where he was at in the back, or he was intent on his own problems. Either way, Garrus was grateful for his non interference.

He parked the aircar and finally decided that if she wasn't going to start it, then he was, "Harkin's a bloody menace. We shouldn't have just let him go. He deserved to be punished."

She pursed her lips, still looking out the windshield as she replied, "I'm getting a little worried about you, Garrus. You were pretty hard on Harkin back there."

What could he tell her? Try to explain the black rage he felt as he looked at the man? How part of him gleefully wanted to make the human suffer? There weren't words to describe his contempt for Harkin. "You don't think he deserved it?"

And more, his voice implied with a harsh edge. She steadfastly refused to look at him, "It's just not like you."

Garrus wished she would just look at him, so he could see what she was thinking, but that implacable mask was in place and it hurt him to see it. She had to know he needed this...closure, finally put his dead team to rest, finally put his demons to rest. He felt she expected something from him right now. He was going to fail her yet again. He rasped out, "What do you want from me, Jane?"

The use of her given name finally made her look around to him and the pain in them made him break his gaze off. He turned his head to look out the window, saying, "What would you do if someone betrayed you?"

Her voice was soft as it floated to him, "I'm not sure. But I wouldn't let it change me."

"I would have said the same thing before it happened to me."

"It's not too late. You don't have to go through with this."

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't. Nobody else knows what he's done." Ten dead men and women. Ten good people, left to rot in an apartment on Omega. No families to mourn them, this was all he could do. "No one else cares. I don't see any other option."

He shook his head free from his sudden doubts, "I need to set up."

Garrus peered at the catwalks and corridors that made up this part of the Citadel, he pointed, "I can get a clear shot from over there."

She ducked her head to see the spot he indicated. "You just want me to get him in position?"

Her sudden acquiescence worried him a bit, "Basically. Keep him talking for a minute. When I've got him in my sights, I'll let you know. Give me a signal so I know you're ready, and I'll take the shot. You better go. He'll be here soon."

He got out of the aircar and turned back to her, ruthlessly pushing down the doubt he felt as he looked into her face. That face that had gotten him through so many dark nights, and whose absence had brought him so much misery. Things were coming to a head between them, events pushing them onto colliding trajectories and he wasn't sure what it would bring. But he couldn't let this thing go, just couldn't. His team didn't deserve this final betrayal. He couldn't conscience being the one to do that.

He didn't realize until he'd gotten halfway to his chosen post that he'd acquired a shadow. Thane walked behind him, silently but still seemingly casually. Garrus shot the man a questioning look, "Krios."

The smaller man quickened his stride to come even with him, "I...felt that I should offer my assistance."

"You're not the only one who's ever assassinated anyone. Did you think I wouldn't have the ability to see this through?" Garrus felt a wave of anger at the drell.

"Not at all. I merely wanted to observe and perhaps help as a spotter." He followed Garrus up the ladder to the catwalks overseeing the area where Shepard was expected to meet with a certain turian traitor. "You are quite the sniper and I wished to pick up some...pointers."

Rage acquiesed, Garrus looked curiously at the man. It would help to have a second pair of eyes up there, so he could minimize any chance of collateral damage. He nodded, striding quickly to the point he'd picked out. For this, he pulled out his tripod and lay prone, waiting for Shepard to show. Thane had his scope in his hands, scanning the crowds below them. They still had some time, so Garrus looked over at the assassin, "So...apples."

The drell laughed dryly, "Indeed. I'll have to change my loadout to include them as an off hand."

Garrus chuckled, "Shepard's full of surprises. I think my jaw hit the floor when she pulled out that Viper."

"I think she was just glad to have hit her marks. I've never seen someone who is as, let's say...well-rounded, in the arena of war as abysmal with a sniper rifle as she was when I first started teaching her." Thane shook his head, making a disapproving sound in his throat.

Garrus froze, "You've been teaching her how to shoot?"

"Yes, she fairly demanded it of me, you know how...compelling she can be." Garrus eyed the smaller man, feeling jealousy and envy at the same time. Shepard went to the drell instead of him to learn a skill the turian was a consummate expert in. They must be closer than he thought. He felt a touch of blinding anguish then, _Guess I never had a shot._ He blinked his stinging eyes clear and took a deep breath.

"Why didn't she come to me? I could have shown her a thing or two." The words came out a little harsher than he wanted and Thane looked over at him sharply.

"Why not, indeed? Shepard's motives are a mystery even to me. But if I were to guess, I'd say it was precisely for the look on your face back there." Thane laughed again, and Garrus joined, albeit a little strained. "She is a tactician to the core. It wouldn't surprise me to know that she set all of this up to the last detail."

No, that couldn't be right. This was his fight, his redemption. She wouldn't manipulate him like that, would she? Garrus thought hard about it, knowing in his heart that she was more than capable. She promised to help him, the ghosts of his past demanded it to be...settled. His thoughts were spiraling, he could almost hate her if it was true. Thane's voice dragged him back to the present, "In truth, I am...dreading the next leg of our journey here."

Garrus cleared his throat, eyes back on the crowd below, watching for that telltale flash of red hair, "What is it? The thing you asked Shepard to do."

Thane looked at him over his shoulder, "I received some information about...my son."

"Didn't know you had a kid, Thane." It felt appropriate to use the man's first name now, since he was in the mood to impart personal information. It was strange to know that this deadly little man had a family out there. Made him more...approachable, somehow. Not just a killing machine.

"He's become...disconnected. He found out what I'd been doing...for work and has decided to take a contract. Someone here has hired him as a hitman." There was pain in the man's voice, and Garrus couldn't help but feel for him.

"What do you mean, disconnected?"

"He does as his body wills. The body is not our true selves, the soul is. Body and soul work as one in a whole person. When the soul is weakened by despair or fear, or when the body is ill or injured, the individual is disconnected, no longer whole." Garrus had a memory flash him back to a rainy graveyard hillside and Anderson's voice telling him that Shepard was almost a whole person at the end, so he knew what Thane meant, knew it in his heart. He nodded for Thane to continue, "Kolyat, my son, he may be trying to find...connection with me by taking this darker path. That thought haunts me more than any other."

As Garrus watched the pain in the drell's every movement, in his voice, in his posture, he was struck by how strangely similar all their lives were. The circumstances were slightly different, but they'd all shared this despair, the feeling of helplessness against the forces of fate brought to bear on them. He knew what Kolyat felt because of his own experiences dealing with a father who only meant the best for him, but only brought bitterness with his interference. Seeing Thane now shed a whole different light on how his own father must have felt when instead of following the straight and narrow, duty above all else, Garrus had decided to take the harder route, the more pain filled route.

With a surge of guilt, he realized he hadn't spoken to his family since before Shepard died. And even then it had been a heated argument about his decision to follow a human Spectre into a life of piracy and tyranny. He resolved to correct his lapse as soon as he could. Before their fateful voyage beyond the Omega-4 relay, it might be the only chance. He offered poor comfort, dropping his hand onto Thane's shoulder, hoping his sincere tone would be more consoling than the actual words, "That's...rough, buddy. If anyone can sort it out, Shepard can and I'll do my best to help as well."

Thane nodded in thanks, taking the words the way Garrus meant them, "You place an extraordinary amount of faith in Shepard, Garrus. You have been through a lot together, yes?"

"Hell and back. She's making a habit of it though." said Garrus with a wry twist of a grin. "So, welcome aboard the crazy train."

"I think Shepard is far from insane. I think she's saner than anyone I've ever met." That's because he hasn't known her long, wasn't there at the very beginning when Shepard had been far from sane. Wasn't there to see all of hell's demons dance in her eyes. Garrus shuddered at the memory and Thane watched him closely, eyes half lidded.

"Here comes Shepard." Garrus set up his shot, tracking her carefree amble through the crowded corridors. Even though she was fully armed and armored, everything about her attitude said harmless, unimportant. She glided beneath notice like a phantom, the crowd parted in ignorance and soon forgot her very existence. Thane made a low whistle as he watched her. This wasn't stealth, exactly. She just melded with the masses, became part of the machine.

"Fascinating." The word was overlaid with tones of awe and a little too much interest, if Garrus was any judge. He couldn't begrudge the man though. She was a chameleon, adapting to every situation with aplomb. It was one of her most endearing traits, one of the things he l-...admired about her.

Garrus opened a comm channel to Shepard, "Shepard, can you hear me?"

Watched her in his scope as she tilted her head, responding, "Loud and clear."

His blood ran cold as he spotted a familiar and hated figure, "There he is...wave him over and keep him talking."

Watched those graceful fingers come up and beckon Sidonis to her. His mouth went dry, it was the moment of truth. Do or die, and other such cliches. His gut clenched, roiling in doubt, but he swallowed that down. _ Just him in my scope, just this._ His mandibles were fluttering, the only outward sign of his inner turmoil. In the midst of his tunnel vision, he heard Sidonis, Shepard must have left her comm channel open, "Let's get this over with."

If his blood ran cold before, now it was on fire. That voice brought to mind all the misery he'd been suffering for two years, he rasped hoarsely, "You're in my shot. Move to the side."

Listened unbelieving as Shepard said, "Listen, Sidonis. I'm here to help you."

_No, nonono, this is-she can't, _in his sudden blinding rage, he focused on the back of her head, listened through deep shuddering breaths as Sidonis said, "Don't ever say that name aloud."

"I'm a friend of Garrus'." Garrus growled low in his chest, willing his fingers away from the trigger so he wouldn't try to silence the lie. It must be a lie, a friend wouldn't do this to him. She continued, "He wants you dead. I'm...hoping that won't be necessary."

He took a deep breath to steady his aim and started looking for openings around her, try to take the traitor down, no more discussion. But she knew, she knew him so very well, so she stayed planted in his shot and he was helpless, unless he wanted to shoot through her. Sidonis' voice droned at him, "Garrus? Is this some kind of joke...?"

"Damn you, Shepard. If he moves, I'm taking the shot." His voice was almost unrecognizable to him now, low and deadly and so very horribly flat. The demons in his head laughed at him, at how ineffectual he was.

"You're not kidding, are you?" Almost shouted in triumph when the hated man tried to bolt, was almost in his scope at last. "Screw this. I'm not sticking around to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems..."

Then Shepard was in his scope again, he made a little keen of frustration. All his training, all his patience was out the window. Blue flames on the edge of his vision as he stared at the back of Shepard's head. Her voice in his head, "Don't move. I'm the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head."

Garrus felt Thane shift next to him slightly. But he was lost in the world of the scope, just him and Sidonis and Shepard between them. He could feel his control slipping, it always had in regards to her. How easy it would be to drop her and Sidonis at the same time, his rifle had the power to push a bullet through two bodies effortlessly. He fingered the trigger absently, listening now, to the dark voices in his head, and to the damned man standing down there, Sidonis saying, "Fuck. Look...I didn't want to do it. I didn't have a choice."

_LIAR! _ Garrus screamed in his head, but ground out from between clenched teeth, "Everyone has a choice."

Sidonis' voice buzzed in his ear and he couldn't help but to listen, "They got to me. Said they'd kill me if I didn't help them. What was I supposed to do?"

_Die! You were supposed to die! _Again, he swallowed the words, pleading instead softly into Shepard's ear, his voice almost keening, "Let me take the shot, Jane. He's a damn coward."

"So you were just trying to save yourself." A warning of violence in her tone as she addressed that turian down there. He imagined her eyes blazing and it sent a cold shudder through him. He was awash with sudden clarity. This was _Shepard_ down there, his hand jerked away from the trigger. He had been contemplating shooting _Shepard. _His mind reeled from the shock as he listened to Sidonis' agonized voice, "I know what I did. I know they died because of me. I have to live with that."

And Garrus listened, really listened to the despair in that voice, "I wake up every night...sick...and sweating. Each of their faces staring at me...accusing me."

Up in his nest, Garrus spun headlong into a memory of holding a dying Shepard in that horrible apartment where a rocket had taken off a bit of his face. Just a nightmare, one of so many, all bound up in his guilt and self loathing. Suddenly, he drew many parallels between Sidonis and himself, a likeness that shook him to the core.

Garrus closed his eyes, hearing that broken man echoing his thoughts, "I'm already a dead man. I don't sleep. Food has no taste. Some days I just want it to be over."

Shepard spoke to him softly, "You've got to let it go, Garrus. He's already paying for his crime."

"He hasn't paid enough. He still has his life." Things were getting confused, he wasn't sure who he was talking about any more. "My men...deserved better."

His men deserved better. They'd deserved better than him, too. Ten men dead, either by Sidonis' hand directly or Garrus' hand indirectly, the blame lay with both of them. If he shot this man, he'd have to shoot himself. He couldn't do that, couldn't do that to Shepard. She'd already lost so much, he wouldn't do it. He dully heard Sidonis through his comm, "Tell Garrus...I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right..."

Garrus croaked, feeling like curling into a little ball, "Just...go. Tell him to go."

He heard an audible sigh of relief from Thane and he looked over to see the drell slowly take his hand from his SMG. Garrus shook his head violently, in denial. But the truth was there in his head waiting for him. He'd been ready to shoot Shepard, and Thane had been there to stop him. It almost broke him all over again. He gasped in a breath hoarsely and reached out a shaky hand to squeeze Thane's shoulder, silently grateful. He'd never have forgiven himself if he'd done that. He'd have eaten a bullet right after, he knew it in his soul.

Thane was prepared to do for Shepard what Garrus should have been doing this whole time. Protect her, at any cost. Thane was a good man and worthy. If Shepard...wanted Thane, he would be glad for her, for them. He took a trembling breath, barely hearing Sidonis promise to make it up to him somehow.

How would he face her now? How many times had he asked himself that? He'd lost count. But he was no coward. Silently the two men packed up and went to meet Shepard at the aircar. Shepard's eyes were riveted to him as he slowly walked toward her, eyes sad in her serene face. Garrus had to keep reminding himself that he didn't do it, that she was there, alive. Handling her like glass, he pulled her into an embrace, her solidness comforting, and rested his chin on the top of her head. He said, "I know you want to talk about this...But I don't. Not yet."

She nodded in understanding, clasping her hands behind Garrus' back, "It..was for the best."

"I just couldn't do it. My men deserved to be avenged..." He sighed, ruffling her hair, "I just want to know I did the right thing. It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey...I don't know what to do with grey."

She pulled back from him and rested her hand over his heart, "Trust this."

"My...armor?" She laughed and her face lit up like the dawning of the sun. He felt his heart grow lighter. If such beauty could survive such adversity, then he could find redemption through another road. Maybe someday he'd even forgive himself. He hoped wherever they were, his dead comrades could forgive him. "C'mon, big guy. I'm driving."

"Spirits, Shepard, trying to kill us all? The Reapers will be disappointed." Garrus climbed into the back of the aircar, gesturing Thane to take the front seat. He needed to be alone with his thoughts. He withdrew as Thane and Shepard discussed Thane's son, Kolyat.


	14. Chapter 14

Helping Thane with his son cemented his unlikely friendship with the assassin. Moved by how vulnerable the man had been in the presence of his son and his son's accusations. Garrus hoped that some good had come of their private conversation, he really did. It reminded him how short all of their time was and he should contact his family soon, if he ever intended to. So, he wandered through Zakera Ward while Shepard talked to Bailey and Thane was handling Kolyat. He found a secure courier easily and sent an encoded message to his sister on Palaven with the Normandy's extranet IP so she could contact him back.

He wandered without purpose after that, relaxing into that patented policeman's stroll as he walked what used to be his beat way before any of this Shepard madness came into his life. Not that he'd have it any other way. Life would never have seemed as profound without her in his.

Thane's story about his wife haunted Garrus a bit. If Shepard had died in a similar way, he feared what he would have done to get revenge. No force in the traverse would have stopped him. Someone would have had to put him down as a rabid animal. As it was, her death had broken him. Garrus could only hope now that he was truly on the mend. A poison had been leeched out of him, leaving the raw edges of his psyche to regroup.

For once, he was feeling, well not good, but almost content and decided to drop into the Dark Star bar. He was about to send a message to the ship to see if anyone was interested when he spotted Miranda, Jacob and Zaeed already there. He sidled up to Miranda's blind side, she was turned to her right, speaking to Massani, who, playing along when Garrus put his finger on his mouth, pretended not to see him. Garrus delighted in her little shriek when she turned at a brush on her elbow and spun to face a tall, looming turian inches from her face. The other two men laughed as she huffed at him, "Vakarian, you almost gave me a heart attack."

"Honey, you need to_ have_ a heart first for that." He defused his statement with a grin, ducking under light blows from her fists.

"Don't think I won't biotically slam you into this bar." Her accent turned the word into 'bah', he smiled down into her eyes and sat next to them.

"How 'bout I make it up to you by letting you buy me a drink?" She spluttered in indignation, but still signalled the bartender to come over.

Zaeed eyed him as he sat back with his drink, "How'd the thing go?"

"It went." Garrus really didn't want to elaborate, wincing a bit as he took a sip. "Why don't we get a table?"

They staked out a corner of the bar that was semi-secluded with a low couch that ran all along the wall in a U-shape. The music was just low enough that they could converse freely. Massani plopped down near him and choked back a shot, grimacing at the taste. The human looked over at him askance, "Kasumi, Jack and Mordin are coming later. I told'em to leave Grunt, I don't want to have to babysit a full-grown krogan. Tried to sweet talk Chakwas into coming out but she said she had her own private reserves, eh? Ha."

Garrus nodded, taking a deeper swallow of his drink, "Chakwas has good taste."

"Gah, I hope not. No hope for me then, right? Been trying to get into her knickers since she sewed up my leg." The mercenary smiled wryly, "Got to get my jollies before we're all dead. Where's Skipper and the green one?"

"Wrapping up some business downstairs. I went for a walk, needed to clear my head." Garrus leaned back, letting the warmth of the liquor course lazily to his limbs.

"Clear your head...right." Zaeed leveled a frank gaze at him, "Nuffin's ever...easy when it comes to Shepard, is it? Especially when it comes to her brand of 'help'."

Garrus grunted non-commitally, looking around the bar. It lacked the sleaziness of Afterlife, he felt he could almost relax here. He ordered another drink and settled back, meeting the mercenary's eyes, "Nothing worth doing is ever easy."

"True, true, but I wanted to kill Vido, ever since he put a bullet in my face. Ruined my good looks. That's vandalism, that is." Massani barked a laugh. "I didn't ask for a cause, when I joined up. I'm a bloody mercenary, me. Been soaked in blood for too many years to believe that it can ever be washed clean. And she put her gun in my face. Right in my fuckin' face, tells me we have to save some sodding workers and I have to let that bastard go."

Garrus nodded again, it seemed the most appropriate response. This...event must have happened before she saved him on Omega. Saved him...she was always saving him. Then, it had been his life. Today, it had been his soul. He would never be able to pay that debt completely, but he wanted to try. So badly did he want to try.

Zaeed was waving his arm in aggravation, "And I do. And I cannot for the life of me even figure out why."

The merc slumped back in his chair. Garrus was facing the door when he saw the familiar shape of Shepard walk in, followed closely by Thane. She smiled when she saw their small group, moving to join them. Thane halted her with a hand on her wrist, leaning in to say something to her. Her brow crinkled and the pair moved to a small booth instead, Shepard's back to them. Garrus swallowed thickly, feeling anguish burn in his chest. He said to Massani without looking at him, "Because she's Shepard."

Massani looked at him in disbelief, which slowly shifted to chagrin, "Yeah...she's Shepard. You know, I'm kind of glad we didn't leave those workers to burn. I've got enough ghosts following me as it is. And I can always get Vido later."

"Remorse, Zaeed? From a hardened mercenary bastard like you? For shame." said Kasumi as she popped into existence in their midst, plopping into the lap of the bemused mercenary. "Buy me a drink, sailor."

"Fancy a little dandle on my knee, little girl? You're young enough to be my granddaughter." Massani laughed at his own joke, passing her his drink which she dropped back in one gulp. Another round was ordered when the rest of the crew showed up, dropping comfortably in places next to people they'd have hated in their former lives. Garrus stared in wonder as Miranda and Jack traded mostly good-natured gibes, their cattyness at an all time low. Even Samara showed up, with Grunt, Ken and Gabby in tow. It became a party in earnest, with laughs and jabs all around.

Garrus was starting to feel a bit fuzzy round the edges as the night wore on, the couple of months since his last serious drinking binge must have lowered his tolerance. He was having a good time, even if the celebration had a desperate edge to it. He was staring at Shepard's back, thinking how he'd love to touch her hair, that curious human hair held such a fascination for him. He watched her reach across the table and put her hand over Thane's, seeming intimately. Garrus wrenched his eyes away then, unable to watch any more without hurting, all of him just hurting.

Aware he was getting maudlin, he called for a toast, waving his arms and lifting his glass, "To me!"

After a moment to puzzle that one out, the crew broke out into laughs and called as one, "To me!"

"To you!" Garrus toasted again, shouting now.

"To you!" Came the echo, raucous now. They jostled and guffawed.

Garrus stood for the last one, saying reverently, "To the Normandy!"

"To the Normandy." They quaffed soberly. Zaeed shot him a wicked smile and shouted, "May she keep the wet side down!"

The group erupted into laughter again, calling for a new round. After a time, it died down to a more quiet gathering. They'd broken into smaller groups to speak softly of personal things. Garrus barely noticed when they all started drifting off, having quite a bit of a buzz by then.

He was staring blearily at the burnt cowl of his armor thinking about replacing it when someone lifted him up by an arm, "C'mon, big boy, let's get you home."

"The Normandy, the Normandy is home." He mumbled, trying to go where the...nice person was steering him. "Home is where the heart is, the humans say. That's where my heart is anyway."

"I'll tell EDI that you love her." A soft voice chuckled near him. He swung round to look and almost fell, the person guiding him cursed. Funny, he thought he heard it coming from below and behind him.

"Not EDI. Normandy has its own spirit,_ her_ spirit. All of us love her spirit. It makes us...better." He waved his hand vaguely, trying to draw what he meant in the air. "She flies and we fight to keep up."

"Garrus, our drunken poet." Stairs were really hard to navigate when you're falling down drunk, or they were really easy, depending on how you looked at it. He barely managed, leaning on the mobile support that seemed to be following him.

"She flies so high sometimes I think she'll get burned up in the sun." He made a swooping motion with his hand, "I don't want that. Never wanted that."

Corridors were easy, corridors were a fuckin' cake walk, and he said so to the voice following him, rewarded by a hearty chuckle. They reached the airlock and he leaned his cheek against the cool metal as the person with him fiddled with the access panel, "Mmmm. Home. More like home than Palaven, even."

"She's a good ship. Lots of new doodads that Cerberus put in. I'm thinking about keeping her." The voice laughed and he was getting steered again. Past CIC, which was thankfully deserted, no one there to see him completely shitfaced. _Small mercies, _he thought. "Jack says we should go pirate. Live on the margins, or as she so eloquently put it, 'Fuck Cerberus, Fuck the council, and Fuck all!'."

"That's like, amazingly articulate for her," The elevator hummed and he hummed back at it, amusing only himself he was sure. The doors opened on the crew deck, Garrus was steered to the gun battery, looking forward to pitching headfirst into bed. No such luck, there were insistent hands, too soft and too fingery, pulling his armor off. It was nice to be out of it, so he let them be.

In the safe darkness of the battery, he heaved a sad sigh, "Almost shot my heart today."

The hands froze, then continued to release seals on his chestpiece, "Oh?"

"Yup. Almost shot my heart dead. Bang!" He held his finger out like a gun, miming the action in the air. "But she saved me. She's always saving me."

At last, he lay down on his cot, his mysterious benefactor still at his side, tucking him in of all things. He chuckled at the ludicrousness of the situation. So strange, he thought he could smell Shepard in here with him, maybe he was finally saturated by her presence. The voice that followed him home from the bar whispered in his ear, "Maybe you saved her first."

"Hmmmm." He lay on his cot, barely conscious of a small body squeezing in next to his. He rolled onto his side to accommodate so the body could nestle comfortably in the hollow he'd made. He draped his free arm over his friend's waist, pulling her undeniably female shape tight to him and silently prepared for oblivion to take him. The last sight he saw was fire flickering in the wake of his breath.


	15. Chapter 15

Something round and firm was pressed in the most pleasant way against his crotch. Barely awake, he moved his hand down to squeeze a very luscious hip, then running that same hand up the dip of a waist to a lightly fleshed ribcage before sliding it around the waist to rest on a soft soft belly. That's when he realized he was naked and fully unplated _and_ sort of gently rocking back and forth, creating a delicious friction against that round firm buttock. He stopped, wondering in guilt just how long he'd been dry humping whoever happened to be in his cot with him.

Thankfully, the battery was dark when he opened his eyes in a slit. The ache in his head informed him that he'd been drinking last night. The smooth expanse of a shoulder greeted him, speckled in tiny brown dots. It led upwards to a graceful neck, and the strange curl of a human ear. He couldn't see her face because his arm was pinned between her and the mattress, so he carefully and slowly extricated himself from her, rising up on his side to look down at her, resting his head in his hand. Of course it was Shepard. There was no mistaking that fan of fiery red across his pillow, the cheek with its constellation of scars. He traced them lightly with a talon, hoping this wasn't a dream. It contained none of the horrors that marked most of his nights. No, this was real, he was done living in fantasy. _ Spirits, this better be real.  
_

She turned over fitfully, without waking, scooting close to him, small hands curling in front of her. He studied her face in repose. Gone was the fearsome general, the deadly warrior. She looked like a certain little girl he remembered from a vid he'd once watched, a musical prodigy whose loving family was holding the camera. That Shepard, it seemed, was far from dead, despite what Shepard might have told him before. The brutality of the slavers' attack on Mindoir hadn't destroyed her, just hidden her deep down in the woman before him. He was looking at her now, in the low light of the battery.

Belatedly, he remembered what exactly happened to that OSD. It was in Shepard's empty grave, back on Earth. He wondered if he could get his hands on it again. He wished he'd given it to her before. Maybe after all this craziness, he'd have the chance to go find it. She deserved to have it.

Shepard tossed her leg over his hip and pulled him forward a bit. He gasped when his erect member rubbed against the cloth covered core of her. This was doing nothing for his composure, it took all his control not to fuck her right then and there. As it was, the sensitive tip of his organ was pressed firmly against her heat and then she rocked a bit against him. His breath was coming faster, he had to stop this before he reached the point of no return. She mewled in her sleep, arms reaching around to embrace him, pressing her body fully to his. She was so soft and warm, and waking. He could see it in her face as she grew more aware. Her lips shaped his name, "...Garrus."

That was too much for him, he rolled her under him, supporting his weight on his arms and looked down at her, trying to push back the lust that filled him. He groaned as she wrapped her thighs around his sensitive waist, gripping him tightly. He rolled his hips into her before trying to back off, before he really did lose it. Soft hands came up to frame his face, pulling it back to face her. Her eyes were open in the dark, deep dilated pools of black with the barest rim of green encircling them.

With a deft heave of her hips, she flipped them over. Now she was on top, grinding down on his cock. He groaned, hands moving around her waist. It was still as slender as he remembered it, maybe even more so, thumbs and fingers touching just barely. Her eyes had a predatory gleam to them that made him rock his hips up into her uncontrollably. Then they softened and she leaned over him until their faces were a breath apart, her eyes intent on his face, "There you are. Found you."

Yes she did, his love for her rolled over him. She leaned back to take off her tank top and he rubbed circles into her hips, willing himself to take it slow. He didn't want to hurt her and he still wasn't exactly sure how this was going to happen, but judging from what he could see and feel of her anatomy, it wasn't all that different from an asari. This was good, he really wanted this to work. Her hand worked it's way down his chest, over his abs, pausing before it actually touched his rigid cock. It was so hard now that it almost hurt. He looked up at her, trying to look helpless as he quipped, "Be gentle."

Her soft chuckle washed over him as she took him in hand. He arched into her palm, a rumbling groan broke from his throat. She wrapped those long, clever fingers around his girth and slowly ran it from base to tip. The feeling was electrifying. He was quickly flying apart, was going to be a shaking, writhing mess if she kept doing that. So, he flipped them, using her earlier maneuver and nestled between her thighs. That annoying piece of cloth that was all that remained between them was ripped away summarily. He tossed it to the side as he looked down at her, fully exposed to his eyes for the first time. He explored every inch of her strange smooth skin with his hands, filled with wonder at their differences. He hefted the globes of her breasts in his palms, flicking his thumbs over the nipples, delighted at how she responded with an arched back and moans. He smelt her arousal on the air and knelt farther down so he could explore her sex. He parted the velvety folds with his fingers, noting that a clear liquid came away on his hands. Some kind of natural lubricant. He licked his finger experimentally, it was earthy and sweet, with a hint of salty.

Her hand came down to stall him. He looked into her worried but lust filled eyes, "You shouldn't. Could die from the allergic reaction."

"Then I would die a very happy man indeed." With that he plunged his tongue into her, making her cry out loudly. He ran his tongue from the top of her crease down to the bottom. Her noises of pleasure were getting very loud indeed. Garrus rolled his hips into the cot, helplessly, trying to gain a little relief from the friction as his wits were being funneled down into his cock. He was a little worried at how small she seemed to be as he gently pushed a finger into her. It was so tight and the muscles gripped his finger in spasms as she writhed above him. He couldn't wait any more and he crawled up so that the head of his erection rested at her opening. He paused, searching her face, "Are you sure?"

She tilted her head up to his, tears in her eyes. He pulled back uncertainly, thinking maybe he'd hurt her somehow. Froze when those clever wicked fingers came up to rub just under his fringe, where the sensation seemed to shoot all the way down into his cock. His hips jerked forward reflexively, the tip of him buried in her. He hissed at the throbbing heat of her around the head of his member. Saw her nod through slitted eyes, felt her pelvis tilt to better accommodate his length. It took all his discipline to work into her slowly, his mouth wide open with the effort, "Fuck, you're so tight. You can't even hold all of me."

But he was wrong. After what seemed like hours of agonized effort, he was fully seated in her. He looked down at their junction and was surprised to see a red film there. He shot a look up at Shepard's face, saw the smile on her lips and the naked desire in her eyes and, reassured, started to move in her. Her inner muscles gripped him tightly as he pulled in and out. Her nails scored his back, skipping over the hard plates and his tongue came out to lap at her neck. He thrust his hands in her hair as what started out as slow deep thrusting soon became a hard fast pounding. He couldn't help himself, every time she arched and called out his name, every time she climaxed around him, he lost a bit more control. Soon he was howling above her like a beast, both his hands pinning her knees by her head. She was so damn flexible, somehow she still used her hands to fondle different parts of him, spurring him on to greater and greater heights.

He_ screamed_ as he came, head stuffed into the bedding to stifle it. White hot pleasure poured through him as he emptied his seed into her, he thrust with each pulse helplessly. He panted her name as he came to rest on her, spent but fully content for the first time in a very long time. Her hand traced the edges of his scarred mandible softly, her ankles came around his waist to lock behind him. She shifted and he winced a bit. At her questioning gaze, he smile ruefully, "We're, uh, gonna be stuck like this for a bit."

He shuddered as she giggled, her inner muscles fluttered around his distended tip. Okay, that was...different. He looked into her face, ran his hands through her hair and gently, oh, so tenderly touched his forehead to hers. His eyes drifted shut at the feelings that welled up in him. He keened softly at the magnitude of them. He opened his eyes to see tears rolling down Jane's smiling face. He lapped one up, it was salty like her...other fluids. He wondered if humans had an ocean dwelling within them. He froze as she placed her lips against his mouthplates, a gentle pushing and pulling as she kissed him. He tried to mimic her as best he could and a sigh dropped from her mouth into his. He touched her tongue with his gently, rolling it around her mouth, exploring her soft palate. He felt himself twitch inside her and pulled away with a groan, "If we don't stop, we're never going to get unstuck."

She laughed at this, and he whined, feeling that funny clenching almost painfully, "Seriously, Jane, mercy please."

So she held him, gently as if he were the fragile one. Maybe he was, he didn't know for certain. Finally, he slid from her, sighing in relief as his spent member retreated back into his plates. She watched this with interest, touching those plates ever so gently to see how they sealed. He laughed at her curiosity, leaning back and pulling her onto his chest as he settled himself. She rested her chin on his chest plates and looked up at him, saying, "Well, good morning."

"Aw, just good? I was going for spectacular. You really know how to break a man's spirit." He cajoled her, laughingly, trailing his hands lazily down her naked back. His eyes focused sharply on her face as a shadow seemed to fall over it, her lip being chewed in a thoughtful way, "What's the matter, Jane? It wasn't bad, was it? Because I can-"

"Can you ever forgive me?" Her eyes were tear filled as she peered at him, guiltily.

"For what?" said he, even though he kind of had an idea where this was headed. She ducked her head, her hair falling over her face in a tangle. He pushed it back so he could watch her eyes.

"I...manipulated you. With Sidonis. And I did it gladly." Her voice was choked and, alarmed, Garrus hugged her against him tightly, "I-I couldn't stand to see you changed because of-"

"You saved my soul back there, Jane. In my darkest hour, you came through for me. You always do." He rubbed her shoulders, trying to comfort her.

"I didn't always." He froze, then continued to rub her shoulders. Her voice came low and pained, "I promised, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did." He said it without any of his former bitterness, "When you...died, I was so angry. I think I was angry at you, me, everyone really. It felt like this grand glorious thing was prevented from happening. I felt cheated, I think. So I lost...my way. But, Jane, you did come for me. It just took longer than I'd hoped. Can you forgive me for losing faith?"

"Yes. Always." Her answers were short, immediate in their sincerity. Her tone said she forgave him everything, all the things that had gone wrong between them. He was humbled by her faith in him. Suddenly, he felt infinitely older and wiser, knew to his core that this kind of perfect trust couldn't exist in many places in the universe and how very foolish he would be to forget that fact. The mind-blowing hubris. How glad he was to have found this understanding again. He rumbled happily, deep in his throat. She started to draw little patterns on his sides with her fingers and he trembled, feeling renewed desire seeping back into his bones.

"Jane, that's really distracting. I'm trying to think deep thoughts here." Her eyes were dancing mischievously under her bangs, her hands moving faster.

"Is Garrus Vakarian ticklish?" She laughed, making a disappointed sound when he grabbed her wrists and pinned them on his shoulders.

"I don't even know what 'ticklish' is, but my sides are...hmmmm...sensitive. And if you don't want to spend the rest of the day in here while I show you just how well your efforts are paying off," With this, he rolled his hips into her, smiling at her gasp, "then I suggest we get moving."

With a sigh, she sat up, stradding him, stretching in a yawn, her bare skin tinted by the blue light of the battery. He watched her with an almost voyeuristic pleasure, eyes half lidded. She slid off him and started gathering up her clothing, and her armor. She was moving awkwardly, with a decidedly pained edge. Garrus was alarmed all over again, starting guiltily, "Did I hurt you?"

Shepard smiled at his concern, "Apparently, when Cerberus rebuilt me, they decided to gift me with this one last indignity."

The look on his face must have given away his internal feelings of self anger at having handled her so roughly, because she laughed and kissed him, "No worries, Garrus. I've been shot, stabbed, blown up and spaced. A little pain with my pleasure, I think I can handle."

His fears were assuaged and he forced himself to let it go. With just a touch of sadness, he watched her flesh get covered up in patches, until the woman was gone and the Commander was standing there. She played with the tangle of her hair, trying to get the red riot in some kind of order. She turned back to him with a smile, "Well, time for the walk of shame. Be ready in twenty, Garrus. We're gonna go get Tali."

She straightened up her back and unlocked the door, walking through it with a businesslike air, brusque and no nonsense. Garrus could imagine her glare at any crewmember that dared to be between her and the elevator, challenging them to comment. He snorted a laugh, sitting up in his cot. He felt peace settle over his whole body. And he finally felt whole again.


	16. Chapter 16

"Fancy a roll up?" Zaeed offered a twisted bit of paper with tobacco in it to him. Garrus chuckled, shaking his head, but taking the cigarette anyway. Looked at how expertly it was bound up, a neat little twist on each end.

"Rolling your own again, Massani? Already went through that box of cigars from Tuchanka?" It had been good to see Wrex again, even if he hadn't been able to come with them. Wrex was king of his mountain now, his responsibilities to his people came first. As it should be. And Garrus was glad to see what plans the krogan had for the future. It was inspiring. Garrus dragged his attention back to Zaeed as the man started talking again.

"Yeah, Gyah, those things were stout. I don't think I've ever tasted anything that awful before, and that's coming from a man who's had rat before." The mercenary spat to one side, face crinkling in disgust.

"Well, I'm told that they use pyjak droppings for fertilizer. Wouldn't be surprised if they mixed some of it in." He smiled at the wretching sound the human made. "You know, for_ flavor."_

"Oh, you're just a barrel of laughs, you know that, Vakarian?" Massani lit his cigarette, took a deep drag and leaned against the low wall they were both crouched behind. "Think the boss needs a hand?"

Garrus looked over the wall to where Shepard was picking off geth as they came up a ramp, "Naw, she's got it."

"So, this Haestrom place is a bastard. That goddamned sun keeps popping my shields, it's getting bloody annoying." Zaeed looked up as Shepard dropped back, taking cover near them. She threw an amused glance their way.

"Little early for a victory smoke, isn't it, Zaeed? A little_ soon_ to have blown your last...heat sink?" She grinned a wicked grin as she popped up and took out a couple more geth.

Zaeed put his hands on the top of his head, interlacing his fingers as he shrugged, "Eh, before, during, after. Bugger it."

"You're such a romantic." Shepard looked up as a shadow fell over them, "And now, if you don't mind, boys, a little assistance. We got dropships inbound."

Garrus shared a sigh with Massani as they brought their weapons to bear on the new arrivals. One thing about geth is how eerily coordinated they are, they move as one, seem to think as one. Though from what Tali told him on the first Normandy, that was close to the truth. Luckily, the machines lacked the sort of irrational bursts of intuition and creativity that Shepard brought to the field. They were incapable of adapting to her strategies because her plans followed no set formulae.

But somewhere in these ruins was a good friend, trapped by these same geth and so they relentlessly pushed forward, dropping machine after machine, staying out of the dying sun's deadly rays.

* * *

Kal'reegar was an interesting fellow. As Shepard talked to him where he sat propped against a wall with his rocket launcher, it struck Garrus that Shepard must have come across Tali once already. Strange that she didn't mention it, maybe it had something to do with why Tali hadn't joined her crew then. Garrus exchanged a look with Massani and the two men looked out over the ruins at the colossus planted at the door to the structure Tali was holed up in. Damned thing had almost blown them to hell once already. Garrus turned to start paying attention to Kal'reegar as he reported the situation.

"-damn thing's got a repair protocol. Huddles up and fixes itself." The quarian shook his head angrily, "I can't get a clear shot while it's down like that. Tried to move in closer, but one of the bastards punched a shot clean through my suit."

"How bad is your suit damaged?" Shepard's eyes roamed over the man's suit, looking for holes.

"Combat seals have it isolated, and I'm swimming in antibiotics. The geth might get me, but I'm not gonna die of an infection in the middle of a battle. That's just insulting."

Garrus smiled wryly, admiring the man's pluck. "We need to get to Tali. Got any ideas?"

The quarian turned his mask to the turian, "Just one. I'm not moving so well, but I can still pull a trigger, and I've got a rocket launcher that the sun hasn't fried yet. Get your team get in close. I'll keep the colossus busy. Maybe even take down it's shields. With luck you'll be able to finish it off."

"You've done enough, Reegar. You don't need to throw your life away." She frowned, fingers tapping her lip as she assessed the battlefield.

"Wasn't asking your permission. My job is to keep Tali safe." Was Garrus imagining a note of panic in the man's voice? Might be more than a simple escort mission for Kal'reegar. Garrus understood that...need implicitly. Reegar shook his head, "This is our best shot."

When the quarian stood to take aim at the colossus, Shepard firmly pushed him back into cover, her hand on his shoulder. She leaned in close and said, in a low and dangerous voice, "We don't have enough people on our side for you to take one for the team. Stand. Down."

Kal'reegar slumped down the wall, clutching his side, "I can't just stand here while you run into enemy fire. They killed my whole squad!"

Shepard drew her air of command about her, staring the man down, "If you want to honor your squad, then watch our backs. We need you here in case they bring reinforcements."

"Alright, Shepard. We'll do it your way. Hit the bastards for me. Keelah se'lai!"

Shepard turned to her team. Garrus waited for orders and was stunned when her hand gripped his shoulder. She smiled and said, "It's your show, Vakarian. What's the plan?"

His jaw dropped, then he said almost angrily, "Tali's life is at stake. You really want to jeopardize her by switching it up like that? Not a good time for field testing."

Zaeed looked like he agreed with him, jaw clenched. It was proof to Garrus anyway that no one could have confidence in his leadership, especially given his history. But, Shepard, that obstinate woman, poked him in his chest guard. And said, her mouth in a grim line, "Time's a-wasting. Orders?"

This was going nowhere fast. He decided to play along, but later they were going to have _words. _Garrus surveyed the area quickly, pointing at the right most route, "I'm going to higher ground, you and Massani take the middle. I'll pick the geth on the left off before they can flank you."

He didn't have to tell them to stay out of the colossus' line of sight or out of the sun's radiating light. Massani looked unsure, and Shepard kept her implacable expressionless mask on. Garrus hoped to hell she knew what she was doing. Taking point, he led the group to the right, gesturing for them to break off as he stormed the ramp, his assault rifle blazing away, taking out four geth who stood in his way. He rolled into cover behind a small crate and unslung his sniper rifle, bringing it up quickly to headshot the wave of geth that were running up the left side of this arena. He flicked open his comm channel, "Massani, drop an inferno grenade, at your 10 o'clock, six meters out."

The resulting explosion took out one of the flamethrowing geth, and he watched Zaeed drop back into cover as the colossus opened up on their location. They were pinned for the moment until Garrus could move up to cover them. Garrus threw an overload and a concussive shot at the colossus, drawing its fire so they could make headway. A rocket from Kal'Reegar took the pressure off him and he sent a thanks to the quarian over his commlink. Assault rifle out, he advanced. There were a few geth up here with him and he took them out quickly before finding the perfect place to set up his sniper rifle. Garrus' gaze swept over the battlefield, tracking all the enemy numbers in his mind's eye as he cleaned house. It was a heady feeling, leading his team against such great numbers. It was actually kind of exhilarating.

Shepard and Massani had the whole center clear so he sent them around the left to get ready for the final assault on the colossus. Meanwhile, he scoped and dropped all the remaining mobile geth on the right. The ladder led him down to the back wall where the colossus waited. It was huddled for the moment, rebuilding itself. But its head popped up and turned in his direction as soon as he came around the corner. In desperation, he leapt for cover just as it opened fire. The ordinance pounded on the steel crate he was hiding behind. Smaller gunfire reports behind the monstrosity told him that Shepard and Massani were in position and unloading on its rear.

Slowly, it turned to bring its arsenal to bear on this new threat. That's when he let loose on its back. The giant geth seemed undecided where it wanted to point its guns and sensing an opportunity, Garrus whispered to Massani over the comm, "Can you put a delay on those grenades of yours?"

"Up to twenty seconds, boss." came the reply. Garrus smiled savagely.

"Can you roll one _gently_ under the thing? I would be ever so grateful." A laugh came over the comm, making his grin even wider.

"On it." Garrus brought everything to bear on the colossus, knowing that soon, soon it would drop down and try to repair itself. Just as the legs started to fold under it, he saw a small object with a blinking red light fly perfectly into the space between them. And then the whole machine plummeted to the ground, hiding that deceptively small device under it.

"3...2...1-" With a soft 'whoomph', the whole thing lifted off the ground about a meter, it didn't seem like much, but the damage was done. The bomb had torn it up on the inside, far beyond the ability of its backup systems to repair. He watched the light of its one eye blink out, plates over it fluttering in a way that to him seemed almost perplexed. With a loud whoop, Zaeed ran up and booted it in the side, making it fall away from him slowly, creaking and groaning.

Garrus stood fluidly, pleasure at a job well done flowing through his body. He took that roll up Massani had handed him some time ago and stuck one end in his mouth. He sauntered up to where the other two were waiting and snarked, "Anyone got a light?"

Zaeed handed him a lighter wordlessly, only wordless because he was laughing so hard. Shepard clapped him on the shoulder, her face blazing with approval. Garrus tipped his imaginary cap to her, then lit the smoke, coughing a bit on the first few inhales. This was a little more difficult to do without proper lips, hard to get enough suction, but with the help of his mouthplates, he could just about manage. Eventually, he left off trying to smoke it and just left it hanging out of his mouth at a jaunty angle.

"The galaxy's first smoking turian. " Laughed Massani as they all turned to the door. It slid open to reveal a room full of dead geth. Tali stood with her back to them at the far end, her hands still flying over the keyboard under a monitor. Massani nudged him in the ribs, whispering conspiritorially, "Cor, she's got one hell of an ass."

Garrus looked down at the man, saying in mock anger, "That was crude. You are a crude little man."

"You speak the truth, turian. Anyway, that was fun back there. Wasn't too sure at the beginning, but hell you pulled it off. Almost as good as her." Massani jabbed a thumb in Shepard's direction. Garrus shook his head in denial. No one was as good as Shepard, war was her bailiwick. All he'd done was a classic pincer attack, with a dash of ordinance.

"Remind me to tell you about the apples, Zaeed. No one'll ever be as good as Shepard." Now he moved closer to where Shepard and Tali were talking, tossing back a last rejoinder, "Now I have to go greet my friend and tell her you like her ass."

Muttered words followed him as he reached out to embrace Tali, lifting her off her feet and swinging her round, much to her consternation.


	17. Chapter 17

Garrus chatted away amiably with Zaeed in the back of the shuttle as Shepard caught Tali up on recent events. The turian kept catching little glances from Shepard, wondered briefly if he'd done something wrong down there. His strategy was effective, he knew, after all they were all alive and flying home minus any injuries. He had Zaeed almost rolling in the aisles telling him about the thing with the apples when they landed in the Normandy's cargo bay, the man stood trying to control his laughing only to start up again when he walked past Shepard, who'd shot him a questioning look, brow quirked. Shepard was telling Tali about the new Normandy and its engineering specs as Garrus started gathering his things.

She'd just waved the quarian on when her other hand on his chestguard stopped Garrus from passing her. Quizzically, He looked down at her profile, she had her blank mask in place and he thought_, uh oh, here it comes. _

A firm push had him sprawled back in a seat. In a flash, Shepard was straddling him, her face inches from his. He swallowed as his heart thumped painfully in his chest. The naked desire in her eyes was doing funny things to his innards. Felt his lower plates loosen almost instantaneously as she ground their armor together. Shepard leaned even closer, filling his vision with those burning green eyes, she growled, "My...God, you are so fucking sexy."

_"_Uh, I'm pretty sure that's my line." He tried to deflect but his mind quit working when her lips collided with his, her hands massaging under his fringe in that most delicious way. Her scent filled his nostrils, gun oil, ozone and soap. He squirmed a bit, trying to adjust his lower armor to accommodate the emergence of his erection. "So, I did good, huh?"

She hummed an affirmative against his throat, tickling his mandibles with that river of hair. He rolled his hips against her, rumbling in his throat. Her lips kissed his scarred mandible, licking and biting their way to the tip, which she sucked on briefly. Suddenly, his hands were everywhere, trying to get access to any piece of her under her hard suit.

He'd just about popped the first seal when a voice exclaimed from nearby, "KEELAH!"

He had the best view of Shepard's face turning the most interesting shade of crimson as she scrambled off him. He winced as he saw Tali's masked face peeking at them around the door. Garrus lunged to his feet and ducked his head, abashedly, as Shepard ran her hands through her hair, embarrassment in every line of her body. Tali sputtered apologies, which Shepard waved off, her flushed face desperately trying to regain some semblance of composure.

A long awkward silence fell between the three and Garrus shifted uncomfortably. Finally, Tali cocked her hip in a saucy fashion and said laughingly, "Well, it's about time, you two."

And with that unexpected statement, she turned on her heel in their amazed faces and flounced away. Garrus rubbed the back of his neck, trading relieved and embarrassed glances with Shepard. "Guess it's a small ship after all."

Shepard laughed, freely, pulling him down to kiss him one more time, "When the shuttle's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'. Suppose we shouldn't be necking in here like horny teenagers where just anyone can walk in on us."

"I'm gonna add that one to my repertoire of human idioms. Though I think, if Tali had showed up five minutes later, she'd have seen alot more than 'necking'." He laughed at her shocked expression, looming over her, bracing one hand against the bulkhead as he leaned dangerously close to her, "If you'd like to continue this in private, we could head to the battery and you could tell me more about how sexy I am."

She slapped playfully at his armor, "God, Vakarian, keep it in your pants."

"You were the one just trying to get it out of my pants, if I recall correctly." He twirled a lock of that impossibly soft hair around his finger, growling as seductively as he could. He watched her pupils dilate and that pink tongue flick out to wet her lips. It was pleasing to know that he could affect her as much as she affected him.

She slipped out from under his arm and he just kept himself from tackling her for some more 'necking'. She danced out of his reach, saying, "Tonight, big boy. My place. After our little fight club meets."

He'd almost forgotten about that in the wake of the events on Haestrom. Now he rubbed his hands eagerly as he contemplated it. The rota tonight had him fighting Samara, who's style was unfamiliar and therefore extremely intriguing, he was always happy to pick up new hand to hand skills. Less pleasingly, Shepard was fighting Thane. And while, he did want to know if Shepard could take the cunning assassin, he didn't like the idea of Thane's hands being all over her. His doubts and insecurities reared their ugly heads as he contemplated Shepard being attracted to the smaller man. But he trusted her, he told himself sternly. Til death claimed his soul, he trusted her.

* * *

Samara landed a kick to his stomach and he winced in pain. Clearly, she knew how sensitive the midriff area on a turian was. They'd agreed no armor and no biotics very early in the fight. Her Code wouldn't allow her have so severe an advantage against an opponent not similarly armed. Donelly was taking bets off to the side, his raucous calls filtering across the makeshift area they'd constructed.

He tested her by feinting right, then swinging a low kick to her left. She jumped over it easily, coming back with an elbow at his chin level. He swayed back to avoid it, using the momentum to thrust a foot straight out at her. This time she had no time to dodge as his foot collided with her hip. She flew across the ring and landed on her side on the ground. To avoid falling on his back with the force of his follow through, he somersaulted backward neatly, landing on the balls of his feet. This was met with a cheer from around him. However, there was no time for a breath as the asari matriarch rebounded into him, shoulder leading, followed by a flurry of punches. He was forced back and back again, as he fought to block her strikes and control where they were both headed. He didn't want to end up being backed into a wall, that would limit his options. He let her frenzied attacks slow, letting her work herself back into a predictable rhythm.

She was too controlled, too good at stand up fighting to be beaten this way, so he decided to take it to the mat, where his superior size and strength should turn the fight to his favor. Using brute force, a tactic he'd avoided til now and so, one she never saw coming, he tackled her around the middle, using his weight to bring her down under him. He received a ringing blow to the side of his head and his shoulder was almost torn out of its socket as she tried and almost succeeded in breaking free. But finally, he got his arm around her throat from the back and wrapped his legs around her hips, pulling her body straight. She fought for breath and realizing there was no way out of the hold, tapped his arm in submission. He let go immediately, making sure she was okay.

She nodded in gratitude as he helped her to her feet. She looked no less composed as she faced him, a serene smile on her face, "I see that Shepard chooses her people very well, with keen eye to...unpredictability."

Garrus rolled his shoulder with a grimace, "You were going to win if I let you keep punching me. So I had to be...unpredictable."

She laughed lightly, "Well, I'll have to be wary of that move from now on. What is it called?"

"Rear naked choke. Not designed to kill, only for forcing your opponent into submission." _Unless you submit them right into unconsciousness, then you could kill at leisure. _He only thought this, saying it aloud seemed unnecessary.

"Brutal, but effective. Thank you for the lesson, Vakarian." They walked to the sidelines, where the crew congratulated Garrus on his win. He rubbed some medigel on his shoulder, working it into the joint, sighing in relief as the pain abated. Tali sat next to him, a drink in her hand.

"The new Normandy is a wonder. I could spend all day playing with the drive core." Tali turned her masked face to him and he nodded at her in agreement, still catching his breath. "Anyway, where did you learn to fight like that?"

"When I rejoined C-Sec after Saren, I started taking some extra training, you know, so I could be ready when..." Tali nodded in understanding, knowing that he still didn't want to say it out loud. Tali knew as well as he the rift that divided them all after Shepard died. "So, then I was a Spectre candidate-"

"_You _were a Spectre candidate? Wow, Garrus, that's...intense." Tali sipped her drink, the straw unobtrusively dipping into the glass.

"Yeah, anyway, it didn't happen, but they brought all these experts in from anywhere and everywhere to show us different styles and I really enjoyed it, you know, I'd always liked hand to hand." He watched them clear the arena of any debris, sweeping the mat free of any obstruction. Shepard and Thane appeared at opposite corners, she was in close fitting clothes and he'd taken his leather jacket off, much to the enjoyment of the female crewmembers, who catcalled shamelessly. He eyed the drell, trying to find what could be appealing. He was certainly well muscled, but trim. There wasn't an ounce of waste on the man. Even Shepard seemed to find his appearance pleasing. It ruffled his sensibilities a bit that Shepard was ogling, but he put it down to natural possessiveness and tried his best to forget it. Not all species mated for life like turians and their relationship was far from formalized. He made himself relax and enjoy the mechanics of the fight.

"Doesn't it seem a bit odd that you're a sniper and a hand to hand expert? They seem like opposing disciplines." Tali waved her hand vaguely. Garrus was barely listening to her, holding his breath with everyone else as they waited for the fight to begin.

"I'm a big bundle of contradictions." Garrus breathed, not wanting to disrupt the anticipatory atmosphere.

Their stances mirrored each other's, face to face across the mat, both relaxed, expressionless, still and silent as statues. In the blink of an eye, that illusion was shattered as they leapt at each other in a blur. Strikes and counterstrikes came in a flurry, almost too fast for Garrus to follow. They seemed to defy gravity in that small space in the cargo hold. The audience swayed and groaned with every exchange. Thane was deadly fast, moving fluidly through the forms he'd learned as a child, his every action precise. He _flowed _around the room, looking for openings, but finding few, because if he was like water,_ she_ was like air, his attacks were perfect but they always landed where she was not. She clearly didn't have the mastery of her body that he did, but she was outthinking him at every turn. Used every advantage at her disposal, every nuance of her surroundings to vex him, from the angle of the lighting to the slight burr on the mat at one corner.

Garrus knew that Shepard was in trouble, because she wasn't fighting some automaton. She was fighting a very skilled, very intelligent assassin who'd been doing precisely this for a very long time. And he was learning. The gap between their understanding of each other was closing rapidly. Garrus found himself on his feet when Thane finally landing a felling blow. Shepard tumbled to the mat, her harsh breathing echoed across the room. Thane moved in for a 'kill' strike and she held her hand up, "I give, I give."

Garrus sucked in a breath to his oxygen deprived lungs as the crowd surged forward to surround the two fighters. Thane seemed nonplussed at their adulation, ducking his head slightly. Garrus went to Shepard, where she was toweling sweat off her body, resisting the urge to pick her up and run upstairs with her. At his tentative touch on her shoulder, she turned and smiled up at him, "That was probably the most intense workout I've ever done."

He couldn't help himself from leaning in really close and whispering in her ear, his voice a throaty growl, "I think that was the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

"What? Thane? Didn't know you'd joined team Krios." She said, a glint of mischief in her eye. He shook his head, not wanting to ask what exactly that meant.

His heart pounded in his chest as he regarded her, sweat soaked and shaking from effort. He needed her now. "I was talking about you, you infuriating woman. I will meet you upstairs in twenty minutes. You better be ready."

"Oooh. I could get used to you giving me orders." She walked away, his eyes were glued to her swaying hips. Mouth dry, he blinked, trying to dampen his raging arousal. It wouldn't be prudent to unplate right now, he was only wearing loose shorts. Didn't want to shock the humans with the appearance of a certain appendage.

Thane tapped him on his shoulder, and grateful for the interruption of his very improper thoughts regarding their commander, he said, "What's up, Thane?"

"I wonder if you enjoyed the fight. If my style was able to show you something new, since I'm aware of your voracious interest in hand to hand." Genuine interest lit Thane's features. This was far removed from the stoic, almost placid man that had first joined their crew. Shepard had changed them all in fundamental, but good ways.

"I was very impressed, Thane. You're gonna have to show me how you did that flipping heel kick. That was slick as hell."

Thane smiled softly, nodding agreement. His brow furrowed and he looked around to see if any of the remaining crew was close enough to eavesdrop. He gestured for Garrus to follow him to a bench. They sat companionably, Thane turned to him, "So, you and Shepard..."

In discomfort, Garrus coughed and scratched his chin, "Yeah, me and Shepard."

The drell sighed in relief and Garrus shot an amazed look at him, "It was clear to me from the beginning that there was a connection there. But you were so... disconnected..."

Garrus started unwrapping the tape from around his hands and wrists as he waited for the man to continue, not really sure where this was going. Thane rubbed his palms together, "I had no wish to cause friction between you and she, although I have to say it was tempting. She's a desirable woman."

"Uh-huh..." This was starting to sound not so good.

Thane rubbed his neck, "So when she asked me on missions without you, I naturally wanted to balk, but found myself accepting anyway. Then, when she asked me to teach her the sniper rifle, I thought maybe she was...interested."

Garrus held his breath, trying not to picture green and pink limbs entwined in the dark and failing miserably. "Why are you telling me this, Thane?"

"I just wanted you to know that she...turned down my advances. After the apple incident, I pondered it for a long time and I realized that she'd had me teach her the sniper rifle...for you. To surprise you. Try to bring you back to yourself." Garrus let out his breath in a whoosh and Thane touched his arm, the cool skin of his palms squeezing lightly, "Now that I indeed consider you a friend, I am glad you found your match in her. For I am sure she was just as lost without you."

Garrus stayed silent for a long time, thinking about how much he didn't deserve her, but so very grateful that she didn't see it that way. What Thane had said was so achingly true, he'd been lost without her, worse than dead really, because the dead don't feel that kind of loss. He shook the thoughts away and focused on the drell, "...Thank you, Thane. For this and for not letting me-you know, on the Citadel."

"You have yourself to thank for that. It never got to the point where I had to become involved." Thane smiled at him, stating dryly, "Besides, it wouldn't have worked out anyway, she intimidates me."

Garrus laughed until his sides ached, "The most deadly assassin alive intimidated by a tiny human woman. You've already proved you could take her on the mat."

"Ah ha, but there lies the crux. I believe she kept the use of her abilities within the rules, much in the same way Samara didn't use her biotics."

"Shepard doesn't have any biotics-" Thane held up a hand to stall him.

"My work as an assassin has shown me that opportunity can be garnered with the judicious application of forethought. I think if she had allowed herself some, I would not have been the victorious one tonight." Thane shook his head in awe, "It is...frightening how brilliant she is, it's almost unnatural. If I had not already heard stories of her prowess before her miraculous resurrection, I would be tempted to think that she was_ programmed_ to think in this way. Before you take offense, I mean to say I do not think of her as a machine. She is very much alive."

Garrus just closed his eyes and listened to the other man's voice, listened only to what he meant, "She's no AI. I would have known when she found me on Omega. Whatever it is that Cerberus did, they didn't change her."

"I understand. It doesn't change the fact that when we started fighting, she was twenty steps ahead of me. Meaning that she knew me well enough to predict exactly what I would do. Imagine if she'd had time beforehand to really plan it out. What would I have been able to do if she'd been a thousand steps ahead of me? Not much, I think." Thane shrugged, looking around to him. "She can't have seen that many of my moves before tonight. But she adapted perfectly nonetheless. She's like an oracle, sieving possibilities from the river of time."

Garrus wondered at the poetry of that statement, realizing its truth. She didn't see a possible future, she saw_ all_ possible futures, at least the immediate ones. But he also knew that she wasn't infallible, he'd seen her at her lowest, knew there were blind spots in her all-encompassing eye. Like the thing that happened with Ashley on Virmire, or that she'd died unprepared, even the way she couldn't help herself connecting to these people around her despite the face that they were all more than likely going to die on this mission. He looked over at the assassin sadly, "No, she's human. So very human."

Thane understood that Garrus meant _mortal, _species notwithstanding. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, steepling his hands in front of him, "She seems like a Siha to me."

"What does that mean?"

"Ha. She asked the same thing. I refused to tell her." He had a little smile on his face, with a hint of mischief. Garrus smiled widely at the man, surprised at the breadth of emotion that he now exhibited. "One of the warrior-angels of Arashu. A fierce and tenacious protector."

"Wait. You _refused_ to tell her?" Garrus said it like it was the most incredulous thing he'd ever heard. "Seriously, how are you breathing right now?"

Thane laughed, rubbing his chin, "Indeed. Maybe a Siha can be merciful as well."

A ping on his omnitool made him aware that EDI was trying to get his attention. "Yes, EDI."

"Commander Shepard wants to know when exactly you were planning on bringing her that debriefing."

_Oh, crap,_ he thought with chagrin. Thane was watching him, knowingly, saying as Garrus scrambled away, "Let us hope she is merciful."


	18. Chapter 18

He drove slowly, but steadily into her, hands holding her up by her hips. The bedlinens lay in tatters around them, he had hooked his foot talons into them for leverage. Her fists balled in the pillow beneath her face and her back bowed in the most arousing way, she was crying out hoarsely into it. Her naked back before him, the way she kept thrusting back to meet him, it was driving him slowly insane, he was sure. As her inner muscles shuddered around him yet again, he whimpered, feeling like the top of this mountain would never be reached. The fulmination of his passion was just out of reach, it being the successor to the long line of many before it. It eluded him maddeningly, but he persued it relentlessly, his own voice coming to his ears as a whine, "Spirits, so close. I can't-I-"

With a deft twist, she slithered onto her side, leg rising to rest on his shoulder. The change in the pressure of her slick channel finally undid him. With a series of sighing 'ah's, he emptied himself into her, shaking and shuddering. He nearly blacked out, trying to blink the stars out of his vision. She turned completely onto her back to cradle his exhausted body, their sweat mingling into a sticky mess where their bellies touched. It was so hard to catch his breath and she seemed to be having the same difficulty, her chest heaving under his weight. He poured his feelings for her through his gaze, gratified to see more than an echo return.

Unable to hold himself up, he lay on her fully, face dropping into the hollow between her neck and shoulder. She chuckled weakly, her voice a whisper, "Okay, that was the most intense workout I've ever done."

He slid from her, organ finally relaxed enough to retract, lay on his side facing her, tried to keep his eyes from sliding shut, "Well, you know me, always helpful with the old exercise regimen."

She sighed deeply, content. Then groaned as she rolled onto her side and scooted back into him. "Man, I'm going to be stiff tomorrow."

He rumbled happily and pulled her close, hand on her belly, "I won't be."

"Tsk. Who knew you were such a dirty boy, Garrus." Her voice was drifting away, taken by the specter of dreams. He mumbled some nonsensical reply as he sleep claimed him.

* * *

He woke in her bed, wondering for a moment how he'd gotten there. She lay next to him in a tangle of sheets, her bare thigh beckoning the touch of his hand, which he did, sliding it appreciatively over the firm flesh. The room smelled of their mixed essences, not unpleasantly. He was just considering going to the bathroom when Shepard started awake. Her eyes were open anyway, staring wide and terrified. Her body was frozen with fear, abject fear.

"Jane?" Alarmed, he tried to shake her. Panicked when her mouth opened in a grimace, lips peeled back from teeth in a horrifying rictus. The softest choking noise came out of her throat. His voice rose as he almost shouted at her unchanging gaze, "Jane! Snap out of it!"

He looked where she was staring and realized it was the window. The damned window. Stars whizzed by slowly. She'd been spaced. It was the sight of the window making her flashback. He rose til he was above her, blocking her view of the damned stars completely. Finally some awareness came into her eyes as she locked gazes with him, her whole body going limp, tears started rolling out of her eyes as she looked at him with shame on her face.

He embraced her gently, "You're here. You're alive. I've got you."

She wept against his chest and he turned them so she lay on his chest and couldn't see the stars. Great riotous sobs broke from her, with little keening shrieks sometimes in between. Garrus held her through it, wondering how many times this happened. Wondering how she'd handled it alone. Knew she shouldn't have had to. Finally she calmed down enough to look at him, face red, she blotted his chest with a bit of blanket, "Sorry. I got your chest all soggy."

He laughed, pushing her messy tangle of hair out of her face, "What's a little water and mucus between friends?"

She choked out a bitter laugh, "What a mess I am."

"Pfft. Who isn't? Everyone on this boat's a mess. If it's any consolation, you're the best looking mess here, though." He cajoled her, ignoring the disquieting darting of her eyes. Had he been so wrapped up in his own problems that he hadn't seen how much strain she was under? Another failing of his. _Stupid, selfish turian._ Garrus saw her look at the chronometer and frown. A quick glance told him that they'd slept most the morning away. "Would you like to take a shower with me?"

She grinned at him, chasing the last of the old ghosts away, "I thought you weren't going to be...up for anything this morning."

"Hey, whoa, I'm just talking about getting clean. You know, you scrub my back, I scrub yours." His voice dripped a mostly feigned lust and he leered at her lasciviously. She had the grace to blush and he rumbled happily, picking her up bodily with him as he stood. Her eyes were drawn to the window again.

"The Illusive Man's sick idea of a joke." She waved at it. Then she said softly, "I could have it closed, but it helps me remember."

"Why would you want to?" Garrus carried her to the bathroom and set her on the tile, watched her turn the water on, adjusting the knobs for temperature. Soon, a soothingly warm mist spread around them. With a sigh, she eased under the spray of water. He watched the water cascade down her body, fascinated at how it almost adhered to her skin.

"Not being spaced. It helps me remember my failings." She ran a comb through her hair to get the water to saturate it completely. He took the toothy device from her and at her quizzical look, gestured for her to turn around. He ran it through her hair slowly, down to the center of her back, utterly intrigued by the way it parted around the teeth of the comb. She handed him a bottle full of some kind of liquid.

He tried to read the words on it, but there was just a universal phonetic key, "Schamm-pew."

"Shampoo. It's soap, for hair. A good dollop and rub it in, it foams." _Hmmm, _he thought, _A special soap for hair. _He squirted the viscous liquid into his palm, breathing in the floral scent before applying it to her hair. She showed him how to massage her scalp and sighed deeply when he took over, "You have such nice strong hands. That feels...almost sinfully good."

_You ain't kidding. _He concentrated on getting the soap nice and foamy, then stood back to watch her rinse it out, "You know, you can remember your failings without being reminded of them."

She stood, thoughtfully letting the water sluice shampoo down her back, "That's true, I suppose. Doubt it'll stop the dreams though. I understand if that freaked you out. You don't have to sleep up here any more if-"

He stopped her words with a kiss, stepping under the water with her, enjoying the sensation of the water heating up his plates, "I'll be here for however long you want me to be."

She sighed, relieved and grabbed another bottle labeled 'Detangler'. He let her apply it herself this time, watching her run her long fingers through her mass of red curls. She picked up a sponge of some kind and put some soap on it, then walked around behind him and started rubbing it into his skin in little circles. His eyes almost crossed in enjoyment as the rough surface ran over the skin between his plates, scratching places he couldn't reach himself. She started to roam all over his body, soaping and scrubbing. He shivered at the sensation, desire starting to trickle into his belly. His lower plates loosened as she washed them and she looked up at him, crooked smile on her face, "Really, Vakarian? Six hours of mind blowing sex and you still want more?"

With a touch of chagrin, he said, "I know, I'm incorrigible. I don't think he's up for it, really. He just wants you to know he's still interested."

Shepard laughed, pushing him under the full spray of water to rinse him off. He sputtered a bit for dramatic effect, trying to shoot her an indignant glare with water pounding him in the face. He grabbed the scrubber from her, "My turn."

He started with her back, just as she had with him. Then methodically worked his way everywhere, even her heels, which she giggled at. He filed that information away for later. There was redness and chafing at the junction of her thighs, he made a little hiss when he saw it. Shepard felt the area with a hand, "Got to get some cream from Mordin. Luckily, we don't seem that allergic to each other."

When he straightened up, she slid back under the water, soap running down her body in rivulets. She rinsed her hair one more time and shut the water off. As they toweled off, Garrus grabbed her wrist and pulled her close, "I never did thank you for that song you wrote."

"Did you like it?" She smiled into his eyes, still toweling her hair.

"I...gave it to my mother. She loved it. I got a message from Solana, that's my sister, last week that she still listens to it at least once a day." He embraced her tightly, "Thank you, Jane. Any small bit of joy she can have..."

Shepard blinked rapidly, clearing tears from her eyes, "You know I was pretty messed up on the first Normandy, before...you hummed that little ditty in the mako on that backwater planet."

Garrus remembered, nodding.

She continued, "I thought I'd murdered that part of me. The part that loved music. It was dead and I was a sword. The galaxy had no place for music if it didn't have one for my family. So I learned to kill."

He shuddered at the coldness in her voice, but the coldness was just a memory. There was no place for it in her any more. "Anderson told me something about it. At your...grave. On Earth. Said he was damned for shaping you to his design or something like that. I'm probably paraphrasing."

"It's good that he can feel remorse for what he did to me. I was never able to trust him. His motivations were always 'the end justifies the means' variety." She barked a laugh, reaching for fresh clothing. "I learned from you that the means were just as important if not more so than the ends."

Garrus scoffed, "When did I do that? Was I drunk at the time?"

"A while after I talked you into joining my crew. I was, how does Thane put it...disconnected. I didn't care about my people beyond the job. In fact, I had no idea at the beginning what I would even need a sniper for. It seemed inefficient to have to reload or wait for the gun to cool after every single shot."

"Ouch, Jane. Way to deflate my ego." He winced, holding his hands up to forestall any further abuse. Shepard placed her hands in his, spreading her fingers in groups so they could clasp in a way that felt a bit weird but was pleasant.

"Oh, I came around quickly, Garrus. You were inspiring to watch, even then." She laughed as he preened a bit before continuing, "I started to watch the crew. You talked with everyone, like I did. Only you weren't using them like I was, as tools to hunt down Saren. What I didn't expect, and what shocked me the most, was learning about the wealth I'd inadvertently gained in the people I chose.

"All of them shining so brightly, living so brilliantly. I tried so hard not to love them, all of them. Their stories varied, but the desperate hope each and every one of them possessed didn't. It was like being surrounded by bonfires in winter. I learned that this caring without needing to use or take was far from unnecessary, it was very necessary and I learned that from you." She kissed his scarred mandible.

Garrus said, "I don't know how much of that was really me. I think we were all looking for connection-"

"And then you hummed that little song as you cleaned your rifle. There was so much love in it, I couldn't help but hear it. And it went around and around in my head, stirring up the dead. I think I started to reconnect then, but not in any sort of gentle way. It was like a door in my mind kept opening and closing, letting little bright flashes out. It was agonizing. Like a limb you thought was gone was just asleep and now it's tingling like crazy as it wakes up."

"I hadn't realized how much I'd missed the music until I heard it again." Shepard finished putting on her clothes, a black set of underarmor. There must be a mission today, he wondered if he should go suit up. She touched his face gently, "So, you see, you saved me first."

Incredibly moved, he sat dumbfounded for the longest time as she strapped on her armor. Before he could think of anything to say, she spoke again, "About Haestrom. I'm sure you have questions..."

He rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, I just wanted to know why. Why, right then? Were you just seeing if I could do it?"

"I knew you could command, Garrus. You needed to see that you could." She holstered her weapons, checking her heatsinks, she turned to him hesitantly, "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything, you know that." He was nervous. Why would she need a favor from him? And what did it have to do with Haestrom?

"Admiral Hackett wants me to go solo into the Bahak system, to rescue some scientist from her own hubris."

"Solo, Jane? Is that a good idea?" Garrus felt the shiver of premonition run up his spine. He wanted to tell her not to go, to say screw the Alliance. "Who's going to watch your six?"

"Orders are orders. They're making me choose my allegiances. As if I haven't proved myself a thousand times over." She looked at him sadly, "It may take some time. I don't know how long, a day or maybe a few hours, I just don't know. But while I'm out there, I need you to take a team back to Illium and help Liara. We're running out of time, we've got to start dividing our resources if we are to stand any sort of chance."

Her faith in him shined brightly from her eyes and he set his jaw, "When?"

"We're almost at Illium now. I had Joker set the course last night." So soon...and then he wouldn't get to see her for however long. Garrus rubbed his neck, his trepidation over her safety gnawing at him. But he would do whatever she needed so he nodded, pulling on his own clothes. She leaned against a wall, a smirk of appreciation playing about her lips, her eyes roaming over his body.

"Who's my team?" He started to head to the door and she fell into step beside him.

"Your show. I would probably count Liara in, though." They turned toward each other in the elevator, hands reaching out to clasp warmly. Garrus gave a little squeeze, reassuring himself and her.

"Hmm. It'll be nice to have a singularity again." Shepard laughed lightly. He joined her, his voice a bit strained. He pulled her to him, picking her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. It was a little uncomfortable, her armor was jabbing and pinching him, but he didn't care, he buried his face in her slightly damp hair, "You be safe, Jane. I know you're crazy, but don't do anything stupid."

She kissed his mouthplates, then snapped off a salute, "Yes, sir!"

He left her then to get his armor, weapons and his team and go forth in her name.


	19. Chapter 19

Through his contacts, he found out that Illium was far from the ideal metropolis that its outward appearance engendered. Slavery, drug traffic, and a host of other unsavory things were perfectly legal there, depending on who you were paying off. It was run with brutal corporate efficiency by companies who's morals were loose to say the least. Anything goes as long as you know which hoops to jump through.

He climbed the stairs to Liara's office slowly, passing an empty desk on his right. He considered the empty desk for a moment before palming the lock. Her office seemed awfully unsecured to him, her safety, in as dangerous a place as this, in doubt.

"Ah, Garrus, it's good to see you again." She looked up from her monitors at him, impassively. For a moment, he watched her face. Apparently, Liara learned a thing or two about not showing all her cards since he'd seen her last. That was exactly the face that Shepard made so she wouldn't give anything away. Funny how Shepard made such an impact on them all. "What can I do for you?"

She gestured for him to take a seat, which he did, plopping down and crossing his ankle over his knee. He showed her a datapad, "Shepard gave me this to give to you. I know you're after the Shadow Broker. Cerberus had data on where to find him. Interested?"

Finally, a spark of the old endearingly young Liara as she excitedly said, "Absolutely! I had no idea...Let me see what you've got!"

Her fingers flew over the pad, flicking through images, "It looks like a leaked transmission between Shadow Broker operatives. Some hints as to the location, and..."

She froze when the image of a male drell popped up, "It's about Feron. He's still alive."

Hope and amazement colored her tone and Garrus looked at her questioningly. "Who's Feron?"

"He was a...friend. He helped me recover Shepard's body from the Shadow Broker." She turned away from him, deep in thought.

"Why did the Shadow Broker want Jane's corpse?" Liara looked sharply at him at his use of Shepard's first name. He looked away from her, feeling like a fool for giving away such a simple admission.

"He was going to sell her to the Collectors," A wave of nausea hit Garrus low in the gut, he tried to give none of his feelings away, but Liara watched him too closely as she continued, "but Feron and I stopped him. Feron sacrificed himself to save me."

"So you rescued...Shepard. Then how did she end up with Cerberus?" The missing bits of the story were coming together at last, he couldn't help but to pump her for information.

She glanced away, a little shame showing in the tension of her cheek, "Well, they gave me the intel to help recover her. They actually put Feron with me in the first place. After I got out, I gave her to them. They said they could bring her back..."

She fell silent, not looking at him, obviously expecting some kind of reprisal. Garrus came around the desk and embraced her. She tried to pull away in surprise, but soon her stiffness relaxed and she brought her hands up to pat his back, "You kept her out of the Collector's hands. Without you, she would have been gone...forever. Thank you."

His voice almost broke on those last two words. She sighed against him, "I couldn't tell Shepard before, when she came to me a few weeks ago. I didn't know if she'd feel betrayed or..."

Her voiced drifted off and Garrus released her, stepping back, "She'd have understood. She knows us."

Liara smiled in gratitude, her cheeks dimpling prettily. "Cerberus brought her back. And now they're giving me a chance to find Feron."

He watched her run her fingers over the face on the datapad, her voice soft, "After two years, I hadn't even dreamed..."

"Sounds like you two were close." He made his tone just a little suggestive, she quirked an eyebrow at him.

"It's funny. He betrayed me more than once. He was double-dealing for Cerberus, the Shadow Broker...But in the end, he...sacrificed himself for me. I owe him." The defiant tilt to her chin clued him in on just how much Liara had changed. She wasn't the unsure little girl any more, awkward and naive. She'd come into her own, stronger now than she'd been before Shepard died.

He put his hand on her shoulder, "Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. What's the next step?"

She looked down, a frown on her lips, "I-don't know. I need to prepare, to think. I'm going home. Use my terminal if you need any local intel."

She walked past him, not meeting his eyes. Garrus said, his voice a concerned rumble, "Liara, are you okay?"

Liara snorted a bitter laugh, "Huh, I've spent two years plotting revenge. Now, I have the chance to make it a rescue."

She turned at the door when Garrus called to her, "Let me help. I'll come by your apartment?"

Liara smiled at him, he saw the shadow of pain in her gaze, "Okay. Hopefully, I'll have a plan by then. Thank you, Garrus."

* * *

Garrus was pretty sure chasing a rogue Spectre across Illium wasn't the plan. He clutched the steering wheel as he had to cut sharply right to avoid colliding with an airbus. The two women in the car with him squealed in terror, clutching at the restraints. He knew he'd had a bad feeling about Tela Vasir, the asari Spectre who was now leading them on this merry chase through the city. She'd been just a little too helpful when he'd come to Liara's apartment to find it trashed and her blood everywhere. In his worry for Liara's safety though, he'd overlooked his misgivings. And now, a building was destroyed, lots of people dead or injured.

Garrus worried briefly whether he'd botched this job, but knowing every option he realized that Shepard would have done the same.

"Hang a left." Garrus shot a look at Liara, worried at the intensely manic expression on her face. She was almost panting.

"I'm on her." He said briefly. Looking around, he started analyzing all the possible routes she could take, ready to change direction should Tela Vasir shift one way or the other. He could almost see the trails crisscrossing ahead of him and wondered if this was the way Shepard saw things all the time. Garrus shook his head, concentrating on staying on Vasir's tail.

"She's going into that construction site. Left! Left!" Then she screamed a bit when he dodged a vehicle carrying freight, scraping all along the edge of it. "Goddess!"

Jack in the back yelled at him, "Are you taking driving lessons from Shepard, Vakarian?! What the fuck!"

Liara clutched at his arm, "I'm not letting her escape with that data!"

He yanked his arm out of her hand and yelled, "Just let me drive, will you? We got this."

With that he hit the boosters, almost climbing up Vasir's ass. Jack's hand shot past his face to point, "Proximity charges!"

"I noticed!" He roared back at her, moving the aircar around them deftly.

They all ducked reflexively when rockets blew around them, exploding into the face of the building ahead of them, Liara looked back and yelled, "She's got reinforcements!"

"Where are the guns on this thing!?" He pushed random buttons, making the radio come on and off, opening and closing the sunroof.

Liara looked at him incredulously, "It's a taxi! It has a fare meter!"

In the silence that followed that statement, Garrus heard a snort in the back, then a guffaw. Liara was giggling into her hand. Then he was laughing. The whole aircar shook with their riotous laughter.

Liara broke off to yell, "Truck!"

"I know." said Garrus tensely, trying to control the wheezing from the uncontrollable laughter.

"TRUCK!"

"I KNOW!" He slid around the tumbling flaming debris that used to be a truck and laughed again, yelling, "THERE WE GO!"

"You're enjoying this." Liara shot him an accusing glance and he shrugged.

"Maybe." They were heading into oncoming traffic again, with more congestion than before. Tela Vasir was pretty far ahead of him, so he hit the boosters again, ignoring the pained grunts from Jack and Liara. Liara all but whispered, "A head-on collision at this speed..."

"Yeah, I hear those can be bad for you." He dropped them under the skylane, keeping his eyes firmly on the aircar they were chasing.

"Truck!" Liara pointed ahead of them, where another truck was foundering, rocking from being hit with rockets. It spun on its axis slowly towards them.

"What, again?!" Garrus cut the corner, avoiding the truck, knowing from the pattern of Vasir's driving that she would most definitely turn there. He nearly crowed as his intuition proved correct and he easily pulled alongside her, smiling into the Spectre's stunned face. She grimaced and rammed the side of her car into them, almost making them veer into an oncoming vehicle. Garrus returned the favor and she was not lucky enough to dodge as she collided with another aircar. They watched her lose control and slam into a highrise below them.

Garrus lost sight of her briefly while he looked for a place to park. The highrise, he now saw the name 'Azure' had many garden tiers so he landed on one as close to the downed aircar as possible. They piled out and pulled out their weapons, all of them in half crouches, looking for threats.

Liara pointed off to one side, "There's Vasir's car. C'mon, she can't have gotten far."

Jack gestured above them, "Reinforcements!"

"Liara, take cover over there. Jack, cover me." He pulled out his sniper rifle and picked off most of the incoming baddies on the slowly descending platform.

Jack said, "Six o'clock."

"Miss T'soni could you drop one of your famous singularities behind us?" He heard her laugh at his formality, then the 'bwamp' noise of her engaging her biotics as he headshotted the last man in front of him. A descending disc on his right signalled the arrival of more cannon fodder. "Jack, do you think you can shockwave all those guys off their floating disc thingy?"

No sooner said then done, he watched the men fall to their deaths with something close to satisfaction at a job well done. A damn drone floated over his bit of cover taking potshots at his shields and he realized they had a damn engineer with them. A couple shots from Liara's pistol had the drone spinning away and exploding. Spotting the man, he tossed an overload, shorting out his shields. Then watched him fly over the edge of the building with the help of a biotic throw. Garrus grinned at Jack, who shrugged.

With Garrus directing them, they made short work of the waves of shadow broker agents that came at them. He easily predicted where their insertion points were so he moved them around the battlefield accordingly. He was just starting to enjoy himself when he realized all the agents were down. He signalled his team to follow as he said, "Let's move."

Around the edge of the balconies, they tracked her blood trail. She'd been injured pretty badly in the crash, but that didn't stop the detestable woman from shooting all the civilians she came across. Garrus stepped into room after room with bodies on the floor, shaking his head. He found a couple survivors in one of the rooms, reassuring them in few words that he wasn't going to hurt them. He turned to look at a floor to ceiling vid screen with dancing, nearly naked asari on it and his jaw dropped, "Liara, what kind of hotel is this?"

She glanced at the screen nonchalantly, turning to him with a quirked eyebrow, "Azure. It's a luxury resort with an...exotic edge. 'Azure' is slang for a part of the asari body in some parts of Illium."

Embarrassingly, he felt blood rush under his plates as he said, "Where?"

Jack choked out a laugh, but Liara turned a too innocent eye to him, "Mainly the lower reaches, near the bottom."

Garrus coughed and said, "I meant, 'where on the asari body?'"

"So did I." Liara's face broke into a cheeky grin as he stared at her, dumbfounded. Jack guffawed and elbowed him in the ribs. Stunned, he followed her to where she knelt on the balcony, pointing at a bloody pool. "She's got to be close. She's lost a lot of blood."

"She's tough. I'll give her that much."

Almost reprovingly, the asari replied, "She's a Spectre."

Garrus saw Jack flit in and out of rooms and said, "What are you doing, Jack?"

"Looting. And before you give me that glare, it's what Shepard would have done and you know it."

Chagrined, he said, "True...carry on."

The next door opened on a large area filled with people. Garrus grimaced, "Euw. That can't be good."

He saw a figure stumbling through the crowd out there and resigned himself to a messy firefight. Liara moved past him to yell, "Vasir! It's over."

The injured asari paused and turned toward one of the party guests, "Hey, hey you. Come here. What's your name?"

_Crap, now she has a hostage,_ thought Garrus as he scoped in on her. Too much risk of collateral damage for him to take her out now. He was gratified to note that the other partygoers had apparently decided it to be prudent to vacate the premises. One hostage was enough.

The frightened woman in the Spectre's arms said haltingly, "M-Mariana."

Vasir cooed in her ear, "Mariana, you want to live, don't you? Tell those people you want to live."

Garrus bared his teeth in a snarl when he heard the woman reply, "Please..."

Forced himself to say comforting words, "We'll get you out of here safely, Mariana."

Barely heard the Spectre's cruel words as she taunted them, his eyes focused tightly on the gun in that bitch's hand. He brought his crosshairs over the heatsink chamber and_ knew_ deep down in his wishbone that he could do it. He squeezed the trigger so gently and watched his round veer true to the mark, breaking that weapon's ammo chamber open and rendering it inoperable. The women stumbled away from each other in shock, crying out, "Run, Mariana!"

He spun on the asari as the hostage scrambled away, who threw a burning glare his way and teleported, fucking teleported to the edge of the balcony far from them.

Jack grunted, "I think she has a mass effect relay shoved up her ass."

With that, they all broke for cover and Garrus started turning the situation over in his mind. Saw from his visor's readout that she was doubly protected by barriers _and_ armor. _ She's going to be a tough nut to crack and she keeps zipping around like a pyjak on redsand._ As he studied her, taking a few shots as he did, he started to notice a pattern in her teleporting. They seemed to be equidistant jumps, so there must be an outward limit to how far she can go and she never did short jumps either, it was always the same distance. Using the part of his brain that calculated all his firing algorithms, he started charting her progress around the balcony.

It became elementary how easily he could predict her movements and together they picked away at her shields with overloads, warps and AP ammo, he shouted out her next position as she transitioned. The reinforcements went down easily, until all that was left was that blue bitch. All her defenses stripped, Garrus watched her face light up in rage as Liara picked her up in a singularity. Garrus shot her rifle out of her hand as she floated there helpless. The three of them converged on her as she screamed in outrage, "UGH! Dammit! Dammit!"

Liara reached into the blue field and yanked a datapad from the Spectre's belt. She plugged it into her omnitool, scanning the encoded data, "Sekat's personal datapad. This is what we need to find the Shadow Broker."

The singularity disipated, but there was no fight left in the dying woman. She rasped out from where she slumped against a wall, spitting blood, "You're dead. The Shadow Broker has been in power for decades. He's more powerful than anything you've ever faced."

Garrus crouched in front of her, spearing her with an intense glare, "Is that why you sold out the council to work for him?"

Her bloodied lips curled into a sneer, "You think I sold out the council? Like Saren? Go to hell!"

She spat at him and he wiped the bloody mess off his cheek. He growled deep in his chest, hissing, "No. _Saren_ had a higher ideal, he thought in his fucked up way that he was_ saving_ every soul in the whole galaxy. You have no love for anyone but your own petty ends. What's wrong with you people? It's always the end justifies the means with you. What, a little intel, a few favors and a handful saved lives justifies all of _this_?"

He slammed his fist into the wall next to the woman's head, showering her in debris, "So, _Spectre-_" he spat the word, "how many people died today because you're protecting the man who wants to sell us all to the Collectors? People are not means. Those people in that building you blew up were not means. All the people in this damned hotel were not means. And you didn't hesitate, did you? If you'd lived to see tomorrow, those people wouldn't haunt you. They were beneath your notice."

Her mouth opened and closed in shock at his rant, but her mouth hardened in a line, her eyes calling him hypocrite, "It didn't stop _you_ from killing_ me."_

"No, it won't. But I'll remember you." Garrus shook, feeling like he'd touched some fundamental truth, "Just like I'll remember the fifty men you sent against us so you could escape. Because they _matter."_

He stood then, looking down at her. _They all matter. _The thought held the undercurrent of fate and almost blew him over with its magnitude. Garrus shook himself free of it for now, tucking it down in his mental inventory to peruse later. Both Jack and Liara were looking at him, bemusedly. Garrus turned to watch the last ember of life extinguish in those blue eyes,_ Yes, I'll remember you, and your tragic end. I'll remember that you failed because you didn't care enough._


	20. Chapter 20

Liara had a nice ship. Small, little more than a large shuttle, but large enough for the three of them. It was sleek with rounded edges on the wings. Very asari. Garrus nodded with approval. It was good for small jumps, providing you entered systems with fuel depots in them. He was a little worried that he hadn't heard from the Normandy in little over a day. Liara hadn't wanted to wait for Shepard, so here they were. Garrus left a message with Illium's port authority, under Shepard's Spectre sigil. So if they went there, they'd be rerouted to Hagalaz, in the Sowilo system of the Hourglass Nebula.

Jack drummed on the wall with her feet, she was currently sitting upside down in the back of the cockpit, her head tilted back, bobbing a bit with the music she was listening to through her headphones. Garrus could hear the violent rhythms from here, she must have that thing on full blast. He exchanged an amused glance with Liara, _kids these days._

Liara tapped the navmap, bringing their destination up on the display, "Hmmm. It seems there is quite a distance from the fuel depot here to the Sowilo System. It may be a one-way trip."

"Won't be the first." He said flippantly, and laughed at the expression of disdain on her face, "Lighten up, Liara. We'll get _there_ and then worry about getting back. Shadow Broker's bound to have vehicles, maybe even has his own gas station. The odds are good. Agents need to get back and forth, too."

She was mollified by his logic and sat back with a sigh. The ship was on autopilot for now, drifting at speed through the spaces between systems. "My revenge is at hand and all I'm finding I'm worrying about is getting you two back to Shepard."

Garrus grinned, "She's not the jealous type. You can borrow us for missions every once in a while."

"Not the jealous type?" She arched an elegant eyebrow at him and he realized this topic was about to get awkward for him. Her lips quirked up at the corners, "So...why isn't Shepard here? She's usually very hands on."

"Well, if I'm not good enough for you, I'll just take my guns and go home." He joked, gesturing out to the great expanse of nothing they were currently flying through. "You can keep Jack, though."

"Fuck you, Vakarian." Jack opened one eye at him, her lips curled in a sneer.

"Damn, and I thought my hearing was good." He laughed at her. She flexed one of her fingers at him, he said drolly, "Is that supposed to be offensive? Might help if I knew what that meant."

"Liara, does this thing have an airlock? I'd like to take out the trash." She leveled a glare at him, crossing her arms. The deadly seriousness in her face was undermined by her ridiculous position.

"Shh, honey. The adults are talking." That earned the asari a scathing stare, if looks could kill indeed. Liara turned to Garrus, her face stern, "You're deflecting, Garrus. Why isn't Shepard here with you?"

Her eyes held a warning that the next thing out of his mouth better not be a comedic retort. He cleared his throat, nervously, "She had a mission, a solo mission and she needed me to do this, so she'd have time for that. We're all running out of time, Liara."

"I thought the Collectors were only hitting human colonies."

"They're not going to stop there. Once they take out the humans, they'll move on the rest of us. And when the Reapers come that'll be even fewer of us left to defend against them." Garrus propped his feet up on the dash, leaning back with his hands under his fringe. "So she thought she'd send some of us out, try to get as much done as possible before we go through the Omega-4 relay, try to prepare the galaxy."

"Uh-huh, and then she went on a solo mission..." She couldn't have made that sound more ominous if she tried and Garrus fought to suppress a shiver down his spine. Damn he wish he had news from the Normandy, and now he was out of communications range, so there was nothing for it until they were done dealing with the Shadow Broker. He felt Liara's hand drop on his knee and he looked into her concerned face, but turned the topic to the past, "So, how is Jane?"

She stressed the short syllable slightly, and he knew the game was up. He shrugged, "Other than not knowing if she's okay or not out there, she's good. Better than ever, really."

"So Cerberus brought her back...completely. I'd hoped-" She sighed in relief, "Thank the Goddess, if I'd done the things I did and it counted for nothing, I think the Illusive Man would have been next on the list."

He barked a laugh, imagining this soft, sensitive woman taking down the terrorist organization. On the other hand, this older Liara had steel in her spine, it might not be a good idea to underestimate her. "And I'd have held the damn door for you."

"I'd heard something of what happened on Omega. I'm glad you got out okay." She looked askance at him, out of the corner of her eye.

"Okay was not the word I'd have picked. I was pretty messed up." He closed his eyes on those memories, they seemed so long ago now. Hard to believe it'd only been a few months. Felt like another lifetime, almost. "I was alive, that's about it. Even then, I had my doubts."

"I'd have tried to contact you if I had been certain it was you. It was wrong that none of us kept in touch." Liara avoided his gaze now, her face flushing.

"The whole thing had gone wrong. Sour." He scratched his fringe, watching old ghosts march behind his eyelids, "It's done, Liara. Time to let it go."

Jack spoke up from the back, mockingly, "Yeah, 'cuz Shepard's back. And Spiky's giving it to her nightly. God, you two are depressing."

There was painfully awkward silence as Garrus tried to get his embarrassment under control, he coughed, "Yeah, well...uh, um, hmm...yeah, it-"

Liara giggled, eyebrows wiggling suggestively, "Nightly?"

"Look, could we...avoid talking about that in front of the kid. I haven't had the 'talk' with her yet." He heard a growl from the back and ducked as a boot came flying at the back of his head. He turned his head to look at her, said mockingly in a stern voice, "Don't make me turn this ship around."

"I am happy for you, Garrus. For both of you." She said it sadly, and he was reminded that he wasn't the only one who'd loved Shepard on the Normandy. Seems everyone was drawn to her one way or the other. "It is good to see something went right after all."

"Yeah, I still think she's crazy, but who am I, anyway? She must know something I don't."

Liara laughed, "When doesn't she? And as far as I can see, you're the one she picked to lead a squad far far from the Normandy."

The wistful way she said Normandy made it sound like 'home', Garrus shot her a knowing look, "You know, when this is done, I'm sure I can smuggle you aboard. I'm sure it won't make waves. Not many anyway. You can bunk in the Hammerhead."

Liara smiled, indulging in the fantasy, "Perhaps. Is the Hammerhead anything like the mako?"

"Dunno, I refuse to ride in it. I can refer you to people who have though." He noted that they were pulling close to their target planet and cracked his knuckles, "Let's go get Feron."

* * *

_Spirits, yahg are ugly._ Maybe he was being specist, he'd always tried to find something good in every race, but he was at a loss here. Maybe the fat, toothy, unpleasant alien was not the best representative of his species. Garrus hoped not anyway.

Even at gunpoint, the beastly man was composed. Garrus guessed that being the Shadow Broker had made him a bit arrogant, thinking he was untouchable here on this storm blasted planet. He raised a browridge when the yahg had expounded on the virtues of his and Jack's bounties, exchanging a fist bump with her. It felt a little nice to know his 'good' work on Omega was still vexing all the right people. That is, all the bad people.

Liara was picking apart the Shadow Broker's past, clearly unsettling him. It was almost sexy when she finished with, in a sultry purr, "...or a pet. How am I doing?"

Garrus almost crowed at her nerve. Plucky little Liara, all grown up. The turian brought his gun up to focus on the rising yahg. The Shadow Broker towered over them all, looming menacingly. _Any minute now, _was all he had time to think before the giant burst into motion. His enormous fists crashed down on his desk, breaking it in two. Garrus saw what he was about to do and flung himself sideways into Liara, knocking her prone so she wouldn't be hit by flying desk. He couldn't get to Jack however and Garrus looked back to see the biotic laying face down, groaning. She was breathing, that was a good sign anyway.

The fight was intense, Garrus had his assault rifle out the entire time, more's the pity. There was barely any room to maneuver and with Jack out of commission, he didn't have her shockwave to help break the yahg's defenses down. It became a war of attrition, with times where he was running into melee with stinging kicks and punches, and times where he was picking away at the shield the Shadow Broker kept rebuilding around him from far away. It was harrowing, Garrus looked down to check his sinks and growled in frustration when he counted only two. Garrus saw the Shadow Broker hunker down to charge, shield leading. He tried to roll out of the way, not wishing to catch that shield on the chin like he had once already, but the very edge caught him and threw him into Liara.

They both went tumbling and Liara looked up, past him. He furrowed his brow at her, she waved at the glowing circle on the ceiling, "If you can get him to bring up that shield again, I have an idea."

Any idea was a good idea at that point, he looked at his last two heatsinks forlornly and popped one into his sniper rifle, bringing it to bear on the advancing yahg. There wasn't even time to scope it, so he just pointed it and let fly. Boom, it hit the bastard's shoulder, knocking him back, that shield dropping to the side for a second. Long enough for Garrus to reload. Time slowed to a crawl as he set his eye into the scope, the giant filling his vision. He prayed as he pulled the trigger, watched the yahg's head pitch sideways from the force of the impact. A telltale blue glow surrounded the Shadow Broker and Garrus pumped his fist briefly in triumph. And as luck would have it, the beast was already in position.

Liara grunted as she brought all her biotic strength to bear on the ceiling. Cracks opened up and a glowing liquid, _eezo, who the hell puts a vat of eezo in their office?, _sheeted down and flowed over the yahg, who glowed white hot and exploded, sending them flying.

Dazed, he accepted Liara's hand to help him rise. She was breathing heavily, he patted her on the shoulder. Garrus walked over and picked Jack up bodily, "Time to wake up, Jack."

He set her on her feet when she came to, but let her lean on him for support. There was a bit of blood on her cheek, he wiped it away with his knuckle. She smiled at him and he caught a glimpse of the person she would have been without the hardships thrust upon her by life. She said, sardonically, "Thanks, dad."

"No problem, Jack." He was tempted to lampoon her for getting knocked out during the fight, but resisted. He didn't want the bitter, hard person she had become to re-emerge any time soon. He turned to Liara, who was now at the monitors, voices were chattering away on almost every screen, demanding updates and information. He felt a ghost of providence trickle up his spine as her back slumped then straightened.

Her voice rang out with soft authority as she opened the commlinks to every agent in the Shadow Broker's empire, "This is the Shadow Broker. The situation is under control. We experienced a power fluctuation while upgrading hardware. It disrupted communication momentarily-"

Pounding footsteps made Garrus turn, rifle up and ready. It was Feron, pistol leading. Garrus watched the man's jaw drop as he took in the scene. Belatedly, Garrus remembered that he had no rounds in any of his weapons. He laughed, but stopped at a harsh glance from Liara, who continued, "-however, we are now back online. Resume standard procedures. I want a status report on all operations in the next solar day. Shadow Broker, out."

There was a long pause as everyone else slowly realized what exactly happened. Feron limped over to Liara, "Goddess of oceans, it's you...you-how-"

Liara turned slowly, her eyes too bright, "Well, anyone who's ever seen him is dead."

Feron sputtered, "You're the...new Shadow Broker."

Garrus snorted quietly, saying softly in words only Jack could hear, "Obviously."

The turian strode over to Liara, searching her face, "Are you sure you want this?"

She nodded, "Imagine how much I can help fight the Collectors, the Reapers with all of this. His resources, his connections, it will be invaluable. I-I can give you-"

Feron interrupted, "I'll, uh, check the power systems."

He limped away and Liara's eyes followed him sadly.

"I'll go with you," said Jack, flashing her insolent gaze at the two old friends, "before they get all serious again."

Garrus turned back to Liara, whose shoulders were shaking with silent sobs, he enfolded her in an embrace, she whispered, "It's over. It's finally over. Two years..."

He rested his chin on top of her head, knowing how she felt, "It's alright."

After a while, she pulled away, turning back to the terminals, "Let's see what we've got."

His omnitool pinged and he opened the comm, "Normandy?"

Joker's voice echoed around the room, "Normandy to Garrus, I'm here to pick you up."

"Bring her alongside. I'll be at the airlock in a few. Ping Jack, too." Was it him or did Joker seem unusually subdued? His gut said something was wrong. Very wrong. He rubbed the back of his neck and said to Liara, "Uh, listen, you sure you don't want to come with us? Shepard could really use you."

Her eyes flashed irritation then guilt at him, "We can't pass up this chance, Garrus. You know that."

The words were dragged from him in his urgency, "I know..."

"Tell her where I am and to come see me."

"I will." He very nearly ran to the airlock, meeting Jack halfway. She knew something was up, too. He could see it in the tense line of her shoulders. He prayed that it wasn't Shepard. Couldn't be Shepard.


	21. Chapter 21

"What do you mean she's missing?" Garrus shouted the words at Miranda, who had the grace to almost look ashamed. "I'm gone for a day and a half and you lost her?"

"Look, I wasn't briefed on the particulars of her mission. It's not my fault." Miranda shot back at him, hands on her hips.

"Get us back to the Bahak system, now!" He roared it at her, hands clenched. His blood was on fire, his head pounded. He couldn't tell if this was rage or fear. It didn't matter, all that mattered was getting to where she was.

Jacob put a hand on his arm, his face sympathetic, "We're already en route, Garrus. We'll get there as soon as we can."

Garrus pulled his arm away from the human, his eyes tiny slits, accusing, "You should have stayed there. We could have waited at Hagalaz."

Joker cleared his throat and Garrus swung his gaze over the small man, who cowered in his seat in the cockpit, "Orders, Vakarian. She told us to go get you."

_That damned woman and her orders. _He took a steadying breath, willing himself not to space the pilot, they'd never get there if he did. When he reached some semblance of calm, he opened his eyes, "What's our ETA?"

The three humans relaxed, trading glances. EDI popped up beside Joker, "6 hours, Executive Officer Vakarian."

Garrus gaped at her, "What the fuck did she just call me?"

Miranda cleared her throat, drawing his attention, "Uh, before she left, she made you her XO."

His jaw snapped shut and he stood up in shock, banging his head on the too low ceiling in here. He rubbed his bruised fringe and shot an angry glare at all of them, "Well ain't that about a bitch."

He turned on his heel and stalked into CIC, glaring at anyone who dared to salute him. This just wasn't fair, he punched the buttons on the elevator savagely. How dare she, was this how she wanted to try to prepare him this time for her death? If she were here, he'd throw the title back in her face. He headed down into the cargo bay, in need of something to punch. He didn't even bother to get out of his armor before laying into the punching bag, kicking and clawing. When the chain holding it up broke, he just went after it on the ground, using all of his strength in each kick and swipe of his talons. The bag opened up like a split carcass, its stuffing pouring out like intestines. Or maybe that was his overactive imagination.

After what felt like hours, he slumped to the ground, finally exhausted, breath dragging in and out with effort. He felt a tiny little snap inside him and keened wordlessly, rocking back and forth slightly. He covered his face with his hands. A nameless terror welled up, what if she was gone again? He'd fought so hard for her, what would he do? What would he become?

He started as he felt hands on his shoulders. Opened his eyes blearily to see Miranda crouched in front of him. He pulled away from her a little and for some reason felt guilty when he saw the hurt in her eyes. She sat cross legged in front of him in silence, watching him calmly as he pulled himself together. He realized that they'd never spoken, not really. She seemed so distant, cool in her demeanor like she was observing an experiment. Once in a while, he'd catch her interacting with the crew like a person, but for the most part, she kept her distance.

She reached for a case that she'd brought with her, opening it with a flick of her wrist. Her heavy pistol was in there and she pulled it free and started disassembling it, running a rag over it with gun oil. The astringent smell filled his nostrils and he unconsciously relaxed, the scent meant long comfortable hours of solitude, just him and his guns. Garrus watched her for a moment then reached out to take one of the mods into his hands, "M-5 Phalanx. Didn't think they were on the market, yet."

She worked in silence and he watched her hands move over the weapon lovingly, "It was a gift."

Garrus handed her the part wordlessly, watching her pick flecks of dirt out of every crevice with her highly polished nails. She sighed and put aside the parts, "You know, I'm mad at her, too."

Garrus snorted, still feeling a pang in his chest, saying without his usual tact, "Why? Because she gave me your job?"

She snorted, right back at him, "You can have it. You've no idea how much paperwork I have to do because of her."

"Crap, there's paperwork?" He mimicked her sitting posture, saying ruefully, with a bite to his words, "I knew it sounded too good to be true."

"Most things do." She smiled bitterly.

Garrus looked at her frankly, "Okay, I'll play. So why are you mad at her?"

"Because as long as I've been on this crew, I don't feel like a part of it." There was pain crinkling the corners of her eyes, marring that perfectly symmetrical mask. "I bloody well rebuilt her and she treats me like I'm just some Cerberus lackey."

"Hmmm. I'm sure it would surprise her to find out that you feel that way, not that I'm going to tell her, Miranda." He studied her face, saw the red flush his regard brought to it. His brow lowered in puzzlement. "What?"

"You really don't know, do you? I guess no one would have told you. All turians do it." She avoided his gaze and he just grew more confused.

"All turians do what, Miranda?" His voice was weary and exasperated and he closed his eyes, trying not to think of _her._

"You stare."

"Is that a crime on Earth?"

"No...but when a human male stares, you know, intently, like that, at a human female, it sort of signals...interest." She laughed as his eyes shot open in panic.

He held his hands up, looking anywhere but at her, "Crap, I don't-it's not that I don't-I can't-"

She rolled on the floor, clutching her sides, wheezing out, "Relax, Garrus. I know how you feel about the Commander. It's just one of those silly cross species body language things. You know Mordin thought I was flirting with him the other day, said my lower eyelid movement was suggestive."

"Oh, alright then, whew...I mean, not that I wouldn't-with you, I'm just, you know, not into the whole human thing, well other than the one exception-"

"Well, she is exceptional. But I'll have you know, I'm usually considered attractive so let's just change the topic before you actually hurt my feelings." She pouted at him and he relaxed with a laugh. Suddenly, she seemed so normal. He experimented a bit, staring at her and laughing when she blushed. Her face grew serious, "She's gonna be okay, Garrus. You'll see."

"Spirits, I hope so. I'd be lost without her." He rubbed his chin and decided he wanted to clean his rifle, too. Dragged its case to him and sighed when its familiar angles and curves were revealed to him as he opened the top.

"I think we'd all be lost without her." She lapsed into silence as he pulled his sniper rifle apart expertly, watched him blow down the barrel, fingers checking for burrs and damage. Without really thinking about it, he started crooning. Absently, he noted that it was the song Shepard had written for his mother and accepted it as the comfort it was. He added the words softly, under his breath. He looked over to Miranda, who was listening to him intently while putting her pistol back together, so he sang a bit louder so her translator would pick up the lyrics and she smiled when she heard what the song was about.

It was about a warm night, and two soldiers talking about times long past, friends lost, lovers lost, battles lost and how it was all still worth it. He'd been told that a lot of cultures had parallels, how strange it was that species that were so different sang and made stories about the same things. There was an underlying commonality to all life, he realized. It was something he'd known before, but not consciously. It was humbling to say the least.

Miranda was whistling along with him now, following the melody pretty well. They worked like that for a while. He brought the song to its end just as he snapped the locks back on his guncase, standing, "Thanks, Miranda. And for the record, you are part of the crew. If you'd just do more of this-"

He gestured at the air between them, "-I think you'd see that. Shepard sees it already."

"How do you know?" She cocked her head at him, her insecurity flitting across her face.

"Because I do. And because she hasn't airlocked you." He laughed at her incredulous look, "And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to CIC. I'm in charge now, someone gave me the big stick. And that someone is going to hear about it when she gets back."

* * *

Six long hours, he was fretting himself to pieces up here staring at the galaxy map, silently willing the little triangle that was the Normandy to move faster. His gaze focused on that little symbol and the narrowing gap to the Bahak relay. Kelly shifted nervously at his right, everyone was tense. Joker announced that the ship would be there in ten minutes. Garrus announced over the intercom for everyone to be on red alert. He checked the ship's weapon systems one more time just in case they had to come in guns blazing.

Then they were through the relay, staring down a giant chunk of space debris headed right for them. He heard Joker say, "What the hell-!"

Then the comm channels opened and a blessedly familiar voice rolled over them, "Shepard to Normandy, Joker, can you read me?"

A ragged cheer went up and he cut it off with a wave of his hand. Garrus heard Joker reply, "Commander Shepard, Normandy inbound for pickup."

"Roger that." And she cut them off. Garrus held his breath as he waited for her to come around the corner from the airlock. His face split in a wide grin as she did just that. She half-turned to say something to Joker, then marched into CIC.

The smile slid from his face as he realized something was very wrong. She walked along the corridor like she was going to her own execution. He couldn't even see her face, she was still wearing her helmet. It was deathly silent in CIC, the only sounds were her boot steps as she stalked toward the galaxy map. Garrus felt his skin crawl as he took in how stiffly and unnaturally she moved, with none of her usual grace. He wanted to rip that helmet off her head and see if she was actually in there. That it wasn't just an empty suit and she'd died somewhere on that rock they'd just left.

He stepped back from the map just as she swept by him, taking her usual spot with her hands on the rail. Slowly, she reached up and removed her helmet, dropping it to the deck with a clang. Garrus jumped at the sound, as did a few others. He needed to see her face, but he was afraid to see her face as well. A gasp from Kelly dragged his attention to the map. An expanding ring of white enveloped the Bahak system, leaving a horrifying blackness in its wake. Slowly it dawned on him what he was seeing. The Bahak system was gone, utterly destroyed when that asteroid slammed into the relay. All those colonists wiped out in a blink.

He quailed at the horror of it, looking at Shepard's excruciatingly stiff back,_ Spirits, Jane._

Her voice came low and quiet, but filled all of CIC with its flatness, "Get us to the fleet."

"Aye, aye, ma'am."

She turned with jerky little motions and Garrus finally caught glimpse of her face. Its emptiness frightened him, the eyes that been so expressive since her resurrection were dead in her face. It was worse than that mad light from so long ago. So much worse. He felt his knees sag. That dead stare slid past him unseeing and she walked to the elevator. Everyone sagged with relief when she was out of sight.

He reached down to pick up her helmet, turning it over in his hands. Avoiding the looks the crew kept tossing his way, Garrus made his way up to the cockpit. Joker looked at him over his shoulder, a grimace on his face. He said in a spooky sing song voice, "She's ba-ack."

A shudder ran up Garrus' spine, and he choked back bile, "Don't, Joker. Just don't."

Joker thumbed the comm, "We've arrived at the fleet, ma'am."

There was silence from her comm for the longest time before she finally said softly, her voice still flat, "Prepare for the arrival of Admiral Hackett."

Joker mouthed 'what?', and seconds later they received a hail from the fleet stating just that. "Fuck, I hate it when she does that. It's fucking eerie."

Garrus turned and saluted the middle aged human male in Alliance uniform that came around the wall from the airlock. There was a scar that ran from brow across his lips to his chin on that careworn face, deep and twisted, must have been one hell of a wound. Hackett looked him up and down before barking, "Where's the Commander?"

It was the question Garrus had come up here to ask as well and he looked to Joker, who pressed a few buttons on his terminal before saying, "She's in medbay, sir. Down one deck, keep right."

When the admiral was gone, Garrus gripped the back of Joker's chair, hissing, "I need to see what's happening in medbay."

For once without argument, the pilot flipped on the surveillance camera in that part of the ship. The vid was a little grainy, but the sound came through just fine. Garrus watched Chakwas flutter about Shepard, berating her on her carelessness as she administered shots and medigel. Shepard just sat there in her armor like some inanimate doll, staring into space. She didn't even move when Hackett entered, didn't look at him, didn't salute.

"Hm. Looks like you've recovered." Hackett's gravelly voice floated up to him.

Shepard's mouth dropped open slightly and soft words fell out of it, "Admiral Hackett."

Hackett shifted from foot to foot, "Sounds like you went through hell down there. How are you feeling?"

She flicked those dead eyes at him and he coughed nervously, "You went out there as a favor to me. I decided to come debrief you in person."

Then the man clasped his hands behind his back and his face hardened, "That was before the mass relay blew up and destroyed an entire batarian system. What the hell happened out there, Commander?"

Garrus wanted to reach through the screen and choke that insufferable little human, hadn't realized he was growling until Joker shot him a look. He took a deep breath and forced himself to relax, unclenching his hands from where they were leaving indentations on Joker's chair. Shepard's next words chilled him to the bone. "I confirmed Dr. Kenson's proof. The Reapers were coming. Destroying that relay was the only way to stop them."

"Holy shit." said Joker softly. Garrus nodded agreement.

"Kenson sedated me for almost two days. I started the engines with little more than an hour left. I tried to warn the batarian colony...but time ran out." Her face was still so very vacant, Garrus twitched fretfully, knowing he should be there with her.

Hacket looked away from that blankness, actually looking the tiniest bit remorseful for sending her out there, "The batarians report no survivors from Aratoht. At least you tried."

The admiral turned and made to walk away then and paused to turn back and say, "And you believe the Reaper invasion really was a threat?"

"No doubt about it. We literally had minutes to spare."

"I'm sure all the details are in your report. I won't lie to you, Shepard, the batarians will want blood, and there's just enough evidence for a witch hunt. And we don't want war with the batarians. Not with the Reapers at the galaxy's edge."

Those dead eyes followed the man as he paced, "What are you saying?"

Garrus felt his stomach drop at the admirals next words, "Evidence against you is shoddy, at best. But at some point, you're going to have to return to Earth and face the music. I can't stop it...but I can make them work for it."

And the turian gasped when he heard Shepard say, "I'll gladly stand trial once this mission is complete."

Hackett said, his voice muddied with some emotion, "I'm glad to see working with Cerberus hasn't stripped away your sense of honor. Do whatever you have to do out here, but when Earth calls, you be there with your dress blues on, ready to take the hit. In the meantime, you keep this, I don't need to see your report to know you did the right thing."

Garrus nearly took a surprised step back when Shepard seemed to look right at him, that dead face staring through the lens of the camera, "Yes, sir."

"You've done a hell of a thing, Commander." And with that, Hackett left. Shepard, without moving, seemed to dwindle in his absence until she seemed so small and frail. It yanked at Garrus' heart, but his uncertainty kept him from running down there and possible making the whole thing worse.

Garrus ran through plans in his head, trying to find some way to salvage this situation. He rubbed his neck, exchanging a worried glance with Joker as the admiral approached them. The man paused at the airlock, "Vakarian, wasn't it? You served on the first Normandy."

"Yes, sir."

"Hell of a thing. All of this. But it's good to see that Commander Shepard has the loyalty of her crew, no matter what uniforms they might wear." Hackett looked him in the eye, pleading with the turian silently to keep Shepard safe, that this man who didn't know him could make himself vulnerable for her sake moved Garrus, who found himself grudgingly respecting the admiral, despite the hell he just put Shepard through. "We need her, so I won't mince words. Do whatever's necessary to make sure she gets through this alive."

Garrus bridled at his words a little, did this human think that he wasn't already doing his best to do just that? "With respect, admiral. I don't take orders from you. I take orders from Commander Shepard."

Then an actual smile broke out on the admiral's face. "Good."

And he was gone, back to his fleet, to prepare it against the inevitable.


	22. Chapter 22

Garrus found her in the loft, sitting on the edge of her bed, still in full armor. Her face still empty of any vitality, she didn't turn at his approach. He came down and sat beside her, just taking her in. Slowly, he popped the seals on her chest piece, moving carefully like she was some kind of prey animal and she might bolt if spooked. When the last piece of armor came off, she sat there in her underarmor like an invalid. Garrus didn't know what to say to bring her back from whatever hellish place her mind had trapped her so he slid down to sit at her feet, looking up at her, rubbing her legs with shaking hands.

He counted her blinks, then he counted her breaths, just to reassure himself that she was alive, even though her stare was so like the stare of many battlefield corpses he'd seen. He thought about what Hackett had said and knew the man had seen this, too, had been aware of how close to losing Shepard they still were. He wouldn't let that happen, whatever it takes right?

He rested his chin on her knee and said softly, "Jane."

At first there was no movement, no acknowledgement that she'd heard him then that empty face tilted down at him and he saw a...something, some small thing, fleetingly flicker in her eyes. He swallowed, trying to moisten a suddenly dry mouth. He tried to fill his gaze with everything he felt for her and the fear he felt for her, and his uncertainty and doubts about their future, his pride in her, his anger at her for making him worry. Everything he was, he laid at her feet like an offering, like she was the Siha that Thane asserted she was. And he said, in a shaky voice, "They all matter."

Suddenly, his arms were full of her and he was fiercely glad to feel water running into his cowl. She was crying, normally that wasn't good, but right now, right here and now, it was the most welcome sensation he'd ever felt. She didn't sob, just wept silently. Her body trembled with the strain she'd put it under to do the thing she'd had to do, was still expected to do. He gathered her up in his arms and stood, fluidly, moving over the bed. Garrus didn't let go of her when he lay on the bed, just draped her across his chest. Her hands fisted and unfisted where they were tucked into her shoulders. He smelled blood and realized she'd bitten her lip through. He ran his talons through her hair, and she sighed, relaxing ever so slightly. Her voice, not empty and flat like it had been before but filled with awe, "You see."

"I see." It had been so much easier when he hadn't. Now every enemy killed at his hand, every death he was responsible for, he would remember. They couldn't be faceless any more, not for him. He would love them all, do everything in his power to save them and suffer when they perished, the galaxy diminished for their loss but greater for having had them burn with life at its heart at the same time. It hurt to care this much. "Saren saw, didn't he?"

"Yes." She tucked her face into his cowl. "I'm not alone any more."

This gift she'd given him, it burned him and filled him with joy. "You were never alone, Jane. You always had the whole of us in your heart."

Her next words surprised him, "Make love to me, Garrus."

He looked earnestly into her face and saw only certainty and love there. For him. It shook him to his soul. He sat up and pulled her into his lap, peeling his clothes off slowly. Her underarmor joined his at the foot of the bed, discarded. He ran his hands over her shoulders, pulling her bra straps down with his thumbs, delighting in the texture of her butter soft skin. He paused over every scar and licked them from one end to the other as he stripped her. There were quite a few, she'd not had an easy life. She sighed in his arms, nude at last, clinging to him like he was her anchor. Which, he mused, in a way he was. But she was his, too. A foundation he'd needed at times to rebuild his life.

He sighed as his lower plates loosened fully, his member easing out of its protective covering. He pulled his legs in under her so he was sitting cross-legged on the bed with her straddling his lap. He pulled her ankles behind him so her legs were wrapped around his waist. Then he lifted her up and set her slowly, oh, so slowly over his rigidness. She gave little hitching breaths as she slid onto his length, her skin gliding over his plates, making a soft sussurration like the whispers of angels. They both took a deep shuddering breath when she was fully seated on him. He leaned his head forward and gently rested his forehead against hers. He couldn't help but feel a primal connection to her like this, belly to belly, cradling each other while sitting up, like turian bondmates, its significance was probably lost on her. He'd worried for a moment whether or not this thing between them would last, knowing that he could never do or feel anything like this for another.

He closed his eyes and shut it out. This was too beautiful a moment to waste on unfounded fears. Her legs around his waist tightened, making him gasp with desire. He thrust his hips into her, lifting her by her waist. He worked her with a slow rhythm, slow and sweet. He moaned as his first climax rolled through him but didn't stop, couldn't stop, wanted this to last forever. She tightened around him and he gritted his teeth at the pressure. She made pitchy little whines when he sped up the pace, bouncing her, pulling almost his whole length out before slamming it home again. Garrus watched her eyes roll back into her head as she held onto him for dear life and growled as he felt his cock swell again, erupting inside her. He buried his face at her neck, mandibles wide in pure ecstasy, rhythm broken for the moment.

He looked into her face, which she tilted toward him limply, as he rocked with her. Those green eyes were full of him, and only him. He reached up and pulled her head back with his fist in her hair, nuzzling at her exposed throat. She whimpered and he bucked his hips upward again, setting a frenetic pace this time, letting his need drive him to plow into her almost violently. She hissed and he looked into her face alarmed, but saw an approving glitter in her eyes and continued his pace. He pumped into her at a frantically desperate rate. His release was so tantalizingly close, he groaned with frustration and opened his eyes wide with shock as her tiny teeth latched onto his shoulder. Lost control of his bucking as the sensation unhinged something primitive in him. And as he came with blinding fury, he tasted her blood in his mouth.

He pulled back in horror at what he'd done. He'd bitten a female, like some savage. He looked with burdgeoning anguish at the semicircle of puncture wounds that dotted her shoulder, sickened. But he looked into her eyes and saw only approval there, no fear or anger. And there was a tiny smear of blue at the corner of her mouth. He peered at his shoulder and saw a ring of indentations there, breaking the skin between his plates and gaped at her, amazed. She smiled crookedly at him, looking a little ashamed, she whispered, "Um, sorry."

Garrus was speechless, so he did the only thing he could think of. He pulled her against him tightly, in a hard embrace and they sat like that for ages. He'd retracted long before so he just held her, close, wondering at the easy way their different bodies fit together. He leaned back and took her chin in his hand, noting the flush on her cheeks as he peered at her intently. He grinned at her in a disarming way, "Can I...see your teeth?"

She laughed but obediently opened her mouth, giggling as his thumb ran over her teeth. They seemed pretty blunt to him and he nearly started when her teeth closed over his second knuckle. He tugged a bit and found it quite trapped, unless he wanted to risk hurting her by pulling hard. He marvelled at the strength of her jaw muscles and by how warm and moist the cavern of her mouth was. Started to think dirty thoughts when she released him. He cleared his throat, "Well, I, uh, guess humans do have some natural defenses."

She laughed again, "We made a mess of the sheets again."

He looked down between them where their mixed essences stained the bedlinens and shrugged. He should have picked up some turian bedclothes while he was on Illium, they were strong enough to resist tearing and didn't stain as well. That reminded him that he'd not told her how his mission went and he grinned mischievously, "Guess who the Shadow Broker is."

"Tell me while we shower."

He regaled her with the story as they scrubbed each other, drawing groans and laughs from Shepard as she worked the soap into his skin. Helped her shampoo her hair while he recounted the fight with Vasir, she was as outraged as he when he described how the asari had taken a hostage and all the people she'd murdered on the way. Shepard's eyes grew round as he described the yahg who'd taken Liara's friend, Feron and tortured him for two years. Nodded in stunned delight when Garrus told her about how Liara had taken the mantle of the Shadow Broker for herself. "You should have seen her in action, Jane. Not the same little girl we met on Therum, she was fucking _dangerous."_

He said it with a leer and she threw a towel at his head with a chuckle. "Maybe I should have waited to go with you, it sounds a hell of a lot more fun than what I did."

An awkward silence fell between them at her words, she winced as she looked away from him and he pulled her by to him by the towel she had wrapped around her body. Garrus made her look at him, her chin between his forefinger and thumb, "No more solo missions, Jane. Please."

Her eyes said there were no guarantees, but her mouth lied to appease his conscience, "No more solo missions."

Happy for now, he kissed her, pushing his mouthplates flush to her lips. She melted against him, then moved back with a sigh. "Both CO's upstairs, who's watching the crew?"

"They got it. By the way, that was a dirty trick, making me XO. How does Joker put it...Not cool. Very not cool." He chuckled at her frown, "I disemboweled a punching bag when they told me, I was really pissed."

She went to her closet, pulling out an outfit and some underwear, making a little harrumph as she dug through her unmentionables drawer, "Hope Miranda didn't give you any trouble. She was quite livid when I told her."

"Ha. She was happy. Said she didn't want to do the paperwork any more anyway. And just so you know, I don't do dictation. Or collating, definitely not collating." He looked at her sidelong as he pulled on his clothes, shaking out the wrinkles beforehand,

"What do you think about Miranda? As command material." Shepard regarded him frankly, all commander now.

He rubbed his neck, in thoughtful tones he said, "I...think she can. She's no stranger to giving orders. She's got trust issues, though. Mostly I think if she could let herself be human around the crew, then she'd have no problem with gaining loyalty. Her detachment is her greatest encumbrance."

Shepard sighed, "That's what I thought. Too wrapped up believing her genetic enhancements make her an outsider somehow. Hell, I'm a zombie and that hasn't stopped me."

"Zombie-?" He looked at her in puzzlement.

She waved her hand dismissively, "A walking corpse, eats brains, usually travels in hordes."

He grimaced at the imagery his vivid imagination brought to mind, "Morbid. Well, you did try to take a chunk out of me earlier. But I'll have you know, my brains are not in my shoulder. Honestly, your race's xeno-biology education is deplorable."

"Said the turian who didn't know what belly buttons were for until Ashley and Liara told him." She smirked at him. "We're hitting the Reaper IFF tomorrow."

"Oh, need a friendly gun? I happen to know a guy who's a pretty good shot." They walked to the elevator.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight, Garrus Vakarian. Can't trust you around the ladies. First Liara and now a glowing review of Miranda? Tsk tsk." She lifted an eyebrow at him, her voice amused.

"As if you leave me any energy to chase other girls. Woman, you'll be the death of me." He watched her march into CIC, fondly, then hit the button for the crew quarters. He was starving, the last few days were really harrowing, stretching his constitution to extremes. But the highs were worth the lows. Anytime he could make her smile or laugh it buoyed his spirit. Made him feel...worthy.


	23. Chapter 23

"What a mess. Anyone else hungry?" Garrus shot a look of consternation at Grunt, who shrugged, no apologies from that quarter for disturbing the hush around them.

Shepard was listening intently to datalogs left by the Cerberus researchers who'd been investigating this ghost ship. All the surveillance footage so far only added to the ominous atmosphere, made Garrus feel like he was tip toeing around a sleeping giant, instead of a derelict vessel. Was it really dead? He fervently hoped so or their odds of surviving just went pear shaped.

Shepard nodded her head in the direction they needed to go, pulling her shotgun out. The icon on his gun lit up red, ah, incinerator ammo. Shepard was expecting husks. No sooner thought than they appeared, climbing over the walkways like shambling spiders. Garrus pulled out his assault rifle and picked off the furthest of the ghoulish creatures as the krogan and Shepard laid into the close ones.

There was just so damn many of them, it seemed every time they started to advance, a new wave of husks would appear. His radar was flooded with red dots. Thank the spirits that the Cerberus scientists who'd tried to defend this spot before them had dropped so many heatsinks, this one walkway depleted his ammo twice over already. A flash of burning red behind Shepard had him swinging towards her, "Shepard! Look out!"

A husk, burning with energy of some kind, ran in a blur at Shepard's back. She turned to blast it in the face when it exploded, throwing her twenty feet to his left. Garrus felt a wave of panic as husks converged on her fallen body. He charged the multitude, yelling to Grunt, "Shepard's down!"

He was beaten to the punch as a massive body barreled past him with a roar, scattering the hordes. Garrus laid a burst of fire into each fallen husk, making sure they would never rise again. Then he leaned over Shepard, who was grimacing in pain. She accepted his proffered hand and rose smoothly to her feet. "Goddamn medigel dispenser is fried."

He turned her around to assess the damage. Fortunately, the force of the blast had been blunted by her shields which even now were re-establishing themselves. Other than a few scorch marks on her armor and a bit of burnt hair, she was okay. He allowed himself to breath again. The husks had stopped coming for now, but Garrus was certain that they hadn't seen the last of them.

Grunt was getting restless, maybe this place was getting to him too. Shepard patted them both on the shoulder, "Alright. So the red ones go boom. Let's keep moving."

Shepard blazed the trail ahead of them, moving more cautiously now that a new player had been introduced into her battlefield. As the last husk on the platform ran towards them, it caught a bullet in the side of its head. Garrus knew that sound anywhere, "Sniper!"

Trying to track the shot's trajectory, Garrus moved until he could just see down the corridor the sniper had to be in. Zooming in with his visor, he scanned the area. Nothing. Whoever it was was good, they knew how to avoid detection. Grunt cocked his head at the turian, Garrus said, "I couldn't see the shooter. A survivor from the science team?"

Behind him, Shepard was picking through crates, looking for useful items and spare parts and whatnot. Garrus smiled, this was so Shepard. All the noble ideals in the galaxy couldn't keep her from rifling through the pockets of the dead. "If you're done robbing from corpses, can we get a move on?"

She flung a datapad at him, which he barely caught. He looked down at the contents and hummed in approval, it was a sniper rifle damage upgrade the scientist's had been working on. "Don't hear you complaining now. Besides, not like they need it any more."

"C'mon, let's find something big to kill." Grunt pounded his fists together, eager for blood. Or whatever it was these things had instead of it.

"Relax, big fella. Got a big open area up ahead. Sure to be many many more husks." She exchanged a look with Garrus, who took the cue and slipped to the left walkway, she wanted a crossfire. While she headed up the right, he advanced as well. And, as predicted, the decking was soon filled with more husks. Garrus kept an eye out for more of the red ones, popping one's head off before it had even cleared the railing. He looked over just in time to see Shepard punch one through the head, her tiny deadly fist coming out of the back of its dessicated skull. There was the most amusing expression of utter disgust on her face and Garrus couldn't help but laugh.

Shepard shot him an indignant look and tried to wipe her gore covered hand off on one of the walls, leaving a black smear. Grunt called out, "Scion!"

Ugh, Garrus hated scions. Seems every time he'd lined up his shots, he had to move to avoid a damn shockwave. It was annoying. He'd never be able to bring his sniper rifle to bear on the bastard if they couldn't clear away all the damn husks. Shepard saw this as soon as he did and gave the order to fall back into the long corridor they'd come from. Garrus saw the wisdom in this, the husks would be funneled to them in almost a straight line, making it easy to mow them down and it took them out of the scion's range. They scrambled back, the hordes hard on their heels.

He pulled his assault rifle back out and went to work dropping the shambling corpses. When the last one fell, he pulled his Incisor out in one smooth motion, drawing a bead on the advancing scion. He saw Shepard pull out her Viper at the same time. They pounded it with fire until it fell, at last. He cocked his hip at her and snarked, "You know, one of these days, I'm going to have to show you how to handle a gun."

"Oh, maybe I think I can handle a...gun just fine." She flashed him the most wicked grin and he felt a flush under his plates. Oh, the things he was going to do to her when they got back.

"Well, judging from your aim, maybe you're not used to handling such a _big_ gun." Garrus felt a victorious flash of pleasure when a pink blush flooded her face. She moved toward him and he had to swallow, his heart throbbing in his chest.

Her voice dropped an octave in a tantalizing purr, "Are you going to to show me how to handle your_ big_ gun?"

"Ahahhahaha." Oh, she was good. He knew when he'd been outclassed. This was fast heading into territory which it would be unwise to explore in this dead ship. He ripped his gaze away from her triumphant smirk and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Are you guys about to mate? Cuz as fascinating as that might be, I think we have bigger problems." Grunt was standing at the end of the room, looking out over row upon row of bodies impaled on 20 ft spikes.

Garrus came up next to him, "We've seen these before, Shepard. Dragon's teeth, your people call them. The geth used them on Eden Prime, right?"

Shepard looked around, pointing, "See how this room is arranged? They treated this like it was some kind of altar."

_Blood for your gods, yeesh. _Garrus nodded, "It does look like that. But why would they want this to happen?"

"You heard the logs. They were hearing things. Seeing things. They were being indoctrinated." Shepard scrubbed at her face, a frown making her brows crease in the middle, "We can't help these people now. But we won't let the machines use their bodies like this."

She strode back to another exit, blessfully free of husks. Maybe they'd cleared them all out as unlikely as that sounded. The mission briefing had no solid numbers on how many scientists there had been here and there was no telling how many husks were already here before that research team had disturbed the dead Reaper. They moved closer together, weapons drawn when Shepard palmed the lock on a closed door ahead of them.

They were met by nothing, no hordes, no scions, just an empty room as far as they could tell. Shepard gestured them to take positions up ahead when the loud reports of a sniper rifle made Garrus scramble for cover. He looked back just in time to see the husks that had somehow got the drop on them fall to the ground with perfectly centered holes right through their braincases.

Garrus watched Shepard stand out there horribly exposed, trying to will her into cover but she looked past them. Their mystery sniper must have come out of hiding. Rifle trained on the area the bullets had come from and pretty sure an enemy wouldn't be helping them, Garrus moved out of cover to focus his scope over their benefactor.

_It_ stood fluidly from a kneeling position, all metal fibrous muscle and wires, its head a shining light beaming right at them. _A geth, _he thought bemusedly as it let the barrel of its rifle sag towards the ground. Shepard took a step forward, head cocked. And it spoke, its voice multitoned but mechanical, "Shepard-commander."

"What the hell?" Grunt and he said it at almost the same time. Shepard stood and watched the geth turn and walk out of sight, gloved fingers tapping her chin in a staccato, her eyes swimming in deep currents of thought.

Grunt snorted, "Geth talk? Since it knows you, tell it I don't need its help."

There had been no sign of geth the entire way they'd been in here, despite there being a geth ship attached to the hull. No geth corpses, or anything. Garrus turned to Shepard and said, "Since when do geth operate alone? They get smarter the more of them there are."

There was no time to ruminate on the geth's strange behavior further as they heard a telltale moaning noise from up ahead. Garrus loaded up on some nearby heatsinks and prepared for the onslaught. If it was possible there were even more husks here than in the previous areas combined. They bludgeoned their way past the multitudinous repurposed cadavers, stopping for few breathers along the way. At the end of it all, when they'd finally gotten to the door of this ship's drive core, they were bloody and exhausted. Garrus crouched down next to a wall while Shepard pored over the IFF data, trying to catch a second wind.

After a time, she stood and considered the door, "I'm pretty sure we're going to find our friend in there, in less than friendly company, no doubt."

Grunt stood next to her, wiping away some blood from a cut over his eye, "We have the IFF, we could just leave this dead god to rot."

Garrus almost laughed, would have if he'd the energy. Shepard could never resist a puzzle.

"But then we'd never know." Shepard looked at the krogan askance, pursing her lips ever so slightly.

"Is it worth it just to satisfy your curiosity?" Grunt looked down at the diminutive female, sneering just a bit.

Shepard poked him in the chest and to his credit, he didn't fall back a step, but he did look confused. Her voice was terse, "If not for my curiosity, you'd still be in that tank. Would never have joined Urdnot, or killed a thresher maw on foot, or gotten those copious breeding requests."

Now the krogan looked almost ashamed, a feeling Garrus knew well from his own experiences doubting Shepard's judgement. He ducked his head, "Battlemaster, I apologize. I owe you much."

She placed her palm on his head crest maternally and Grunt rumbled at her, fondly. Garrus shook his head, amazed at her ability to cow and cajole the giant krogan. And to teach the young warrior a valuable lesson at the same time. _Not knowing is unacceptable. Willful ignorance is a hazard-filled choice._

Garrus got to his feet, reloading all his weapons as she palmed the green circle on the door. They were greeted by the sight of the geth at the terminal before the drive core, a mob of husks closing on it fast. There was a blast shield keeping them from entering the room. It kept working, even though its position was getting increasingly untenable. It turned to shoot a few that had wandered too close then resumed its mystifying endeavor.

The shield dropped before them and they watched as the geth was slapped down by the hordes, falling into an inoperative heap. They advanced into the room, guns blazing, taking out the ranks of husks that stood on the catwalk. Shepard had them fall into defensive positions as she leveled her rocket launcher at the drive core's exposed heart. More and more of them kept flooding their position and all of them had to switch their weapons more than once. Garrus found himself wishing Liara had rejoined them, yelling, "We could really use a singularity right about now."

Grunt chortled, "What's the matter, Vakarian? Can't keep up?"

"Some of us can't use our mass as a wrecking ball, Grunt. We're used to doing things with more...finesse." They were all getting exhausted fast and Shepard could only get a couple shots off at the core at a time before its shields closed it off from her efforts. Finally, with a yell that was more hope than triumph, she destroyed the massive blue ball of light just as the last husk dropped dead.

They converged on the fallen geth as the ship rumbled and shook around them, writhing in its death throes. Grunt gave it a little prod with his foot, shrugging, "Well, that's the extent of my technical expertise. Want it for target practice?"

Garrus put in his vote of caution, "We should leave it. We have enough trouble."

He elbowed Grunt in the ribs, receiving a baleful glare in return. But he was already reaching for the fallen geth, knowing Shepard's mind when it came to intriguing conundrums. The moaning was starting up around them again, honestly how many researchers had there been?

Shepard spared not a glance for the husks popping up over the rails of the catwalks as she mumbled, "Tali said no one's ever captured a geth intact."

Garrus said "You know the risk. That's all I'm going to say."

"Hmmm. We'll sort it later. Bring it." She got under its other shoulder as Grunt covered their retreat. She opened a commlink to their ship, "Normandy. Come to our position and open the portside airlock."

Joker's voice cut through the air, "Aye, aye."

Garrus and Shepard flung the geth over the expanse of void to the airlock, both turning in tandem to cover Grunt as he followed with a mighty leap. They cleared a small space before jogging forward a bit for a headstart, spinning on their heels and jumping in almost synchronized grace, landing on the Normandy's deck with muffled thud. Shepard thumbed her comm, "We're clear. Go."

The outer door slid shut and they felt the pull of the ship leaving orbit. They grinned at one another like madmen, the battlefield high still singing in their veins. Nothing like narrow escapes to really get the blood pumping. Garrus looked down at their newest problem, "Where do we stow it?"

"Take it to the AI core. The strongest shields are in there. I have to go debrief the suits and hand off this IFF to EDI." Shepard slapped Grunt's chest piece heartily. "Go get some food. We burned a lot of energy today."

When Grunt left with the geth in tow, Shepard turned to Garrus, "You, too. Don't think I haven't noticed how ragged you've worn yourself. Meet me at the AI Core in an hour?"

_I'm worn ragged? You're one to talk. _Garrus laughed, but was secretly grateful. The last few days had taken their toll on him. Maybe they'd be able to take some downtime soon, preferably on a world with a decent bar. Or beach, that would be good, too. He wanted to spend some time with her off ship, doing...normal things, indulging his fantasy of a normal life, even if only for a day. He thought she'd like that, too. He leaned close, grinning into her face, "It's a date."


	24. Chapter 24

He met her at the elevator and they ambled congenially to the medbay. He said to her, "This must be that 'deja vu' you humans are always harping about."

"What do you mean?" She said coyly, as if she didn't already know.

"Again, I find myself questioning whether or not you're crazy to involve yet another unknown on this suicide mission." He grinned at her, taking the sting out of his words. "Logic goes out the window around you."

She chuckled, throatily, "Life is not exactly logical. Explain this."

Shepard motioned at the air between them, eloquently underlining the obvious differences and the undeniable similarities between them at the same time. Garrus said to her without words that he wouldn't have it any other way. He walked her to the door of the AI Core, past a smirking Chakwas and stopped to stand next to the door, "I'll be out here. In case, you know, you need some comic relief."

Garrus watched her enter the core, knowing that more than likely they'd come out of there pounding each other on the back like old comrades. Shepard worked miracles it would take scientists decades to unravel.

Chakwas looked at him, brow quirked, "I'm surprised you let her go in there alone. Geth can be very dangerous."

"She doesn't need my protection from one geth on her own ship. On her own terms. If you haven't noticed, she can be quite dangerous, too. Deadly, even." He snorted at the thought of her in danger from so paltry a thing, half dead as it was. "I'd be more worried about the geth if it tried anything."

"Worried about a geth. Sometimes it's like the galaxy has gone mad." Chakwas sipped a beverage from the glass in her hand. He didn't have to smell it to know it was brandy. It was always brandy. If she were less capable, he would be tempted to call her a drunk. He'd been there, so he knew the signs. "Since you're here, let me change your bandages."

"Can't it wait? I'm kind of in the middle of something." He winced, the woman was trying to torture him, as usual. Over the last few days, his face had become increasingly itchy as the skin finally knitted over the cybernetics. He'd never have full sensitivity on that side again, but the tingling of the reawakening nerves was maddening.

Chakwas stalked toward him and he sighed resignedly, taking a seat so she wouldn't have to stand on tiptoe to treat him. Gently, she peeled back the bandages and made an approving hum in her throat. She handed him a small hand mirror as she moved to other side of the room to gather some more gauze and things.

Tentatively, afraid of what he might see, he looked at the right side of his own face for the first time since he'd been shot by a rocket so very long ago. The whorls and crevices of scar tissue covered a good majority of his neck and cheek, with section that were still healing over, circuitry and wires peeked out at him from the holes. It reminded him disturbingly of Saren and he shivered. Most of the paint on that side had faded off, it was only a semi permanent lacquer over the plates of his cheeks and jaw anyway and he'd been unable to re-apply the areas under the bandage. But now looking at it, he doubted if he'd ever be able to apply it correctly over the scarred skin. He sighed, putting the mirror down.

"It's not as bad as all that, Vakarian. I think the asymmetry is rakishly appealing." He looked at her incredulously. She dabbed at the scars with an astringent fluid and he winced, more at the smell than the sensation. Just the air on it was making it tingle unpleasantly and he sighed in relief as she placed a new bandage over the area, "It's coming along nicely. In a few months, you won't even need to cover it. Shame medigel doesn't make synthskin grow faster. We'll have to make do seeing as the Commander doesn't want to, how did she put it, 'waste resources upgrading the medbay'."

She made a disapproving sound in her throat and Garrus spoke up in his confusion, "Shepard didn't buy an upgrade? That doesn't sound like her."

"Hmph. I told her we could get a skin regenerator to finish healing her scars more quickly, and yours, I suppose, but she wouldn't have it, said her vanity wasn't so great that she'd put the crew at risk because she used credits that could have gone to shield or weapon upgrades making herself pretty again."

Garrus ran this over in his head. His own scars he was getting used to, didn't really want to get rid of anyway, it just wasn't important, but if Shepard was in doubt of her beauty because of hers, he saw no reason she shouldn't be allowed this one indulgence, if it brought her comfort. But then again, she may feel about it the same way he did, it didn't matter. Ultimately, he decided he would only talk to her about it if she brought it up first. He leveled a cocky grin at Chakwas, "Well, I think she's plenty beautiful. I think her scars look like constellations mapping some far off exotic place in the universe."

"You are a hopeless romantic at heart, aren't you, Officer Vakarian." Chakwas chuckled, patting his hand.

He dropped his chin in his palm and gave her his best devilish smirk, "So, speaking of rakish asymmetry, I hear Massani has been spending a lot of time in here. Must get banged up pretty often to be in here so much."

Garrus laughed as she actually got flustered, that calm demeanor cracked as a flush spread over her cheeks. She was saved from further embarrassment when Shepard came striding back in from the AI Core, the geth standing almost awkwardly behind her. Shepard looked from Garrus to Chakwas, a slow grin lighting her features, "Seriously, Garrus? Chakwas, too? If I'd known you were such a player-"

She shook her fist at him in mock anger and he held his hands up defensively, "I can't help that I'm irresistibly charming."

"And a shameless flirt. Kasumi told me stories, some of which involve a certain yeoman..." She laughed at his visible wince. Garrus really didn't want to be reminded. Shepard showed mercy then and turned to her newest crewmember, "This is Legion. He's going to be helping us fight the Collectors. Legion, this is my XO, Garrus Vakarian and Doctor Chakwas."

"I thought the geth worshipped the Reapers. Don't the Collectors work for the Reapers?" Garrus scratched his fringe, doubt coloring his voice.

"Shepard-Commander has been informed that the heretics following the Old Machines are not the geth currently residing beyond the veil. Geth build their own future." It was almost peeking from behind Shepard like a shy child. _Why do I find that endearing? It's a damn geth._

The machine's cryptic statements made Garrus look at Shepard with brow raised. She shrugged, "I'll explain later. For now, Legion, until the crew gets used to you, try to stay in here or the common areas of the ship. If you feel the need to explore, I won't stop you, but no hacking. No fiddling with_ any_ of the tech on my ship, understood?"

"Understood, Shepard-Commander. We shall remain within the parameters you have set." Garrus watched it, no, _him_, might as well start personifying it now, mimic Shepard's posture and hand gestures. That was interesting, almost as interesting as the old piece of N7 armor strapped to Legion's chest and arm. Garrus was dying to ask questions, but didn't want to bombard the geth until he'd settled in. Shepard reached out and squeezed Garrus' hand before sauntering out, leaving the doctor and the turian alone with the geth, who seemed undecided on whether to retreat into the core or not.

With a strangely fluid motion, Garrus watched the machine turn and palm the doorlock. As it slid open, that shiny eye turned to him once more. He could see its lense focus on him and he put the slight rush of adrenaline he felt down to battlefield reflexes, he'd never had to converse with a geth before. It was usually shoot or be shot. "Vakarian-XO, we have reached consensus."

"About what?" It was going to be hard to get used to interacting with this strange crewmate, he saw.

"We find that the scars on Shepard-Commander's face most closely correlates with the constellation of Orion as seen from Shepard-Commander's planet of origin."

Garrus was stunned, his mouth dropped open in shock. Stutteringly, he said, "W-Wait, you heard me in there? Could she hear me in there?"

He was mortified to be caught out, but was relieved to hear Legion say, "We do not believe Shepard-Commander was able to hear your interesting hypothesis. Though if you'd like us to discuss it with-"

"No! No, that's fine. It's, uh, not important." He finished lamely as he waved his hands in what he hoped didn't look like panic. The flaps above Legion's eye flexed in what his brain wanted to interpret as confusion. It reminded him of that geth colossus they'd taken down on Haestrom.

"We will return to the AI Core." Without further ado, he did just that. The door slid closed behind the geth and Garrus exchanged a look with Chakwas.

She shook her head, "Madness."

He nodded agreement, but in the back of his mind he thought that Legion would fit in just fine. Just a different sort of person, or so he hoped anyway. Would be a bad day to have to fight Reapers and the Geth at the same time. This talk of different factions among the machines gave him hope that that wouldn't come to pass.

* * *

Tali was a mess. As Garrus rubbed her shaking shoulders as he hugged her, he wondered briefly how her suit handled tears, or if they just ran all the way down into her boots, to squelch as she walked. He stifled an inappropriate laugh at the image that conjured and consoled his friend. She was in a bad way. Apparently the admiralty board of the quarian flotilla were accusing her of treason, the penalty for which was exile.

He wished he could be there for her trial, to lend support, but he was taking a team to Tarith to disrupt some Blood Pack operations. Miranda was also taking a team to Jaob, where EDI had detected a Prothean signature. It felt like they still had so much to do before the Omega-4 relay mission possibly took the option out of all their hands.

Tali slowly calmed down and Garrus said the only thing he could think to say, "Shepard will sort it out. She always does."

They believed it, they always believed it. And then she did. Garrus wished he could pull off half the miracles she did. Tali sniffed inside her mask, "I wish you were going, Garrus. I could use all the friends I can get and you and Shepard have been there the longest."

"Hey, consider me there in spirit. I'll be thinking about you, Tali and wishing you luck. And if those bastards exile you, despite everything you've done for them, then they can go to hell." He flicked a mandible at her and said dryly, "And I'll be more than happy to send them there with a well placed bullet."

Tali took a deep steadying breath, "Shepard will sort it out. She'll sort it out. Stop worrying, Tali."

"Plus Thane'll be there to watch your back. He's a good guy and a decent shot. So no worries there." Garrus resolved to have a word with the assassin to make sure he knew what treasures he was guarding. Not that Garrus had any doubts, it was just for his own peace of mind.

Leaving Tali feeling better he hoped, he sought out Shepard and found her in the unlikely location of the forward battery. Garrus looked around at the almost unfamiliar room, he spent far less time in here than he used to since...well, since things had progressed between he and Shepard. He still came in here to calibrate the Thanix cannon but he didn't linger anymore. Hell, all his armor and weapons were down in the hold, lovingly stowed with everyone else's gear.

She was sitting on his bunk and he had a flash of memory of the two of them writhing in the dark upon it, passionately and felt an answering flush beneath his plates as he looked at her, sitting there with a long black case across her legs.

His curiosity was piqued by its size and the fact that it had no maker's mark anywhere that he could see. Shepard looked up at him with a crooked smile, "I've been...trying to find a good time to give this to you. I was going to wait til we went through the relay, but then I thought now is as good as ever. It should come in handy."

The way she said it made him think she was worried about his safety, too and he felt a warm flush. He sat next to her, "What is it?"

Wordlessly, she handed it to him and he hefted it, surprised at its weight. It was one of the expensive hermetically sealed cases that can go through hell and back without a scratch and he flicked the latches open with anticipation. He slowly opened the top and took in the sleek deadly thing nestled inside. His mind's eye imagined it coiled like a viper, ready to lash out at any hint of provocation. He was looking at sudden inescapable death. With trembling hands, he caressed its oily finish that gleamed with an almost sinister light, he whispered, awestruck, "The M-98 Widow...Jane..."

Her face lit up with a burning fire and she tackled him, arms around his neck, kissing him furiously. He slid the case to the floor, wincing at the heavy thud it made as it clattered to a stop. His blood was in a furor as her hands massaged all the right spots under his fringe, he groaned into her hair, hands coming up to card it through his talons. Spirits, he loved her hair. He loved _her._ They relived their first night together on that cramped cot, with the same urgency in every caress and thrust.

And when it was over, they held each other in the dark, as close as their skin would allow them to be. He idly fingered the healing ring of bitemarks on her shoulder, not sure if he should be feeling the tiniest bit proud of having left his mark on her, as indelibly as she'd marked him, body and soul. "So..."

A smile in her voice, "So?"

"Just how long have you had that rifle hidden away?"

"Since the Collector ship." He laughed at her chidingly, twirling a strand of her hair idly around his fingers.

"That was before we-" she hummed an affirmative against his throat, it sent a delicious shiver through him. He sighed softly in mock exasperation, "You know if you just wanted to get me into bed, that rifle would have had me at your mercy."

"You're not at my mercy now?" It was a low sensual growl and he felt his heartbeat quicken. _Spirits, this woman is dangerous. _Her eyes glittered in the dark and he imagined a feral light in them. Then her gaze softened and she whispered, "I was waiting for you to come back to me."

His heart ached for her. He'd been so blind then, didn't see her reaching for him in the dark until it was almost too late. He pressed his mouthplates to her temple, breathing her scent, "Well, I'm here. You found me."

Her voice held a note of victory, "Yes, I did indeed. And you don't get to go anywhere now, so be safe."

He chuffed into her hair, saying with a note of reproach, "I would have been safer before now if you'd given me that rifle."

She scoffed, "I think you could have held your own with an old Viper I."

"Be that as it may be. Imagine the _damage _I could have done with that tank-killer." He shook a fist in the air, excitement in his tone. She laughed at his boyish glee. "The old Viper didn't have the stopping power of wet tissue paper."

"So you approve?"

"Oh baby, you buy me the nicest things." He tickled her ribs, drawing a sound of consternation.

"Will you teach me how to shoot?"

"That Widow might rip your arm off..." She was looking at him so soulfully now he laughed, "Of course, we'll just have Mordin stand by for any accidents."

"Whenever this is all over..." She frowned, knowing some promises were best not to speak aloud. Not in the face of the horror that still awaited them.

He broke into the sudden silence, forcing a cheerful note into his voice "When we get back from the relay, we should go somewhere. Somewhere nice. For a while. We'll take the whole crew. Some downtime on some tropical planet. It'll be great."

She relaxed and smiled, indulging this fantasy, "Yeah, cool drinks and warm beaches. Somewhere not too humid so Thane can go, too."

His mandibles fluttered happily at the scene, feeling that it might be in reach, even for people like them. But his heart knew better and a tiny kernel of fear planted itself in his gut. Dreams were enough for now.


	25. Chapter 25

_This fog is abominable,_ Garrus looked up for the beacons and their lights linking them. It was their only lifeline in this miserable place.

Three times now they'd been attacked by klixen, large hostile insects. Garrus was pretty sure they weren't sentient, but the sneaky fucking way the bugs kept getting the drop on them was getting tiresome. The fog limited his range, his scope couldn't pick targets out further than fifty feet, which is just not enough time to draw a bead with his wicked new rifle. He was frustrated that he hadn't even had a chance to fire it yet. Should have taken it to the range first. Now it seemed there were just these damn bugs on this planet, no mercs, no target practice for his snazzy new Widow.

"Seem tense." Mordin plopped down next to him, and they both watched Jacob fiddle with the beacon terminal. "Perhaps instructional vids not...helpful."

"What?" Garrus turned his head to look at the salarian, who smiled garishly in the washed out light of the fog. "What instructional vids?"

"Vids I sent Shepard about inter-species coitus." Mordin frowned, taking in his shocked incredulity, "Did not view them. Deplorable. Could have been most...hazardous. Risk anaphylactic shock, rash, chafing-"

"Okay, you can shut up now." Garrus could see Jacob's shoulders go up and down with suppressed laughter. "Doesn't this fall under your doctor-patient confidentiality thing?"

"Been seeing public displays of affection between you. Haven't exactly been...discreet." _Great, nothing like the mention of chafing to really undermine my authority._ Mordin patted his shoulder, "Am happy for you two. Difficult times, easy to forget the important things."

"Beacon's up. I wonder where these lead." Jacob peered into the distance, where there only seemed to be one or two more towers. "We'll find out soon at any rate."

Garrus stood, pulling out his assault rifle with a sigh. "Let's move. I'm sure there's some more bugs between here and wherever we're going. Damn radio chatter as we dropped from orbit made it seem like there was a host of mercs waiting for us down here."

* * *

_When will I learn to shut my everloving mouth, _thought Garrus as he crouched behind one of the few bits of cover out here. Some Vorcha and a krogan were shooting at them from the top of a hill, in the damn fog. Mordin and Jacob were pinned close by. Jacob shot a look at him from behind his tiny crate, "You got a plan, Vakarian?"

"Gimme a minute, Mr. Taylor." Garrus looked around, speculatively. What would Shepard do? Take away their advantages. Height and visibility. The mercs were standing in a part of the peak where the chlorine fog was thinner, giving them a good view of his team's predicament. _Ah ha, oh but they wouldn't be that stupid, would they?_ He grinned wickedly as he typed the plan to his team on his omnitool and heard two pings as they got the message. The two men nodded in understanding. _Make it look good, gentlemen._

With a loud yell, they popped out of cover, feigning a rush to the top of the mountain. When the expected barrage came at them, they fell back, dodging bullets by rolling into the fog. Garrus yelled in faked pain as he hit the ground and rolled into the thickest part of the fog, making a lot more noise than necessary. He fetched up against a boulder and moaned loudly. Predictably, he heard the mercs pile down the mountain to his position, probably with the intention of killing and/or eating him. He groaned once more for good measure just to make sure they were still coming and got up stealthily, creeping through the mist to flank them when they came bounding down.

With luck, Mordin and Jacob had already taken the mountain's peak, fortifying their position at the most defensible part of this whole area. From the sound, there must be quite a few vorcha and one bellowing krogan stumbling around down here now, so he took a leisurely stroll back along their backtrail, to where the rest of his team waited. Jacob slapped him on the back as he plopped down in cover next to them, "Stupid stupid vorcha."

Mordin snickered, "Effective and humorous. How long do you think?"

"Til they figure it out? Don't know, but I plan on hurrying it up a little. Think they'll come running if I press this big red button?" Garrus pointed to the last beacon, the one that would bypass the comm relay. The whole reason they were there in the first place.

Jacob set his rifle on the top of a crate, aiming down into the fog. He turned to Garrus and smiled, "Do it."

"Let me have the krogan. I haven't had a chance to fire my new baby yet." Garrus slapped the button, it emitted a piercing beep before bypassing the link. Shouts down in the mist told him that the jig was up. He set the Widow on a box gently, lining up his shot with practiced ease and waited for the returning mercs. Soon enough shapes started to coalesce in the blurry mess down there, Garrus waited til he could see the big one before scoping in. He came lumbering out of the fog like a prehistoric beast and paused, tiny red eyes glinting in animal cunning. Too late, though, far too late did he see the small group that had taken the mountain.

Garrus pulled on the trigger with a soft squeeze, the recoil sending his teeth rattling. Pain exploded in his shoulder as it took the brunt of the shock. But the deed was done, true to word the rifle stopped the krogan dead in his tracks, literally, his forehead under his crest a ruin of pulped flesh. Garrus stood, knowing that the other mercs were dead. Massaged his shoulder which stung like a bastard. He wished he dared remove his armor in this poisonous place. Felt like there might be some damage.

Damn but that gun had a kick on it. He worried what it might do if he was forced to use it for a prolonged period of time. He heard Mordin call for pick up and sat to consider the Widow. Jacob looked at it enviously, "Nice rifle. The M-98 Widow, right? Heard it was a geth design."

"Yeah, almost broke my shoulder. She's got some serious recoil." He tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. He'd really wanted to make this his go-to. He knew Shepard would be sad that he couldn't use her gift.

"Can I see it?" Garrus handed the rifle to Jacob, who held it reverently. Garrus knew the human was a gun guy, like himself, hell Jacob spent most of his time in the armory. The human hummed under his breath in approval, "I got some ideas if you'll part with her for a few days. Still got some contacts in the Alliance who might have some top of the line lightweight materials and tech. Trim the fat."

Garrus felt a bit of excitement at the prospect. "Not much fat on that rifle."

Jacob laughed, lifting the rifle to his shoulder to look down the sight, "Might lose a bit of power, but it won't try to cripple you in a firefight."

"Right. I appreciate it, Jacob. Let me know if you need anything calibrated." He grinned at the man, who answered it in kind. Jacob handed the Widow back and Garrus folded it down and holstered it, standing as the shuttle landed, "I'll bring it to the armory later."

Mordin and Jacob piled into the shuttle behind him and he dropped himself into a seat. When the air in the shuttle was safe to breath, he pried his helmet off and set it next to him. Then, dreading the pain a bit, he popped the seals on his chest piece and shoulder and peeled them away, and stripped his underarmor down to his waist. He took a deep breath and felt the ball of his shoulder gingerly before actually looking at it. There was the expected bruising, but the cracked plate, that was new. Mordin was at his side in a flash, examining the damaged area. "Trauma extensive. Stop prodding it. Cracked plate...unusual."

"Funny I don't think I've ever broken a plate before. Not too many things just snap metal. It usually takes ordinance to break turian plates." Garrus hissed as Mordin manipulated the joint, trying to get the edges to sit flush with each other.

"Like a rocket?" Jacob laughed from where he sat. Garrus shared his laugh, hand coming up to touch the bandages on his face, and winced when pain shot up his arm.

"The right side of my body seems to take all the punishment."

"Sit still. Have to apply bonding agent." Mordin squeezed a viscous liquid between the broken edges, holding them together firmly. Garrus complied. After a few minutes, the salarian let go. Garrus flexed his shoulder, the plate was whole again, he couldn't even see the break anymore.

"Thanks, doc."

"Will take a week for plate to heal naturally. Not to fire that weapon until safety measures taken." Mordin packed his things up and returned to his seat. Garrus looked up to find Jacob's eyes riveted to his left shoulder. Embarrassment rushed under his plates as he remembered a certain bite that was surely still visible on his skin. Garrus hastily pulled his underarmor up over his chest, zipping it completely closed. His eyes darted everywhere but at the human, who was watching his face speculatively.

"Hell of a hickie, Vakarian." A slow grin lit the man's dark face. Jacob settled back against the bulkhead, arms crossed. He seemed pleased to have Garrus so flustered.

"Why is everyone so concerned about my love life? And what is a 'hickie'?" Garrus threw his hands up in exasperation, wishing the conversation would take a different, less awkward route.

"Small contusion, usually received by sexual partners, i.e. lovebite." Mordin also seemed to enjoy this ruthless delving into what should be a very private affair. Garrus was starting to feel angry at their intrusion.

Jacob raised his hands, disarmingly, "Relax, Garrus. We're just teasing. Well, I am anyway. I don't think Mordin's capable."

"Am capable. Just won't, when it comes to...medical matters."

"Uh-huh. So that wasn't Shepard leaving your office a week ago like a scalded cat. Did that have to do with your 'instructional vids'?" Jacob framed the air around the words with two curling fingers. Garrus almost laughed, he'd seen Sparatus, the turian councilor, do the exact same thing. How interesting it was that human gestures found their way into other race's body language. He would have to watch to see if it worked the other way around.

"Needed to inform Shepard of risks. Thought it prudent for success of mission to keep her healthy." Mordin almost seemed to be dodging the human's stare now. Garrus was amused to see the doctor being defensive even if the topic was still his personal business.

"Riiight. Then I was just imagining a self satisfied smirk on your face for the rest of that day."

Garrus spoke up, a bit reluctantly, but his innate curiosity couldn't be denied any longer, "So, Jacob...you're human..."

The man fastened one of those brown eyes on him, "Uh-huh..."

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck nervously, but hell he started this, "I...have questions...about human social mores. I was wondering..."

"I don't want to hear about what goes on in your or her bunk after lights out." Jacob had a stern set to his jaw.

Garrus flapped his hands, dismissively, "Ahahaha. No, not about that. Turians don't, uh, talk about that sort of thing normally. Though, I still don't get the hickie thing. I mean, do humans usually bite-?"

Jacob laughed, running his hand over his close cropped hair, "Sometimes it get a little out of hand when things get hot and heavy, yeah."

"Savages." Garrus drawled, smiling to show he was kidding.

"Yeah, what about turians? No scratching, or biting? You have all those sharp, pointy bits." Jacob seemed genuinely interested, so Garrus tried to put aside his culture's taboos to talk about it.

"Humans. You think anatomy determines a species' disposition to violence. But no, we don't, unless they're a deviant. The radiation on Palaven could severely injure or kill a female if her armor and skin were compromised. These teeth...strictly for eating. And the talons, any well-bred turian files them blunt, though I hear some let them grow long. You know, rebellious youths and criminals, that sort. Must make it hard to use tools." He waved his hand as he talked, watching Jacob follow his fingers with his eyes. The talons were cut short, and as promised were blunt. "I'm not saying turian's aren't violent. We're an apex predator, after all. We've just had millenia of civilization to funnel that violence into constructive avenues. One reason why our youths join the military at 15 is that's when they get...physically um, unruly."

"Fascinating, turians not usually open about this topic." Mordin's eyes were round with interest.

Jacob shook his head, "At 15, huh? A whole race of soldiers. I remember old marines telling stories about how disciplined the turian military is."

"Very disciplined. A good turian holds duty above all else, even family." Garrus nodded, glad the part of the conversation about he and Shepard appeared to be over.

"So why did you decide to go all vigilante on Omega?" It didn't sting like Garrus expected it to. That life, on that rock, were so removed from the person he was now that it almost didn't seem real. Only his inner cautionary voice told him to never forget how easy it was to be brought so low.

"I'm...not a very good turian. Heh." He ducked his head abashedly. "But then, I don't think a good turian could have done the things I did to help make the galaxy a better place. Join Shepard on the original Normandy or defy the council. I'm starting to think that the turian doctrine of duty and sacrifice is crippling my people's ability to adapt. The galaxy is getting stranger and stranger and we have to move with the times or get left behind."

Jacob shrugged, "Duty and sacrifice sound good to me."

"They are, but taken to extremes they can blind you, take away rationality. No person is a thing, to be used by governments or leaders. There's a point when it just becomes obstinance, policy and tradition dictating our reactions to new situations, situations beyond the scope of our understanding. And being so, beyond the hope of it being ever understood by stagnant, stodgy, stuck in a rut minds."

"You have an intriguing flair for rhetoric, Vakarian." Mordin smiled, "Perhaps learned by spending time with the Commander."

"She's definitely impressed upon me the value of her philosophy, yes. Duty and sacrifice are a good baseline, but we are so much more. Every conscious soul is so much more." _Can be so much more. _The thought coiled around his mind seductively, enticing him to examine it further but he tucked it away for now. "We can be better."

"I've seen you pop a bullet in the heads of some really unsavory bastards. They definitely deserved it. I'm not sure if the leopard can change his spots." Jacob held doubt in his voice, "I certainly don't lose sleep over killing some of those guys."

How could he explain that he loved his enemy, even as he strove to defeat him? That every time he saw a clever tactic done by that enemy, he felt pride in that soul for striving. Striving to live. It was difficult and would be very difficult to explain to Jacob Taylor, who, as brilliant a soldier that he was, had a firm belief that the line separating him from his enemy was 12 ft across and written in boldest black. He was not ready to accept his enemy as his comrade. Garrus went the gentler route, "Everyone can change, does change from moment to moment. Hell, I saw Massani hug Jack the other day. Didn't try to cop a feel either."

He could see Jacob struggle with this image of the veteran mercenary showing emotions other than bitterness and hate. Garrus hoped that someday understanding would come to the man, even at the expense of his peace of mind. It was too important a realization for Garrus to force it upon him, the man would have to come by it in his own time, at his own pace, if he ever did.

Even as he thought this, he concluded that he had something else to thank Shepard for. She'd given him so much already, he really had no idea where to start thanking her. Maybe this was part of it, passing it on, this beautiful and horrifying understanding. He could do that for her and judging from the contemplative look in Jacob's eye as they unshipped from the shuttle and went their separate ways, he'd done some good there.


	26. Chapter 26

"Vakarian-XO, we would like to ask you something." Legion cocked his head at the turian, who sighed. It wasn't that he didn't like the geth, far from it even. Legion had become easily accepted by the crew of the Normandy, had even taken to spending meal times in the mess. Not that the geth needed to eat, he just seemed to crave the company, was almost never found by himself any more. Maybe that was a kind of prejudice on Garrus' part, to think that, anthropomorphize the geth in that way.

"Just call me Garrus. If I have to hear Vakarian-XO one more time, I'm going to shoot somebody." Ironically, Garrus did just that, popping his head around some cover to scope his sight onto a geth hunter, whose flickering tactical cloak gave away its position. He poured the Incisor's three rounds into that indistinct shape's head and watched with satisfaction as it dropped to the ground, broken like a discarded toy.

No, he did like Legion, he just didn't appreciate the geth's penchant for asking complicated questions during a firefight. Legion's eyebrow flaps fluttered above his eye, and the geth said almost hesitantly, "...Garrus, what is the purpose of organic existence?"

"Can't this wait til we're back on the ship? I mean, I'm hardly the one qualified to discuss existential philosophy with. Maybe Shepard would be a better choice." Garrus rolled into cover just as a geth destroyer exploded, its tank busted by Legion's well placed shot. Garrus switched weapons smoothly and laid into one of the two hubs with his assault rifle. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shepard dispatch the other neatly then linger near it, hip cocked.

"We did ask Shepard-Commander. She made a noise that we interpreted as a 'laugh'. What is the purpose of laughter?" Oh, Legion was on a roll today. The geth was hitting all the tough ones. Garrus walked over to where Shepard was standing, looting of course, the woman never met a piece of tech that she didn't want to bring home, like a stray animal.

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck and shifted from foot to foot, "These are big questions, Legion. Not ones I can even begin to answer in the middle of hostile territory. The short answer is...nobody knows, existence is figuring all of that out for yourself, purpose has to be discovered."

Shepard turned an amused eye on him, the corners of her mouth turned up in a smile. The geth moved to the door, body turned to face Garrus while his hands were occupied with hacking the lock. It was not the first time the turian had seen Legion split his attention in this way, though it highlighted the difference between them in a disturbing way. The geth's voice drifted to him, "Each individual must self-determinate? Alert, this appears to be inefficient for attaining consensus."

"Yeah, that's us organics. Inefficient." It was a non answer and Garrus was relieved when the shooting started again. Reprieve lasted only as long as it took to clear the next room, however.

"Garrus, how do organics accomplish so much with so little consensus?" Garrus almost groaned aloud, but stifled it for Legion's sake.

"Not every individual is involved in the decision making process. That's why we have governments and laws. Not that there's much 'concensus' there, either." This was fast becoming a much deeper discussion than they really had time for.

"Some individuals let others determine their purpose? Is this not counter to your earlier assertion, Garrus?" Legion picked off his heretical brethren with precision. Garrus wondered how the geth felt about that, killing geth, then found himself wondering why he thought the geth would feel anything. Legion was a machine, with no chemicals rushing through his veins to make him feel remorseful. And yet, Garrus felt there were times when Legion showed something, some shadow of empathy. It was hard to place.

"Is it odd that some people determine not to self-determinate? It should be odder than it actually is, but most people find purpose contributing to a greater whole at the expense of personal freedom of purpose. Good laws and lawmakers have the people's best interest in heart, will do what's best for them. It is the hope of the individual that the people in power will be good custodians of their safety." This exposition was punctuated by Garrus repeatedly bashing a geth hunter in the face, the clever bastard had flanked them and his shields had taken a vicious shotgun blast. The hunter dropped in a heap and Garrus plopped down into cover to let his shields regenerate, panting heavily.

"Garrus, what is your purpose?"

Unable to stop himself, Garrus' gaze swept across the battlefield to rest on a tiny female figure, stared at that straight back as it plowed enemies underfoot. She moved like war incarnate as she swept the geth aside. His heart thumped painfully in his chest as he watched her. As if she heard some silent call, she turned and flashed him a brilliant smile, breaking his reverie. He cleared his throat uneasily as he met Legion's gaze, "Uh...data not available."

Garrus laughed as Legion cocked it's eyebrow plates at him, at how much like doubt or incredulity it seemed. Thankfully, the geth remained silent for the rest of the mission. Shepard surprised him by letting Legion rewrite the heretics, helping them rejoin the collective. It wasn't like her to take the choice away from sentient beings. Her purposes must be farther reaching than he could see. Soon enough they were back in the shuttle, enjoying a roll-up, Garrus passed it to Shepard, who took a drag, smiling contentedly.

Legion watched the cigarette closely as it bounced between the two, not commenting. The geth's whole body conveyed deep thought and Garrus sighed, "What monumental dilemma plagues you now, Legion?"

"What is the purpose of hope, Garrus?" He took a deep breath as Shepard chuckled softly, her eyes glittering with mischief at him. It was going to be a long ride back to the Normandy.

* * *

Garrus stared at the empty chairs, at all the empty chairs. Rage writhed in his innards like a living thing. It flared whenever he caught the sorrow in Shepard's eye, made him snarl as he walked through the empty ship behind her. The goddamn Collectors had blindsided them all, when they'd been out on assignment, every one of the ground team had been out running ops when the bastards had come calling, taking everyone who was left. Kelly, Gabby, Ken, Gardner, everyone.

What was worse was the hopeless gleam in Shepard's eye. He knew she felt like it was her fault for not leaving anyone to defend the Normandy. It was like the Collectors knew exactly what would hurt her the most, which the cunning bastards probably did. He was finding it really hard to love his enemy right now.

Shepard eventually settled on the conference room, pacing. In the post invasion meeting, they'd decided to hit the Collector base as soon as possible, so they were en route. It would be several hours before it could be discovered what had happened to their crew. Garrus leaned against a wall and watched her go back and forth, back and forth. The end was so near, and it felt like they hadn't done enough. If they fell, whether or not they failed, there would be no one out there to take their place, to see and prepare for the Reaper threat. And now this...setback, as insufficient a word as that was for this.

"Garrus, you should get some sleep." She'd finally come to a stop, her back to him, hands resting on the console.

He walked to her side, looking at her profile. "_We_ should get some sleep."

She looked at him, wincing, her teeth exposed in a grimace, "You think I could?"

Garrus sighed, "No more than I could, or anyone on this ship. Jane..."

He tucked her hair, which had fallen in her face, behind her ear. Her eyes moistened as he gazed into them. She dashed the tears from them angrily, spitting venomously, "How dare they? How _dare_ they? I can't even..." And she laughed a soft bitter laugh, "oh, they will_ pay_."

He opened his mouth to say the trite, consoling words and she pulled herself away from him, eyes flashing furiously at him. He closed his eyes, trying to contain his own anger. Garrus opened them and grimly said, "They will."

She seemed to collapse then, his easy acquiescence disarming her. He rushed forward to catch her, pulling her into a crushing embrace. Shepard touched his face with a soft hand and he kissed her palm. Even desire, as it tickled his senses, couldn't quench his rage, making his limbs tremble. There was fear in him, too. Fear for the stolen crew, fear that she'd die out there, he shut the thought down, it was too much, could steal his composure if he let it. And then there would be no hope. He had to be strong for her, "I assume you sent a data packet to Liara?"

She grinned savagely, "You know me too well now, Garrus. Yes, with a copy of the IFF if we fail. There will be others if the worst happens."

He sighed, relieved that the fight wouldn't end with them, "It won't. You've put one hell of a team together, Jane. We'll get through this."

"All that's left before we do the actual deed is to talk to the Illusive Man. Though I'm tempted to just throw his Q.E. communicator out the airlock. He's cost us so much, time worst of all." Ghosts paraded behind her eyes and she shut them, saying tensely, "It's so very...inconvenient that I also owe him for this one chance, the best chance, and for the time to do it most of all. It always comes full circle."

"Then I owe him, too. Without him, I wouldn't have seen you again. My life would have found it's dismal and mostly deserved end on Omega, in obscurity." He picked her up in his arms and made to carry her out, "But, you know, I think he can wait for my thanks. And maybe someday I can deliver my thanks in person, on the end of my rifle."

Shepard laughed then, fiercely as she clung to him. The promise of violence in her eyes made him feel no envy whatsoever for the Collectors, the Illusive Man or anyone else who thought that they could get to Shepard through the people she loved. Garrus made a beeline to the elevator, turning her so she couldn't see all those empty chairs. He looked down into her face as the elevator hummed its way upward. He basked in the light of her fury, feeling it feed his own urgency.

Her hands came up to pull his head down to her and he pressed his mouth to hers, feeling the wet softness of her kiss tease his skin. He rumbled, his ardor filling him with desperation. He began to pull at her clothing, sorely tempted to just rip them off her body. She seemed just as eager, snarling at the seals on his armor as they took too long to unlatch. They left a trail of discarded armor and torn clothing all the way to the bed, where they attacked each other with renewed fervor, almost wrestling as each one fought for dominance.

Garrus used his weight to pin her down, hands running over her body roughly. His tongue came out to tease her breasts and she arched into him violently, almost throwing him off, her voice crying out in pleasure. His cock slid out of its sheath along her thigh and he shuddered at the sensation. There just didn't seem like there would be time, there was never enough time. Desperation had him bucking against her skin helplessly. Shepard sensed his burgeoning despair and caught him a surprising blow across the jaw with her elbow. He snapped his gaze back onto her, hiss escaping his mouth.

Felt his mouth go dry at the feverish lust and rage that filled her eyes, his grip slackened and she rolled them. She hovered over him like a predator over a kill and he felt his member grow even harder as he was pinned helpless. She tilted her pelvis to line him up with her entrance, sliding over him with agonizing slowness, her lips curling in a silent snarl. He writhed under her, as much as he could being pinned by her knees. His hips arched to try to get more of him into her and she rose easily with him, keeping to that slow slow friction, letting him in centimeter by centimeter. Finally, he couldn't take it any more and grabbed her hips in a bruising grip and thrust the full length of him into her tight canal, crying out with the relief at being fully seated in her.

Her eyes rolled back into her head and he felt a deep shudder roll through her and her already tight channel clenched around his shaft almost painfully. With a growl, he lifted her almost completely off him then slammed home, hips arching off the bed. The tight focus of her regard pinned him again and she used her strong thigh muscles to squeeze his sensitive waist, making him buck arhythmically. He felt a surge of ecstasy as his cock pulsed in her wet depths, filling her with his issue, and a languidness replaced his heated urgency.

Shepard rolled her hips in a delicious circular motion, pulling his attention to the junction of their thighs. He watched his cock appear and disappear into her as she worked herself on him. She clawed at his chest plates, her face intense in its concentration. Her mouth formed a perfect 'o' as she tilted her head back and reached one hand up to fondle her own breast, the other heading down to flick that hard knot of flesh that gave her so much pleasure when he licked it with his tongue. The image was so erotic, her pleasuring herself on him, that desire pounded through his veins, making his head spin. She screamed as she came, her inner muscles twitching and pulsing madly and her whole body went limp, sliding onto his chest, her hair falling in a brilliant titian cascade.

She mewled as he sat up, holding her to his chest. He arranged her limbs so that she had her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms were limply encircling his neck. Then he started to move in her, slowly and with all the sweetness their earlier lovemaking lacked, caressing her back and waist and buttocks soothingly. Garrus bounced her on him, gently but rapidly, his passion and love for her filling him with a blinding heat. He breathed in her scent, nuzzling her neck tenderly, ran his fingers through her hair. She whimpered, pressing her lips against his neck and he trembled at the feeling, fast losing control of his pace.

He shut his eyes tightly, embracing her as his release flooded through him, pulsating with his heartbeat. There was no tomorrow, no Collectors or Reapers in that perfect moment. Just she and him in a lover's embrace, and the universe seemed to hold its breath.

Then the moment passed. He didn't mourn its passing, just held the memory of it in his heart like a jewel. His eyes opened to see her face inches from his, the anger and pain all but vanished and he was grateful. She held his face in her hands and just looked at him, eyes skipping over his features. He did the same. If the worst came to pass, he wanted to remember this forever. She smiled into his eyes and winced as his cock slithered from her.

Garrus gave her a concerned look, wincing himself as he took in the redness around her nether lips and the bruises on her hips. He shot a look of consternation at her, "I think you're turning me into a deviant. Why don't you ever...say anything when I hurt you?"

She shrugged, dismissing the wounds with a wave of her hand, "You'd never hurt me."

"Jane..." He held her close, and let her faith chase away his doubts. Knew that if she didn't want this, he'd be lying broken and bloody on her floor. He contented himself to just whispering her name against her skin, fluttering his mandibles at her throat, tickling her with his breath in her ear. They shifted to lay next to each other in the bed and lay, just awake and holding each other until EDI informed them that they were approaching the terminus of the relay, where the Collectors awaited them.


	27. Chapter 27

Garrus waited with the rest of the team in CIC. Every one of them, geared and ready. He watched the eager fire in all their eyes and felt pride. How brightly they shone to him, how brilliant and beautiful they all burned. He glanced to Miranda and saw with approval how lit with passion her face was as her gaze swept over their brave men and women. He knew she was close, so close to _understanding._ Maybe not today, but soon, he knew the realization would hit her and her life would change, gain a new complexity.

The Armory door opened and Shepard marched into a sudden hush. Every eye was on her, every beating heart seemed to pause. Garrus saw them lean toward her slightly, as she walked through the gathering to the cockpit, her eyes a conflagration of love for them all. Garrus wordlessly signaled everyone to battle stations and he and everyone else who was needed below decks sprinted for the elevator.

Garrus heard the shipwide comms open as Joker spoke to Shepard, "Approaching the Omega-4 relay. Everyone stand by."

Shepard's sonorous, commanding voice filled the ship, "Let's make it happen."

Garrus skidded to a stop inside the battery, hands flicking over the displays on every terminal to bring all the weapon systems online. EDI stated calmly, "Reaper IFF activated. Signal acknowledged."

Jacob chimed in, "Commander, the drive core just lit up like a christmas tree."

The turian filed that away for extranet search later as he made some last minute calibrations. The Thanix cannon was online and primed.

"Drive core electrical charge at critical levels." EDI sounded alarmed there. Garrus winced, patting the bulkhead.

Joker interjected, "Rerouting..."

Then Garrus felt a powerful pull, reminiscent of the time Shepard had driven the mako through the mass effect relay on Ilos. At least the ship was shielding them from the weightless, moving/not moving feeling of that harrowing experience. It seemed the Omega-4 relay was packing some serious juice if he was feeling any of this.

EDI warned the crew, "Brace for deceleration."

He hugged his console to keep from flying over it. Joker's panicked voice filled him with dread, "Aw shit!"

A breathless moment when Garrus fully expected the ship to crash or fly apart and he slowly opened one eye as nothing happened, but some mild turbulence.

"Whew! Too close." Garrus shook his fist at the comm speakers and Joker's relieved breathless gasp. _Best pilot in the Alliance my ass. _But then again, they were through, alive and in one piece, in a place no one had ever been and come back to tell the tale. So there might be something to it. He reached over and tapped into the external vid feed and sucked in a breath when he saw all those broken hulls. Countless ships out there, dead. _Poor luckless bastards._

"These must be all the ships that tried to make it through the Omega-4 relay. Some look.._.ancient." _The pilot's comment filled him with a chill and he concentrated on getting the ladar up and running to scan the debris.

EDI said, "I have detected an energy signal near the edge of the accretion disk."

Garrus watched the view pan as Joker turned the cameras for a look. There was some kind of...superstructure out there, suspended in the void, surrounded by derelict vessels.

Shepard inhaled sharply, Garrus pictured her drawing herself abruptly upright, "That must be the Collector base. Take us in for a closer look. Nice and easy."

Garrus wondered what it looked like from up there, through the glass, if it was more menacing than the tiny image he could see in the battery.

A ping from the ladar drew his attention. Red dots appeared in the debris field around them. He should have known it wouldn't be as easy as walking up and ringing their doorbell. He spoke, knowing that the comms were still open on every deck, "Careful, we have company."

"Taking evasive maneuvers." Joker grunted, "They're just pissing me off."

_Rear-facing guns would be nice, keep it in mind for upgrades later._ He swayed with every jolt on the ship's shielding. Whatever they were packing, it had a punch. He hoped the new plating would hold. Just then there was a loud crash from belowdecks somewhere and the sirens for hull breech sounded. _Aw, crap._

"It's in the cargo hold!"

Shepard shouted over the comm, "Grunt, Garrus, meet me in the hold."

Garrus scrambled for the elevator, which opened just long enough for him to jump in. Shepard gave him a tight lipped smile as she punched the button for engineering. He pulled his assault rifle out as they descended. Shepard raised her eyebrow, "What? No Widow?"

He chuckled, "I got it. Cargo hold's a bit small for the big gun though."

He turned to show her the rifle slung across his back. She whistled, "I see you got it a paint job. Matte black, the infiltrator's choice of slick color palette."

He grinned at her, "Not just, I had Jacob upgrade her for me. Got a few nice new tricks to show you."

"Oh?" It was clear she was dying to ask him more, but the doors finally opened and they pounded down the corridor to where Grunt was waiting for them. She wasted no time opening the door and they piled into the room, rolling into cover. There was a big damn floating ball making swiss cheese out of the hull. It turned a baleful red eye on them as they opened fire. It returned the favor with fervor, a boiling red line pounded the strut Shepard was hiding behind. Garrus recognized it as the same sort of weapon as Jane had found on Horizon, a particle beam cannon.

Shepard pulled out her version of it and edged around the pillar, trying to get line of sight without compromising her cover. Garrus threw an overload at it, and was rewarded with its attention. He dove behind some boxes just as the spot he'd been standing in erupted in orange fire. Then it was gone, flew out one of the holes in the ship, back out into space. Shepard stood, her face showing frustration. Then she pointed behind Garrus and shouted, bringing her weapon to bear in his direction.

Without thinking about it, he rolled and twisted, a huge red light filling his whole field of vision for just a moment as he scrambled to safety behind some crates. He watched Shepard shoot her cannon into that thing's eye and it reeled back as if in pain. Then it flitted away again. This time all three of them watched the holes warily. Joker's voice floated to them, "We're sitting ducks out here! I have to try to lose them in the debris field."

They were thrown around the hold as Joker tried to scrape off the persuit. Loud crashes and grinding noises heralded every impact. Garrus gritted his teeth against the fear that they'd be destroyed out here without ever giving the Collectors what was coming to them. Joker must be putting forth a heroic effort up there just keeping them from colliding with all those dead ships. Finally, they evened out and Garrus sighed, exchanging relieved glances with Shepard and Grunt.

They turned at a buzzing grinding sound. That damned ball was back, ripping its way into the Normandy's belly. Shepard set her weapon to her shoulder, waiting for that red eye to show itself. Garrus dodged between containers and pillars, throwing everything he had at it. Grunt stalked toward it, abandoning his cover to pump round after round into it. Might have been the end of him if the thing had not been so fixated on Shepard. She'd found a place where she was still in cover but could unload her particle beam straight into the machine's lense, burning it out from the inside.

Finally it faltered, glowing blue in cracked patterns all along its surface. The light grew brighter and Garrus had just enough time to duck when it exploded, showering them in shrapnel.

"You better get back up here, Commander." Joker said.

"We're about to clear the relay." EDI followed.

Shepard clapped them both on the shoulder and ran for the lift, Garrus close on her heels. They ran past Tali, who'd poked her head out of engineering, "What have you bosh'tets done to the cargo hold?"

They yelled back in unison, "Redecorating!"

They heaved pants as the lift climbed up a level. Shepard laughed fiercely. Garrus matched her. Swooping in for a kiss, then darting away as the doors opened, Garrus hurried back to the battery.

Miranda's voice filled the air, "There it is. The Collector base."

"See if you can find a place to land without drawing attention," replied Shepard.

"Too late." Joker said resignedly, "Looks like they're sending out an old friend to greet us."

Garrus watched on his monitors as a familiar silhouette pulled away from the giant base. It rolled to turn its cannon on them. Garrus snarled as he focused all his rage against that ship, the ship that killed Shepard, that had stolen the crew. Cruel delight filled him when he heard Shepard's voice roll over him, "Time to show our new teeth. Fire the main gun."

"With pleasure." He almost felt the energy pound out at the hated Collector ship, watched it approach the enemy with joy. Almost shouted in victory when the powerful blast tore through that hull and out the other side. His hands trembled at the controls as the crippled ship fell. Joker yelled, "How do you like that, you sons of bitches!"

Shepard's voice cut him off, "Get in close and finish them off."

"Everybody hold on. It's going to be a wild ride!" Joker spun the ship high so it could curl over the top of the collector ship, coming straight down at it's stern from above. Garrus let loose another shot, crowing as the entire aft exploded, followed by a shockwave that hit the Normandy hard, flinging him around the battery.

Miranda shouted, "Watch out!"

"The mass effect field generators are offline! EDI, gimme something!" Joker was panicking, the ship pitched and yawed crazily. Garrus hoped everyone else was secured and braced himself for anything, clinging to the console with both arms.

EDI said, "Generators unresponsive. All hands brace for impact."

The crash lifted him up off his feet and slammed him to the deck, dazed he realized they had stopped, the grinding shrieking noise was them coming to a halt. He picked himself back up, rubbing his sore shoulders. He wasn't hearing anything from anywhere else in the ship, hopefully that just meant his comm system shorted out. An eventuality Shepard must have planned for because his omnitool pinged, a message to meet in the conference room.

He made his way there, meeting Thane, Samara and Kasumi at the lift. They exchanged grim looks as they headed up.

The conference room was full of people when they joined them. Everyone milled as they waited. Shepard strode in, commanding their instant attention. She swept her gaze over them, locking eyes with each of them, "This isn't how we planned this mission. But this is where we're at."

"We can't worry about whether the Normandy can get us home. We came to stop the Collectors, and that means coming up with a plan to take out this station." The look in her eye said she already had some ideas on how to do just that, but ever the pragmatist she wanted her team's input. "EDI, bring up your scans."

A glowing representation of the inner workings of the base floated before them, with a triangle that denoted their current position. EDI said, "You should be able to overload their critical systems if you get to the main control systems here."

A line pointed to the location. Jacob eyed it, "That means going through the heart of the station. Right past this massive energy signature."

Garrus wondered what something that massive could be. It was unreal how much of the base it seemed to take up, throbbing there like living thing. Shepard laid her hands on the console, leaning forward, "That's the central chamber. If our crew or any of the colonists are still alive, the Collectors are probably holding them in there."

"Looks like there are two main routes. Might be a good idea to split up to keep the Collectors off-balance. Then regroup in the central chamber." Jacob looked to Shepard, who nodded in thanks for his opinion.

Miranda shook her head, pointing out parts of each route, "No good. Both routes are blocked. See these doors? The only way past is to get someone to open them from the inside."

Garrus leaned forward to poke at the map, saying, "We can send someone through this ventilation shaft."

Jacob crossed his arms, leaning back on one foot, "Practically a suicide mission. I volunteer."

Miranda shot him a look, "I appreciate the thought, Jacob, but you couldn't take down the security systems in time. We need to send a tech expert."

Shepard dropped her gaze on Tali, "Tali, you're up."

The quarian's back was straight and strong, "I won't let you down."

"The rest of us will break into two teams and fight down each passage. That should draw the Collectors' attention away from what you're doing."

Shepard turned as Miranda spoke up. Her eyes flashed as she said, "I'll lead the second fire team, Shepard. We'll meet up with you on the other side of the doors."

Jack sneered, "Not so fast, cheerleader. No one wants to take orders from you."

Garrus put his hand on her shoulder and Jack looked back at him, he shook his head at her. The bitter woman quieted down and Miranda said into the silence, "this isn't a popularity contest. Lives are at stake, Shepard. You should pick someone who can command loyalty through experience."

Even as she said it, everyone's gaze swung to him. He resisted ducking his head at the unconscious praise, catching Shepard's amused eye, "Garrus, you're in charge of the second team."

He nodded, it wasn't arrogance that had already made it a foregone conclusion. Miranda nodded in approval too, "Well, at least he knows what he's doing."

Shepard moved along the length of the table, "I won't lie to you. It's not gonna be easy, we've lost good people-"

Her fist clenched and a muscle flexed along her jaw, "-we may lose more."

Rage lit her eyes and Garrus smiled to see it echo around the room, Shepard pounded her fist on the console, "The Collectors attacked our ship, took our crew, our friends. They think we're helpless, they couldn't_ be_ more wrong.

"We don't know how many the Collectors have stolen. Thousands, hundreds of thousands. The number is not important. If they had stolen only a few, I would still be here today." Garrus felt adrenaline course through his veins as her impassioned speech uplifted them. They swayed with her words, enthralled. Shepard drew herself up, "It's time to stand. Time to shout at that beast, 'Not one more. Not a single one more.' That's what we _will_ do. Here, today, this...outrage will end with us."

She punctuated her words with a jabbing finger in the air, "Let's go get our people back!"

Shepard led their rank and file to the airlock, pulling Thane and Miranda to her side. Garrus swept along in her wake, reaching out to ghost his hands through the tips of her hair. She turned and smiled as she leapt down to the surface of the base. He watched her team head off decisively. Tali split off and headed off to the ventilation shaft. Garrus swept his arm up to direct everyone else, it was showtime.


	28. Chapter 28

"How you liking that rifle?" Jacob's voice floated over to him from where the human was crouched.

Garrus rumbled happily as he popped the heads off of three collectors in rapid succession. "Oh, it'll do. It will do."

Legion looked at the sleek black thing in Garrus' hands, "Query. Where did you find the upgrades for that Widow?"

"You'll have to ask Jacob if you want him to take a look at yours. Massani, gimme three grenades, two o'clock." He grinned as the explosions went off. As they advanced along this route, Garrus hoped things were going as well on Shepard's end. He hadn't been too sure about the whole travelling in a seeker swarm filled tunnel with only a biotic shield to protect them plan. But maybe it's simplicity was its saving grace. Jack was strong, they'd make it. And Miranda was there too, for backup. Mordin had been sent with the crew they'd managed to save back to the ship. Garrus sent a thanks to what higher powers that might be listening that they were able to save the few they did.

"Taking point." Garrus pulled his assault rifle out and rushed the next area, dropping into cover just as a large group of the bastards flew in. "Grunt, take left, flank them from that wall, wait for my signal. Kasumi, go with him. Jacob, Legion, Massani, work your way right, draw their attention. We'll cover you from up here."

The collectors swung right to follow the distraction team, and Garrus and Samara and picked off the problematic ones. When the host of enemies had focused to the right, Garrus yelled to Grunt and Kasumi, "Now!"

Grunt charged their rear, followed by Kasumi who cloaked as she engaged them in melee. Between the three groups, they slaughtered the collectors in droves. Garrus spotted a large group of husks further ahead, and they had those shambling bags of trouble with them, "Scions! 12 o clock!"

They'd found the door into the area they were supposed to rendezvous with Shepard, but the enemy numbers were swelling. Garrus had the squad keep shuffling to avoid the shockwaves, but it was getting harder and harder to defend this spot. He radioed the other team, "Shepard! Do you copy?"

"I copy. What's your position?" They must have made it, he sighed in relief.

"We're pinned down at the door. Taking heavy fire." He blasted a husk point blank, then had to batter its buddy with his rifle stock. He groaned as he saw collector forces winging in behind them. They were in trouble if Shepard couldn't open the door soon.

"We're coming. Just hold on."

Garrus grimaced, letting his rifle spread the bullets around in a wild arc. His team was doing everything they could to keep this one area clear while dodging fire and shockwaves. He backed against the door and heard a muffled, "Get this door open!"

He flushed with relief. No sooner said than done and he almost fell backwards as the door slid open. Garrus took a step forward and yelled, "Everyone in!"

He laid cover fire while they scooted past him. Stepping slowly backwards, he looked over to make sure they were all there. Shepard stepped up next to him and he threw her a cheeky grin, she yelled, "Seal the doors."

The moment's distraction cost him though, as one of the collector's parting shots slammed into his stomach. He bent over, the wind knocked out of him. Strong hands lifted him up and he looked into green eyes, he choked out, "I'm okay. Just need a second to catch my breath."

Fear flickered on her countenance, then she straightened, thumping him on the shoulder. She lithely jumped up onto a platform, her gaze sweeping over them. Relief that they'd made it this far without losing anyone etched clearly on her face. "Thane. Garrus. You're with me."

The two men exchanged a nod before joining her up there. Garrus stood at her shoulder, as he'd done for so long now. He watched her shoulders tense as she prepared to give parting orders to her crew. This moment was why they had all come. The final push against these machines that were the vanguard for an invasion force the galaxy hadn't seen for thousands upon thousands of years. He moved slightly so he could watch her face as she spoke. She spread her hand over them like she was granting them a benediction, which they received in hushed awe, "The Collectors, the Reapers, they aren't a threat to just _us_. They are a threat to everything-everyone. Those are the lives we're fighting for. That is the scale of it.

"It's been a long journey...and no one's coming out without scars. But it all comes down to this moment. We win or lose it all in the next few minutes." Her love for them filled the air around them, making each back straighten, each chin lift. Softly she said, "Make me proud. Make yourselves proud."

Garrus dropped his hand on her shoulder, knowing Thane had mirrored him on her other side. Miranda gathered the remaining forces to guard the way in as the small team left to engage their final enemy in its lair, the floating platform dividing the forces physically, but not in spirit. They were all in this together, strongly standing in the face of this monumental horror as one.

* * *

**_"Assuming direct_ control!"** Garrus growled in frustration as the trooper that he'd been about to headshot flew up into the air, light scoring tracks all over its body. He knew when it landed, it would be twice as hard to kill. Somehow, being possessed by Harbinger made these minions tough as hell.

He ground out from between clenched teeth, "I'm really getting tired of that guy."

Thane chuffed out a dry laugh, "I imagine so. He's the worst conversationalist I have ever heard."

**_"Preserve Shepard's body...if possible." _ **In a blinding rage, Garrus poured all three shots in his clip into that monstrosity's skull, watching in satisfaction as it disintegrated under the onslaught. He ducked under cover as another possessed collector threw a ball of blue-black energy at him. It shouted in its hollow voice, **_"We are the Harbinger of your ascendance."_**

Platforms flew lazily toward them, every one full of enemy soldiers, every one of them capable of being transformed into that hated being, Harbinger. There seemed to no end to them. Thane, Shepard and he poured endless rounds into them, and they seemed to make no progress. Garrus narrowed his focus to just killing one after another, loading and reloading, diving and dodging like a man possessed. The time for finesse was past, this was just slaughter.

The blood frenzy lifted as he realized there were no more enemies to kill. The platforms made a long chain behind them, they were finally coming to the central chamber where he hoped this madness would end. He pushed a dead scion over the edge with his foot, then walked over to where Shepard and Thane were contemplating a terminal. She looked all around, "This is it. All the tubes lead to this spot. EDI, what do your scans tell you about what they're doing?"

"The tubes are feeding into some kind of superstructure. It is emitting both organic and non-organic energy signatures." Her next words were filled with awe, "Given these readings, it must be massive."

Garrus' mouth went dry as he stared up and up at the grotesque shape above them. EDI's voice floated over the comm, "If my calculations are correct, the superstructure...is a Reaper."

Shepard's gauntlet creaked as she clenched her hand tightly. Rage filled her face as she grimly said, "Not just any Reaper...a human Reaper."

His heart was pounding in his chest as he looked upon the future of them all. Worlds would empty of sentient life just to bring one, just one of these to life. He thought of the countless civilizations sacrificed over the eons for this...perversion of reproduction. There were hundreds of thousands of Reaper ships out there at the edge of the galaxy. The loss of life in sheer number was...innumerable.

He barely listened as Shepard and EDI hashed out theories, he was watching her hands more intently from where she stood with her back to them. They chopped through the air viciously. The anger surrounding her like a cloak was pounding against his senses, the sheer wrongness of it all was staggering. He felt a pressure on his body, a palpable force was being exerted on him. It radiated from _her. Am I imagining this? What new madness is this?_

Her voice rose like a clarion call resounding through this void, "_This_ is ascendance?! That crucified obscenity is what the Reapers think we _are _and ever can be_?_! This how they _create? _Unconscionable."

Her voice dropped on that last word, becoming sorrowful, "This is not creation. Where is the joy in it?"

A power in her voice made him shake, both men swayed toward her. Abruptly, the sensation passed and Garrus gasped in relief. Then she turned her face to him and he was relieved to see how very mortal she seemed at that moment, like a silent hand had passed over them all. It left a chill in its wake. Shepard shook herself, then pointed out the tubes holding the Reaper fetus up, "Garrus, shoot those two tubes on my mark."

She drew her Mantis, indicating that Thane should draw his sniper rifle as well. The trio scoped in unison, the command fell from Shepard's lips softly, "Go."

Time slowed for him as he let loose a volley, barrel moving fractionally as he centered his crosshairs over the second tube. Both exploded less than a second apart, followed by the shattering of the other two. Thane broke the reverie, "Reinforcements."

They broke for cover, dancing with the enemy as they dropped in on their flying discs. With a deafening groan, the human-Reaper broke free of it's constraints and limply fell into the abyss below them. Shepard opened her comm, "Shepard to ground team. Status report."

"It's Jack. We're good for now, but we need to go soon." Her voice crackled.

Shepard glanced at Garrus, who nodded, "Get to the Normandy. Joker-prep the engines. I'm about to overload this place and blow it sky high."

"Roger that, Commander."

Shepard pulled the paneling open where EDI had recommended to place the bomb. She paused as Joker interrupted her, "Uh, Commander, I've got an incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI's patching it through."

Garrus' wrist pinged and he held up his omnitool in surprise. A few taps to access the link and a holographic projection appeared before them. _This must be the Illusive Man._ His eyes narrowed as he memorized that face, he had a feeling it would be cause for concern soon. Call it an intuition. The man's voice crackled through the interface, "Shepard. You've done the impossible."

"I was part of a team. Some of my crew gave their lives for this mission." A tiny curling of her upper lip indicated just how much contempt she had for the human. Inside, Garrus rejoiced. She would never be this man's puppet, she only allowed him to believe that he pulled the strings for a time.

The Illusive Man's shoulders slumped, "I know. Their sacrifice will not be forgotten. You did what you had to do, and you acquired the Collector Base. I'm looking at the schematics EDI uploaded. A timed radiation pulse would kill the remaining Collectors, but leave their machinery and technology intact."

He spread his hands magnanimously, his voice dripping reason, "This is our chance, Shepard. They were building a Reaper. That knowledge, that framework, could save us."

She slowly got up and turned to face him and with cruel amusement, Garrus watched the apparition take a step back from the implicit threat in her eyes. She stalked towards him, like a predator. Garrus felt Thane shiver next to him and looked over to see a flash of fear in the drell's large dark eyes. Not fear for his body, something else. Her voice was a deceptively gentle lilt, "They liquified people. Desecrated their flesh to turn them into something truly horrific. Tell me why we shouldn't destroy this place?"

The image foundered in the face of her rage, his plea impassioned, "A threat this big, your ideals go out the window. This station can help stop the Reapers, we have to use it. You know it's the right choice."

The look on her face said she knew no such thing, but as Garrus watched her consider the options, a tiny whisper of a thought that this decision wasn't really about the fate of the collector base trickled its way around the back of his mind. She echoed, "My ideals..."

The flame of rage died slowly in her eyes and she peered at him coldly as she said, "This..._gift,_ as you think it to be, severs all my ties with you. Provided it is never turned against the people of the galaxy, I will turn my eye from you. But I will be watching."

Garrus dropped the link and the ghostly hologram disappeared. "Are we really saving the base?"

Shepard smiled cryptically, "There was nothing here left to save, besides our people. The Illusive Man will find this to be an empty gain in the end, I think."

He turned that puzzle over in his mind. The Illusive Man was gaining loads of Reaper tech, which could go so very bad later. If she wasn't referring to the base and its tech, then what did she mean? He watched her reconfigure the bomb, curiously. It seemed he would never understand her, her motives were magnitudes beyond him. That she was still a mystery pleased him, unaccountably. She stood and said to them, "Let's move. We have ten minutes."

A tremor ran through the deck beneath their feet. Garrus felt the icy fingers of premonition trail up his spine and he drew his rifle. Like a nightmare, the human Reaper rose above them, glowering with baleful red eyes at the small troupe. Shepard pulled out her particle beam cannon, sighting along it, firing it into one of those glowing lenses. Garrus watched energy gather at the thing's mouth and felt a flood of fear as Shepard made no move to find cover. He lunged for her, knocking her to the side behind some rubble just as the thing unleashed a beam that scorched the ground she'd just occupied. He hissed at her, "Now!? Now you want to be reckless?"

She patted his cheek as she got up, the monstrosity seemed to have dropped over the edge for now, licking its wounds maybe. "Just keeping you on your toes, Garrus."

"Spirits, woman, just watch yourself, please. I'm only one turian." He unloaded his clip into some incoming collector troops, knocking some out of the air before they could even land. He felt a little panicky flutter at the thought of how much time they had left, "Time?"

"Six and some change." Came her calm reply just as the Reaper reared up over the edge again. She stayed down mostly this time, popping up to strike at the things eyes. _Six minutes, just six minutes_, he attacked with renewed fervor, knowing that he had to get Shepard out of here. It didn't matter as long as he got her to safety.

Too much time later the Reaper finally fell for good, taking out the edges of the platforms they were on. Garrus felt himself pitch sideways and knew he wasn't going to make the jump. He slid closer and closer to the edge and craned his head about to try to catch a last glimpse of Shepard and found her sliding toward him, hand outstretched. _No, no she'll fall, too. _He yelled for her to leave him, but she couldn't hear over the grinding tumult around them. Garrus felt his legs slide over the edge and somehow, miraculously, she was there, holding him by one hand as he dangled over the precipice.

She pulled him up with a grunt, he scrambled back onto the platform with a shuddering gasp. An explosion below them signalled the final end to that aborted abomination. The concussion from the blast rattled all the platforms loose and the world tilted crazily, a sickening sensation in his gut told him they were falling, then there was a crash and he blacked out.

Garrus came to when someone lifted him up by his shoulder. Groggily, he looked down into Shepard's face. She was saying something...about helping Thane. He nodded and followed her to a fallen beam, the form of their friend trapped beneath it. He heaved the twisted metal up and dropped it to the side. Thane was breathing...good. Garrus reached down and picked him up by the front of his coat. No time for politeness, he slung the man across his shoulders. Joker's voice filtered into his consciousness, "Do you copy? Commander? C'mon, Shepard, don't leave me hangin'. Do you copy?"

She walked in front of him, "I'm here, Joker. Did the ground team make it?"

"All survivors on board. We're just waiting on you." A noise behind them had him spinning. A seeker swarm flew towards them. Garrus slapped the last few cobwebs out of his head and ran for it, pounding after the retreating Commander. Thane tapped his shoulder, "Let me down. I can walk."

"In case you haven't noticed, we're running. Sit tight til we get home, Thane." There was no time to set the man down. Adrenaline coursing through his veins made the drell seem to weigh nothing, a breath of pressure across his shoulders. He was hard on Shepard's heels. She was slowing, tapping at her comm link. Exasperated, Garrus stated, "And if Shepard doesn't get a move on, she's going to be joining you up there."

She ripped her visor off and chucked it over the side of the railing, "Fucking Harbinger was talking to me in my earpiece."

It seemed the entire base was chasing them up to where the ship waited. Joker opened the airlock, waving at them to hurry. He had a rifle and was shooting at the collectors that were fast gaining on them. Garrus leapt into the ship, relieved, dropping Thane unceremoniously on the deck. A loud crash behind him turned that relief into dread and he swung around to see the platforms that made a convenient ramp drop into the blackness below. He saw a grim smile form on Shepard's face as her pace didn't slacken, but increased. His stomach tried to drop out of the bottom of his feet. _No it's too far. Jane!_

Then she jumped, almost defying gravity as she flew over the chasm. It was a long heart stopping moment as she sped toward him. He'd just thought to hold his arms out when she slammed into him, throwing both of them on top of Thane's prone form. The drell groaned, "A little thought for my dignity, please. I am a dying man."

Shepard was off him in a flash, pounding after Joker as he limped his way back to the cockpit. Garrus stood with difficulty, pulling Thane upright, too. They supported each other across the threshold of the airlock, tossing an almost reproachful look at Shepard's back as they made their way through CIC to the lift. The ship tilted madly as Joker maneuvered them out of harm's way, Garrus and Thane staggered like drunks, arms over each other's shoulders. The elevator doors opened and they collapsed gratefully against opposite walls. As it descended, the base must have exploded, because the two men found themselves promptly off their feet again, and with a few new bruises. Garrus wrenched his eyes open to find Thane staring at him with a pained expression on his face. Garrus sighed, "Drink?"

"Drink." The drell agreed, closing his eyes again. Garrus also let his eyes drift shut, cheek pressed into the cool decking. They'd made it, they were alive. A short reprieve had been granted, the spirits were merciful.


	29. Chapter 29

It didn't take long for the rest of the crew to join them in Kasumi's lounge. It took even less time for the lot of them to get uproariously drunk. Smiles, brilliant with relief and victory, beamed at him from every corner of the room. His mandibles ached, he must be grinning as foolishly. They couldn't seem to get close enough, even in this small room. Elbows and knees jarred with exuberance, shoulders bumped, hands clasped warmly. There was a comfort in their close presence. They were reassuring themselves that not a single one was lost, that they were still whole.

Garrus felt wonder at this communal feeling. It was like they weren't separate people, but one organism. At the same time they were definitely separate people, and the many different perspectives, opinions and prejudices, loves, fears, hopes, despairs. But all part of something greater. Isolated, but integrated. Garrus wondered if the geth had something similar, His eye was drawn to Legion, who was in a quiet conversation with Tali, felt amazed when she didn't back away when the geth put his hand on her shoulder. His internal existential diatribe was broken off when Shepard made her appearance, door sliding open on her grim face.

She stepped into the sudden tense hush. Every face turned to her with dread. She stalked to the couch, stood rigidly at his side. He looked up at her. Garrus was just about to ask what was the matter when she dropped heavily into his lap, stern expression breaking into one of pure fierce joy. Stunned, the crew erupted into laughs and cheers, catcalling vulgarly. She planted a kiss on his cheek and shouted, "What's a woman gotta do around here to get a drink?! Save the goddamn galaxy?!"

Now they were complete. She was part of them as they were part of her. She traded shot for shot with Zaeed, her face taking on a flush as the alcohol took effect. Garrus laughed at her antics as she leapt from couch to couch re-enacting that final jump. This was an entirely new side to her, he'd never seen her just cut loose like this. This marvelous complex woman always found ways to surprise and delight him. He loved a mystery, and she was nothing but. He could spend a lifetime trying to unravel her, and not a moment of it would be wasted.

He nursed his drinks at first, not wanting the booze to rob him of this. Just watching them all, just watching her, feeling connected to every soul here. It was precious and beautiful and everyone was well aware of it. The cacophony of their mirth rose and fell in waves, and it was during one of the low tides that someone started singing. It was low and soft, his gaze swept around and found it coming from...Jack. Jack of all people. Her voice was sweetly pure and light,_ "Tis the last rose of summer...left blooming alone..."_

Shepard froze as she listened intently, her head cocked to one side. Garrus watched her eyes fill with tears as she opened her mouth to join in, rising in harmony. Zaeed broke in, his rough voice floating below theirs, not quite on key but it didn't matter. Soon all the humans joined in. It must be a popular song. Not knowing the words but hearing the melody, Garrus rumbled a hum in accompaniment, soon followed by everyone who didn't know the words, except Legion who was incredibly still, his whole body conveying intense listening. Shepard's face shone with her approval, Jack blushed from where she sat as the song rose around her, taken up by her companions, but she didn't falter.

Garrus tilted his head back and listened to the words. There was sorrow and mercy and faith in there and it pulled at him mightily. A wonderful gestalt occurred as the group shared in the understanding that they stood together in this feeling, that they were more than the desolate singular people that they used to be. A queer feeling stole over him and his eyes shot open, _They were more. More than they used to be._

Tears streamed down Shepard's face as she took in his astonishment. This feeling was almost eldritch. He trembled as the song ended and the feeling faded. Shepard went to Jack and pulled her into an embrace, gave her a chaste kiss on her lips. Garrus watched the biotic flush deeply red and felt amusement that she could be disarmed so completely, as hard a shell as she had.

Zaeed's coarse voice broke the awe-filled silence, "I got one!"

It startled them into a laugh. He stood and start clapping in time with his words, which rose and fell over them, "_Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair...And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share..."_

Garrus laughed as the story of the song unfolded, clapped in time with everyone else. Soon, they were all standing, pounding their feet, Garrus gaped to see Massani do a jig, the man held his hand out to Kasumi, who curtsied and spun into his arms. They danced in the small space deftly, feet flashing as the crew laughed and cheered around them. All the while, Zaeed ground out his song not missing a beat, voice rising to a roar at the finish, "..._Lad, I don't know where you've been, but I see you've won first priiize!"_

The loudest cheer yet shook the deck beneath their feet, fresh drinks passed around. There were shouts for another, all their gazes swung to Miranda, who stood with a smirk on her face, "Garrus. I know you got one."

He ducked his head in embarrassment, the people all around him shouting encouragement. Shepard smiled at him, silently urging him on with her eyes. He cleared his throat nervously, "I, uh, I don't think I'm drunk enough for that..."

Kasumi thrust a shot glass full of turian brandy into his hand, her eyes twinkling with mischief under her hood, cajoling, "The man says he's thirsty!"

With chagrin, Garrus downed the glass, quickly followed by two more. Thus girded, the turian stood and looked over their expectant faces and felt a warm flush of affection for them all. Haltingly, he started singing. The tone grew stronger as he grew more confident. He closed his eyes and pictured his mother walking through the house where he'd grown up, her hands flitting as they skillfully did mundane tasks. Before the disease had taken away her voice, this song was one that she always loved, sang as she worked. Garrus swayed with the song's rhythms, turian rhythms, matching his heartbeat.

He felt a hand slide into his own and looked down to see Shepard's enthralled face, her eyes shining brightly. He pulled her into a tight hug, felt her shiver as his voice reverberated through his sternum into hers. He thanked the spirits for this, for all of this and for not abandoning him as he'd feared so long ago. He ended the song with a flourish, ducking his head at the roar of praise that assaulted him.

He sat, pulling Shepard into his lap. The crew called for another, then another until everyone had sung something, songs of home or bawdy ballads or what have you. Surprisingly, the dirtiest one came from Samara and they all crowed as she moved suggestively with the scandalous lyrics. He felt a touch of shock at her outrageous behavior, she was normally so severe. Garrus was well into his cups by the time they'd exhausted their repertoire, awareness fogged by brandy, he was content to sit and let their revelry wash over him.

The impromptu party settled into a calmer mien, softer voices punctuated the air as they all leaned on each other. Drinks spilled, stories were told over and over again. Joker's hat made the rounds. Presently, it was perched awkwardly on his fringe and he looked down into Shepard's dancing green eyes, "Whaddya think? Is it me?"

"I'm resisting the urge to jump you right now." She growled seductively, making his pulse jump. Her sitting on his crotch, while exceedingly pleasant, was fast becoming a source of concern as he felt his lower plates loosen slightly. She shifted, her wicked smile saying she knew exactly what she was doing to him. He almost groaned as she ground her buttocks onto him mercilessly.

He rumbled in her ear, "Maybe we should take this upstairs, or we might end up giving everyone a show."

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he stood, carrying her with him to the door, urgency burning away the fog of inebriation. He turned back as a sarcastic voice called, "Hey, Romeo, can I have my hat back?"

So much for a quiet withdrawal. Shepard grabbed the offending article off his head and threw it hard at the pilot's head with a snarl. Laughter chased them all the way to the elevator. Her hands began working the skin under his fringe and he panted with barely suppressed lust. Once in the elevator, his hands found their way under her shirt, gliding over that skin, so strangely soft still. He relished the feel of it under his calloused hands.

Shepard dipped her hands under the waistband of his pants, pulling them down and he inhaled sharply as they touched his emerging member. It shot out almost painfully fast, twitching in her palms and he groaned as she slid from base to tip and back again. He was fast losing control. He pulled her shirt over her head and turned her around roughly, pinning her to the wall. Garrus unsnapped her bra with practiced ease, briefly recalling how this particular device used to daunt him. He reached around her and her breasts filled his palms. He felt their fullness, pinching and squeezing the nipples, pulling them slightly.

She moaned, a sound that seemed to roll down all the way down into his cock. Which he ground against her ass as she bowed her back in that deliciously flexible way. Those pants of hers had to go and Garrus reached a hand down to unbutton them and slowly pull the zipper down. She was shaking in her need now, the scent of her arousal filling the small lift. His head swam as he drunk it in, sliding his fingers down to her molten core, cock spasming uncontrollably as he felt how fucking wet she was already. With a powerful yank, he pulled her pants down and off her feet, discarding them to the side. She was clad only in her panties now, a lacy black affair that begged to be ripped off.

He resisted with difficulty, running a single talon under the edge of it, hand ghosting over her curvaceous rump. He knelt and turned her around by her hips so she was facing him again. Her eyes glittered wantonly down at him. His face was inches from her juicy center and his tongue came out to flick her panty covered mound just once, teasing her mercilessly. She whimpered and fisted her hands in her hair. He focused his stare on her eyes, throwing every ounce of intensity he possessed into it. She trembled above him, he ran his thumbs under the edge of her underwear, rubbing little circles into her hip bones. His voice rolled out of him, smoothly, despite the hammering of his heart, "Tell me you want me."

She bucked her hips at the feeling of his hot breath on her sensitive bud. She panted, "I want you, Garrus."

His cock throbbed between his legs and he pulled her soaked panties to the side, breathing in her scent deeply. He hitched her thighs up so they rested on his shoulders and delved into her with his tongue, lapping at the juices that ran freely from her. He felt her jerking spasmodically above him as he wrapped the flexible tip of his tongue around that little bundle of nerves and pulled ever so gently. Her salty sweet essences dripped down his chin and onto his chest, he felt annointed by it. He pushed a finger into her, feeling the muscles tighten on it. His hips bucked involuntarily at the thought of those muscles clenching around his shaft. Her cries grew shrill as she reached her climax and he grinned lasciviously into her thigh, nuzzling the soft flesh there, nipping gently. He took one last long taste of her, thrusting his tongue as far into her slick wet channel as it would go, before regretfully pulling away.

Her feet never touched the ground as he rose, using his strength to resettle her around his waist, her long legs resting on his hips. He crushed her against the wall, rolling his hips so that his cock rubbed between them, becoming slick with her juices. He leaned his face close to hers, "Do you know how fucking good you taste?"

His vulgar words drew another moan from her lips. She was almost incoherent with desire, her eyelids fluttering over her hugely dilated pupils. Garrus pressed his mouth to hers, thrusting his tongue past her lips to tangle with hers. He explored her mouth with abandon, rasping over her palate, her molars and reaching all the way back to feel the back of her throat. Shock coursed through him as her lips closed around his tongue and she began to suck on it, her cheeks hollowing slightly with the action. The sensation was unfamiliar, but highly erotic and he pushed his tongue in and out of her mouth, eyes almost crossing at the pleasure in the feeling. His mind imagined her lips wrapped around another part of his anatomy and he groaned into her mouth, provoking a groan in return.

He shifted his hips so his cock was positioned at her entrance. Garrus pulled his face away from hers so he could watch her expression as he slowly pushed himself into her tight depths. Her face went slack as he filled her, the last couple of inches he slammed into her, her eyelids fluttering in shock. She pointed behind them, at the open door of the lift. She panted out, "Bed."

Without pulling out, he strode into her cabin, her legs still securely latched around his waist. He lowered them onto the bed, her beneath him and he paused to look down at her. Her hair was spread across the pillow in soft waves, glowing like fire in the dim light. He ran his thumb over her cheek, following the faded scars from her resurrection. Her lips curled into a rueful smile as she realized what he was looking at. Garrus then realized that she was a bit self conscious about them and he smiled lovingly down at her, "You're beautiful, Jane."

She gave a hitching breath and pulled him down on top of her, kissing all along his scarred mandible, her eyes closed with the intensity of her emotions. Garrus moved gently in her, making her moan softly into his cowl. His heart raced as she ran her fingernails along his ribs and he picked up his pace. His first release rolled over him almost immediately and he sighed as his seed left him in spurts, his thrusts never slackening. The engorged tip of his cock was like a hard ball of nerves as it felt every ridge and silken surface in her.

He leaned back on his heels and pulled her legs up to his shoulders. Shepard was biting her knuckle as he pumped into her, her breasts jiggling with every thrust. Her skin shone with sweat, flushed with heat. He reached down to her hips and pulled her to him time with his thrusts, which were reaching a fevered pitch. Shepard wailed and her back arched as she came around him, internal muscles squeezing and twitching. It almost threw him over the edge again but he held on desperately, trying to draw this out forever. He forced himself to slow, fondling her calf muscles, nipping her heels, licking the backs of her knees. Her waist was a marvel of taut flesh and muscle and he ran his hands over her flesh greedily, humming in approval which drew a moan of ecstasy from her. He loved the way she arched into every touch, how responsively she moved to meet him as he pounded into her with increasing speed.

Garrus spread her legs widely beneath him, gaping in naked rapaciousness as her heels almost touched opposite sides of the bed. He looked down to where they were joined and watched his blue phallus disappear into her deeply pink flesh and felt his balls churn within his carapace with the need to cum. He managed to last a few more seconds, pumping away wildly before giving in. A rush of white hot ecstasy enveloped him and he felt her writhe under him, caught in her own release as he flooded her womb. The walls of her passage milked him and he whimpered with every surge.

The stress and havoc of the day caught up to him then and he collapsed atop her, utterly exhausted and completely sated. Dimly he heard her whispering in his aural canal, but for the life of him he couldn't comprehend it. She held him in her arms gently, legs clasped loosely around his waist. His face was buried in her hair and she crooned to him, voice soft and lilting. He couldn't seem to make himself move and the last thought to cross his mind was how much he loved her, how he should tell her now that they had won some time. Sleep robbed him of the words though and he sank into the darkness silently.


	30. Chapter 30

When he awoke, she was gone. Her side of the bed was cool so she must have gotten up a long while ago. Garrus squinted at the chronometer, it was well past noon. He felt a touch of shame for having slept so long and wondered why she didn't wake him up. His head pounded a bit from all the booze that he'd consumed the night before. With a groan, he sat up, noting that his clothes were scattered about the room, haphazardly. One of his shoes had ended up in the aquarium, much to the fascination of the fish that flitted near it.

With chagrin, he realized he must have thrown it last night in his haste to get naked. He reached for his visor and put it on, adjusting it to settle it comfortably. Garrus lurched out of bed with a grunt, nearly tripping over the torn sheets that littered the carpet. He winced, thinking how it must be the fifth or sixth set of sheets he'd ruined. Terran cloth was just not strong enough to withstand the punishment of his talons. He'd have to rectify that, send off for some good turian synthetics.

He bundled up the fragments of bedclothes and stuffed them in the waste chute, along with his shoe that he fished out of her tank. He found the other one under her bed and with a shrug, chucked it too. He'd just have to walk barefoot to the battery, where his other change of clothes lay in his duffle. He pondered the idea of bringing his things up here, but decided against it. After all, he still didn't know exactly where she stood on the whole relationship thing. He didn't want to presume anything, didn't want to pressure her. This whole thing was still new to him, he didn't know human customs where this sort of thing was concerned.

After a bit of snooping, he found some more sheets and put them on the bed, corners tucked military fashion. He picked up as he went along, putting articles of clothing on as he found them. He flushed under his plates at how much her scent clung to his shirt, breathing it in deeply, mind going over the events of last night. Her skin and how it felt under his hands, her eyes as they bored into him with passion, the memories made his innards quake. He shook himself free of the recollection and finished picking up the mess they'd made. Dropped her clothes in the laundry. Righted the things on her nightstand that had gone askew.

He was finding somewhere to put an errant pistol mod when he found a drawer full to the brim with sheets and sheets of paper. On it he recognized the lines and black dots that denoted human music. Reverently, he pulled the stack out and sat on the bed, turning to place it next to him. He couldn't recall the last time he'd seen so much handwritten material. Paper was a rare commodity in space, and this had clearly come pre-printed with horizontal lines on it. Specialized for this purpose he realized. There was a title on the top sheet, written in galactic common. He read it aloud, "Violin Concerto 'Normandy' in E flat Major."

He didn't understand what E flat Major meant, let alone what a violin was. Garrus thumbed through the sheets and found that it wasn't just_ a_ song, or concerto or whatever, but many. Hundreds, even. Some were a single sheet, some were dozens. He started to separate them and soon had the entire bed covered in stacks, all written in her even, bold hand. Notations cramped every corner, notes flowed over page after page. He was taken aback at the volume of it, wondering how she found time to do this. He was filled with regret at his woeful lack of understanding, he was sure this was beautiful, a beautiful part of her and he could read none of it. Garrus started when a slim hand dropped on his shoulder.

He looked guiltily up into Shepard's face and she looked down at him with a look that was terribly like embarrassment. She ran her hand through her hair and grinned sheepishly, "You, uh, cleaned."

"I didn't mean to pry. I was looking for a place to put this-" He waved the pistol mod in the air, trying desperately to explain his intrusion.

"-and you found my, um, guilty pleasure." Baffled, Garrus watched her flush.

He chuckled and pulled her to him by wrapping an arm around her waist, sarcastically saying in a drawl, "Oh yeah, as far as vices go, this is right up there with dealing red sand."

She cradled his face in her hands and laughed with him, head thrown back, "It's kind of silly, I know. Now that I see it all out here, there's just so much of it. I hadn't realized how many there were."

He leaned against the headboard and she nestled between his legs, leaning her back against him comfortably. Garrus picked up the sheaf of paper he'd first seen and asked her, "What is a violin?"

She pulled up an image on her omnitool, a young human was holding a shaped piece of wood between his chin and shoulder, there were strings that ran the length of it over which the musician's fingers were poised. Shepard queued the vid and sound rolled softly from the device. It was high and sweet, vibrating through the air with a melancholic mien. Garrus followed the boy's fingers as they deftly flew over the strings, watched his other hand flex a long implement against the strings. Shepard pointed at the instrument, "Drawing the bow over the strings makes them vibrate. Each string is a different size, so it makes a different note. Putting your fingers on different parts of the neck plays all the notes in between."

"They vibrate at different frequencies." At her nod, he smiled, it was physics, he understood physics. "So what is E flat Major?"

"That's a complicated one." She excitedly started explaining how to read music to him, jabbing at it in places to illustrate one point after another. He picked it up easily once he figured out that it was all math. This many beats per measure, as denoted at the beginning, what each of the different black dots meant, what the squiggley things were for,_ quarter rests,_ he thought smugly. And it all clicked once he found out exactly what frequency went with what note. Simple, really. The amazing part was how she knew to compose it this way, how it was shaped into a whole.

He was following with his eyes as she hummed a particularly lovely passage and thinking about telling her he loved her when she suddenly stopped and said softly, "Three weeks."

Garrus froze, the words dying in his throat, and said equally hushed, "The trial is that soon?"

"The batarians are pushing hard, they're calling me a terrorist, and a war criminal. Hackett wants me to go to Earth and surrender quietly." She sighed, putting down the paper and leaning into him.

He reflexively squeezed her arm, a tiny bubble of panic rising in him. Three weeks, it was no time at all. He calculated how long it would take to drop everyone off before heading to Earth and found it terribly short on time for just them. No vacation to some beach with their friends, no time to bring her to meet his mother, no time for...so many things. He took in a deep hitching breath, "What will they do?"

"I don't think they'll let me get extradited, but it's a possibility." He quailed internally at the thought, batarians were not kind to their prisoners, torture being not unheard of. It physically hurt him to think of her in that position, he would die before he let that happened. She patted his arm as she noticed his distress. Garrus swallowed back his fear for her. She continued, "It's more likely that the Alliance will drag it out indefinitely, which means I'll be in a brig on Earth for however long."

It wasn't much better, but at least she'd be safe, well treated. Already knowing the answer, he said, "Don't suppose I could stay there with you?"

She turned a sad smile on him, shaking her head, "Any hint of communication with Cerberus agents, even ones that worked for me, would probably make them suspicious enough to imprison you, too. Might cause a diplomatic incident with the turian government."

He doubted anyone would kick up a fuss over him, but he conceded the point. He didn't want to hurt her chances at acquittal. It seemed grossly unfair after all she'd done to save the galaxy, again. The words he'd been dying to say to her stayed unsaid, he wouldn't do that to her now. He couldn't be that selfish, make her lose yet another thing in her life. He ached to say them anyway, but thrust that feeling down, hid it in his heart for now. He contented himself with just holding her, breathing in the smell of her, so unique, gun oil and flowers.

She lifted away from him and he let go reluctantly. Her face turned away from him as she said, "I'm letting everyone off where they want to go. Do you want to be dropped off on Palaven?"

Garrus pulled her face around to look at him, his long fingers grasping her chin, "You're not getting rid of me that easily. I'll find passage from Earth."

She made a noise of disapproval, "I won't be able to stop them from taking you..."

"Make it a condition of your surrender. Those bastards owe you, more than they'll ever realize." He smiled gently at her, feeling happiness rise in him at the grateful flush in her face. He traced the line of her jaw. "How much time does that buy us to just...?"

Shepard laughed, he marveled to himself at how much she laughed now, so very different from the tense, implacable and emotionless Shepard he first met so long ago. He felt a surge of pride at being the one to make her laugh. "Well, officially, I have until 0800 on the 21st day to surrender the Normandy and myself, with all the traveling in the meantime, minus the trip to Palaven, that'll leave us maybe a day, if we rush."

A day, so woefully short, but a day was better than nothing. His mind scrambled to find ways to make the best of that one day. A couple ideas came to mind immediately, naughty ones, but he suppressed his libido with a ruthless push. It might happen that way, but that one day was too precious to waste on his own gratification.

Garrus yanked her to him and she landed against his chest with a soft 'oof'. He nuzzled her cheek lovingly, rumbling deep in his throat. Flicked his mandibles across her scars, she giggled at the tickly sensation,pushing away from him, rising up on her elbows to look down at him, "You need a shower, Vakarian. You smell like sweaty sex."

"Well, I did happen to get lucky last night with a very lovely woman. She took me home and you know..." He ducked under her playful slap, grabbing her wrists and pulling her in for a kiss. "Then she showed me what a violin is and taught me a new language. Incredible, but she does incredible everyday."

His praise brought a lovely blush to her cheeks, "Don't turians have musical instruments?"

"I've never seen strings on an instrument before, not sure if our fingers can move the same way. We have drums and long tubes with holes in them called a coriolinus." He keyed up an image of a turian playing a march and smiled when her eyes closed to listen to the warbly mellow tones. The dark faced male held it sideways, pinned between cheek and shoulder, his fingers dancing over the four holes in the top of its length and the two along the bottom.

She was much happier when she was talking about music, so he let her ramble about how it was something Terrans called a 'flute'. Nodded when she showed him a picture of one, agreeing that they were much similar. Helped her gather up her songs and banish them back to her drawer. Once they'd tidied up, he took his leave of her, making plans to meet in the CIC later to discuss travel itineraries.

He got into the elevator, feeling the strange coldness of the decking beneath his bare feet. His mind was far away when a thump on the top of the elevator drew his attention sharply up. The hatch opened and a familiar green face peered down at him. Thane dropped down lightly at his side, his every movement stiffly nonchalant, as if he did this everyday. Which he might, Garrus never kept tabs on him to find out.

Garrus sniffed the air and shot a surprised look at the smaller man. If Garrus carried a slight odor from the night's activities, Thane reeked of it. He smelled the spoor of two different women on the male, one of which was alarmingly easy to identify. The drell stared steadfastedly ahead and Garrus grinned, unable to help himself, "So...you and Jack..."

"What happened to your shoes, Vakarian?" The assassin shot him a sly look, daring him to continue.

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck, "Ah...touche."

The men lapsed into an awkward silence, which Thane was the first to break, with a tiny smile curling his lips, "Hell of a night."

"You said it." They laughed softly, with each other, at each other. They separated at the mess hall, Garrus went to the battery to get his spare clothes and a towel and headed to the men's restroom to shower. He lamented not showering upstairs. But he'd had no wish to dress in his soiled clothing right after.

When he opened the door he found one of the shower cubicles already occupied. By Thane, who smiled in greeting when he spotted the turian. Of course he'd want a shower just as much as Garrus would. Garrus was really missing the upstairs bathroom, with its welcome solitude. He was spoiled now for certain. There was nothing for it, he supposed as he slipped with a sigh into the cubicle next to Thane's. The water pounded on his plates soothingly and he stood under it for a while, just enjoying the spray as it relaxed his muscles and chased away the last remnants of his hangover. He rumbled happily.

Thane hissed and it drew his attention. The drell was rinsing out a wound on his shoulder, close to his neck. Garrus focused on it and was startled to see that it was a bite, a ring of bloody indentations that were remarkably similar to the scar that was on his own shoulder. The other man caught his stare with a question in his eyes. _Right, staring at another nude male in the shower, awkward. _Garrus grinned and said, "Humans."

The turian turned to show the drell the scar on his shoulder between the plates of his chest and arm. Thane laughed and said, "Savages."

"Ha. That's what I said." He turned back to the water with an amused hum, "That's looking pretty nasty though, might want to put some medigel on it."

"What are you two ladies gossiping about?" Zaeed strolled into the room, stripped to the waist with a towel slung over his shoulder. He caught what Thane was doing and chuckled, "War wounds. Got some of those myself."

The human stripped the rest of the way and popped into the last stall, lit cigarette in his mouth as he flipped on the water. "Had a girl once who tried to take a chunk out of me every time we had a go at it. One night, she got a little too bitey down by my old john thomas, well let's just say only one of us got out of there alive."

Garrus winced, trying not to imagine teeth in uncomfortable places. And to think, he'd been visualizing Shepard doing...certain things down there, he'd forgotten about teeth. Suppose she got too excited and decided she wanted a nibble? He shuddered, no no no, not gonna happen. He soaped up quickly and scrubbed the sweat and dust from his skin, feeling infinitely better. He said in an aside to Thane, "Did Jack do that?"

Startled, the drell said, "No."

"Jack? I thought I saw you two disappear together." Massani laughed, soaping up his scarred whipcord lean body. "Wouldn't be surprised if it was her. She's got spunk, alright. Bit too young for me, I spent the night in our lovely chief medical officer's company."

Garrus wondered just how much 'thank the spirits, we're all alive' sex went on last night. Judging from the sound of it, a lot. He shook his head in amazement. People really were all the same, responded similarly to high stress situations.

Massani was the first one done, pulling his armor on over damp barely toweled skin, "Well, kiddies, this is goodbye. We're docking at Omega in a few and I'm the first one off this boat. No tears til I'm out of sight, okay? Vakarian, if you ever pry yourself off the Commander's arse, come find me, I have a good feeling we could do some serious damage together. Thane, you stay deadly."

They called their farewells after the man's retreating back, lapsing into silence when the door slid shut. Despite the man's tactless vulgarity, Garrus found he was going to miss the mercenary. He'd become part of the ship, part of them, and part of _her._

"It was Kelly, wasn't it?" Thane threw a panicked look at Garrus, who smiled soothingly as he toweled the moisture off himself, "Relax, your secret's safe with me. Though considering how off balance you are at the mere mention of her name, maybe you'd like to talk about it."

The smaller man sighed as he pulled on his leather pants, the red set, that was different. Garrus looked with interest at the pattern of scales that ran along the drell's back, completely platonic, it was an intriguing pattern. "Jack and I were...in the conference room. I was highly inebriated, as was she. I shouldn't have lost control like that, it complicated later matters.

"When we were done, Jack left and I-. I try to leave-she steps in my path-the smell of bourbon on her breath-hands on my chest-she says 'love me, Thane'-I resist the urge push her away-she could fall and hurt herself-" Garrus watched the drell's eyes flit back and forth, he'd heard of this phenomena before, but watching the memory take Thane so completely was a bit unnerving, "-I step backwards until my legs bump into the table-her hands are everywhere-my head is spinning-she kneels between my legs-intense pleasure rushes through me as she takes me into her mouth-I try to deny her-her teeth latch onto my shoulder-I panic-my hands feel weak-all I can think of is Jack's face, Jack's body-The wrongness makes me push her away finally-she leaves hurt, tears falling down her cheeks like a river and I feel guilt-would it have been so bad to pretend?-I feel a sickening rush of relief as the lock turns red."

Panting slightly, Thane came to a stop, awareness of the present stealing over him. Garrus sees the shame in the set of the man's shoulders, and a flush of crimson embarrassment on his neck frills, "Wow...So you crawled through the ducts to escape CIC?"

With a sigh, he said, "Indeed. I slept for a time in the ventilation between decks as well. And I was afraid that Miss Chambers was at her station and didn't want to cause her further harm by my presence. I never intended to signal interest, I don't understand what I did to garner her attention."

"Riiight. Because it couldn't be the whole dark and mysterious thing. You're not even attractive, scrawny green thing that you are." Garrus chortled to take the sting out of his words, making it clear that he was joking. Thane laughed with him, at ease once again. "You know, Kelly almost cornered me once, too. I made the mistake of trying to get her to shut up by flirting with her. Bad idea, a gross tactical error that had me running away like my ass was on fire. Kasumi never lets me live it down."

He scratched his fringe, giving the shorter man a sideways glance, "For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing by turning her down. She would have been far more hurt if you have given her a...what do the humans call it...a 'pity fuck'."

"What an...awful phrase." Thane ran his tongue around his mouth with distaste, as if the concept was making his stomach turn. "Though I have to admit to my own shame, an accurate one. The yeoman didn't do anything to deserve that...degradation."

Thane clipped on his fringe jewelry, and turned to the turian, "Did I hear Zaeed correctly, Shepard's taking us all to wherever we want to go?"

Garrus remembered that the drell had missed out on the mornings doings too and nodded, "Yeah, she's surrendering the Normandy to the Alliance and there's a chance they may try to detain us if we're with her."

The assassin snorted as if to say, _Let them try. "_Are you going to Palaven?"

"Uh...no, I'm going to hitch a ride from Earth, won't be the first time."

"You've been to Earth before." Thane looked at him curiously.

"Yeah...for Shepard's funeral. Spirits, it seems so long ago now. Like it happened in another lifetime."

"That's not untrue. You are not the person now that you were then. This you is a good friend, true and strong. That past you...was broken by circumstance. As I was when my wife was murdered, as Shepard was whenever you first found her." Thane smiled at his shock, "I do not need to know the particulars to know that Shepard was not always whole. It takes one who has the scars to see them in another. I never imagined to see so many broken souls in one place, nor expected to feel so much joy when they were mended. It is a rare gift that she has and I think she learned it from you."

Garrus felt keen embarrassment at this praise, looking away from the drell's intense stare, "Where will you go?"

"I'm not sure. I think I'd like to ask Jack to forgive me, then ask her if she'd like to travel with me. I'd like to see a desert before I pass." He had a wistful look in his eye and Garrus felt a bone deep kinship with the assassin, so little time, there was just not enough damn time. "Jack has such beauty of soul, buried in the darkness she's wrapped around herself. I've seen the flame in her, flickering like the smallest candle, I'd like to see it grow."

He nodded, agreeing with Thane. They all had hidden depths that begged unearthing. Oh how he was going to miss them, all the brilliant bastards.

Thane gripped the turian's arm, "This is not the end, Garrus. We'll all see each other again, in this life or the next. Fear not."

Thus comforted, Garrus searched out Shepard, to stand beside her as the spirit of the ship diminished with every person's departure.


	31. Chapter 31

The Normandy was eerily empty. All the Cerberus personnel had gone, only Joker and EDI remained to operate the frigate. Not that EDI couldn't have handled the ship on her own, every function was under her control now. Joker stayed because he couldn't stand to leave his beloved ship again. Garrus prayed the Alliance was kind to him, though judging from the sly looks he occasionally saw on Jeff's face, he had some kind of plan in the works.

One other person opted to stay until Earth, Kasumi was around here somewhere. Probably digging through Miranda's old office for treasures or maybe she was just down there in the lounge with that grey box and its ghost for her only company. She'd said she had some business Earth-side, probably the larcenous kind. Garrus just found it easier not to ask.

Shepard was at the galaxy map, her face a mix of worry and frustration. Garrus put his hands on her shoulders and she leaned back into him, sighing. He rumbled into her ear, "What has you all worked up?"

"I'm trying to think like the Reapers. I keep having to remind myself that they're not...really conscious of resources or capturing strategic positions. That it won't matter what the path of least resistance is, they'll just overwhelm us with numbers." She blew an errant strand of hair out of her face and rubbed her eyes. "I think they'll just work their way to the center from the edges, swallowing every world in their path. It's so ridiculously simple, like they've never encountered an actual threat before, which they might not have."

She slumped over the map again, pointing at various clusters, "And once they gain these key systems, the mass relay system will spit them out over the whole galaxy in a matter of weeks. _And I won't be able to do anything about it!"_

Shepard slammed her fists down on the rail, he rubbed her shoulders soothingly, "You have done something about it. You've sent them all off to prepare their people for the Reapers. You can be sure I'll do the same when I go to Palaven."

"Maybe we should have gone pirate, I think I could do more if I was out here and not playing houseguest of the Alliance military."

"You don't mean that. You need the credibility only the governments can give you to really get them to listen. We'll just bide our time until they let slip your leash, which you know they'll do once they realize how deep the shit they're in is." He nipped her ear and was rewarded with a laugh. He loved to hear her laugh. "So you'll play nice and allay their suspicions like a good little marine and we'll be ready out here."

"You know me too well, Garrus. So..." She turned a sly grin on him, looking at him out of the corner of her eye, "Thought about what you want to do on Earth for the day before-?"

"I might have a few things in mind..." He put his arms around her, dropping his voice into a lower register, delighted by the shiver that ran through her body.

"I bet you do, Vakarian." She chuffed, squeezing his arms where they encircled her. "I have a few things to take care of planetside, won't take but an hour or so, but then I'm all yours for the day."

He wanted to tell her that he wanted her to be all his forever, but it wasn't the time, wouldn't be right. "Pick up something nice to wear, something formal."

When she turned a questioning gaze on him, he forestalled her by putting his finger over her mouth, "And before you fire up that big ol' brain of yours, I want it to be a surprise, so try not to think on it too much."

She quirked her brow at him, "Have it your way, Garrus. How formal are we talking? Dress blues?"

"Nothing so military, just something nice. You know how much I love it when you wear a dress."

"You mean, you love how easy access they are." He gasped at her in mock shock, hand clutching at his chest.

"Madam, you wound me." He loomed toward her, until his face was inches from hers. Before he could continue what was certain to be his wittiest repartee ever, she leaned her head forward until their foreheads touched. He closed his eyes at the intense rush of emotion that flooded him. Suddenly he didn't want to let her go to Earth, knew he couldn't stop her, wanted to steal her away to some far off place where not even the Reapers could find her. He ached for it to be so simple.

The moment passed and Garrus felt ashamed that he'd break faith so easily. The galaxy needed her, she needed the galaxy, would spend every breath to protect it. As he would to protect her long enough so she could do it. "Shepard...Jane, I-"

He couldn't continue and from the look in her eyes, she understood. She always understood. She kissed him on his nose ridge and smiled softly, "We'll be planetside in an hour, you might want to go pack. I have to, as well, not that I have much to pack. All the Cerberus uniforms are trashed already, I wonder who'll take the fish? My armor, hmm, I wonder if they'll let me keep that."

"Hmmm, no uniforms, no armor, what's left? That lacy black number with the-" He ducked away from her before she could slap him, a blush rising in her cheeks. He laughed at her, "Alright alright, I'm going."

He chortled to himself all the way down to the battery, where his duffle was already packed and waiting. His weapons lay in their cases, he ran his hand over the Black Widow's case affectionately. Probably wouldn't be prudent to wander around on Earth fully armed and armored, so he put on some civvies, and read over the message he'd received from...an old friend on Earth. A friend he'd been in contact with since they'd gotten into range.

'_Operation successful. Event is go. Type in your old C-Sec badge number into the number 12 kiosk at JS, 1800 hrs. Car will be waiting to take you at 1600 hrs. Good Luck. As per your first request, meet me at the place as soon as you can. Ping my OT. -Anderson.' _Garrus sent a reply heavily laced with gratitude. The man had been reticent at first to help, but Garrus used his powers of persuasion on him, techniques that he'd learned from Shepard. He could only hope the first part of his plan would go off without a hitch, too. It was by far the more awkward part.

* * *

"Do you know how hard it is to get an exhumation order for a person who isn't dead?" Anderson fixed him with a wry grin, watching the workers as they dug into the soft ground. He passed Garrus a flask, it was the same rotgut they'd shared on this very spot almost 3 years ago. The turian winced at the bitter flavor. "Good thing Hackett was around to sign the order, otherwise..."

"It's not like there's even a body in there. We're not disturbing anything, really." Garrus passed the flask back, looking at his chronometer doubtfullly. Shepard must still be running errands, she hadn't messaged him yet.

"Still, puttering about in cemeteries is bad juju. Whatever's in there better be important." It was half-hearted protest, the man had already given in.

"It is. To Shepard." Whether or not she was currently aware of its existence. It was enough that he said it was, Garrus knew. Anderson was a man who was haunted by his past and trying to make good. Shepard figured largely into the bad part, and the turian was sure that Anderson was happy to finally correct this one travesty, this memorial to a woman who was definitely alive and kicking ass. "I appreciate this, Admiral."

"Oh, you heard about my promotion. I gave Udina the councilorship, he wanted it more anyway. The man is welcome to it." Anderson snorted in derision. Like he had so long ago, the human kicked off his shoes and socks and fisted his toes in the grass, "It's good to be home."

"Are you going to be Shepard's watchdog?" Garrus glanced sidelong at the man, who grunted assent. Good, she needed as many allies as she could get here, among the military who resented her for taking up with Cerberus.

"The military is a jealous mistress. It won't forgive or forget easily that Shepard turned her back on us. The whole truth is inconsequential as far as the brass on Earth are concerned."

The casket was lifted out and place to the side of the hole, Garrus approached it hastily. A crowbar was thrust into his hand and he wedged it under the lid. With a grunt, he popped the hermetic seal. A hiss escaped the box as air rushed into the vacuum inside. This casket was never designed to hold a corpse that would gently moulder over time and rejoin the earth around it, it was a time capsule holding the memories of the person that was supposed to be in it.

He pushed the lid back fully and waved away the cloud of dirt that puffed up in his face. There lay the objects her crew had lovingly place in the ground instead of her body. An SR-1 cap from Joker, Tali had placed one of Ashley's books in here, one whose pages were dogeared to the point of disintegration, Wrex's ancient thresher maw tooth dagger, its blade almost fossilized with age. Liara placed a holo of them all, grinning like fools and Garrus ran his talon over Ashley's face, he remembered when they took this, right before Virmire and felt a squeeze in his chest. Shepard took the holo, stating her reasons at the time as documenting a historical trip. Garrus remembered wondering at the time if it was actually possible for Shepard to be sentimental...and now, well, now he knew better. There was a spray of flowers in there, probably from Kaiden, they were wilted but preserved by the airtight casket. He picked them up and inhaled their scent, realizing that the smell was the same as the scent of shampoo she always used.

Lastly, he picked up what he'd put in here on that rainy day. It seemed so small and unassuming in his hand. The OSD flashed sunlight in his eyes. It seemed undamaged, which was a huge relief. Anderson looked over his shoulder curiously, "An OSD? I'm going to have to see what's on it, for security, you understand."

Garrus could hardly be resentful now, after all he'd asked the man to do for him and nodded, putting everything else in a crate he'd brought for the purpose. He was a bit reluctant to show this very personal part of Shepard's past with anyone, but if it had to be anyone, Anderson was a good choice. Would keep its contents secret. The turian gestured for Anderson to join him under a nearby tree. The two men sat in the shade and Garrus plugged the data into his omnitool and queued the vid.

Garrus watched the Admiral's face as it took in the stage, the people of Mindoir and the young girl's family as they watched her play her music on the piano. It grew tight and pained when Anderson saw the timestamp in the corner. When it finished, he said in hushed tones, "Christ, a day before the slavers attacked. As if I needed another reason to eat a bullet."

The human rubbed his eyes and Garrus reached out to squeeze the man's arm, trying to bring him some comfort. Anderson turned to him, his voice a harsh croak, "Tell me she's okay."

"She's okay, David. Still writing music, so much music." The Admiral sighed deeply at Garrus' words, running his hands over his short hair.

"Well...I'm, huh, glad. As inadequate a word as that is. Something went right, finally. Ironic that it happens at the end of all things." Anderson took a deep quaff of his liquor then stood abruptly, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth. "Don't know how much time we have, but Hackett believes her and I'll push, too. Maybe we'll actually be prepared for this fight."

Just then Garrus got a ping from Shepard, telling him she was ready. He sent a reply that he'd be at the base soon and turned to Anderson, "I gotta go. Thank you for this, David. Thank you for everything."

The human waved him off dismissively, "No. This is the least I could do, for my sins. I wish I could be there tonight to see her face."

Garrus laughed, "It'll be a sight I'm sure."

* * *

He changed into his best set of civvies in the aircar ride back to the base and sat there in nervous silence. He was nervous, very nervous. This was technically their first official outing...together. He prayed to whatever spirits might be in the vicinity that he could pull off tonight. Ruining Shepard's last day of freedom would probably put a damper on any tentative and fragile hopes he had for a future with her. It was a lot of pressure and he shifted apprehensively, clasped his hands in his lap. His only consolation lay in the knowledge that he'd bent all of his considerable concentration on planning this whole thing, he hoped it was enough.

As the aircar pulled up to the entrance of the HQ, he took a deep breath and stepped out into the bright sun. Garrus squinted, looking for Shepard's familiar shape. His eyes latched onto a petite woman who seemed to be all curves and he realized with a start that it was Shepard. His jaw dropped as he took her in. She was wearing a silvery blue dress that clung to every dip and swell of her body, accentuating it in all the right places. It fell in a soft asymmetrical sweep almost all the way to the floor. One toned shoulder was exposed, as were her graceful collarbones. She wore a wide brimmed black hat into which her hair must be pinned, there were only a few strands left out to trail enticingly around her face and down the long pale expanse of neck. Skintight black gloves covered her arms up to the elbow, and sparkly jewelry winked at him from her ears, throat and wrists. The whole effect had his heart thumping loudly in his chest.

She walked toward him, the sway of her hips making his mouth dry. She stopped a couple feet away from him and tilted her face to look at him from underneath her hat. A smile bowed her rouged lips and she said, "Looking good, Garrus. I don't think I've ever seen you in a...suit before. Black is definitely you."

He laughed nervously and took her hand in both of his, swallowing, "You are absolutely stunning, Jane. I am stunned, literally."

She blushed prettily, giving a little spin, "You like it? It was a rush job-"

He resisted picking her up and finding somewhere private to show her just how beautiful she looked, _"This_ is a rush job? I feel like I should be hiding you from Kasumi. She might try to sell you to one of her art dealing fences."

Movement out of the corner of his eye drew his attention to two men who were obviously soldiers, and very obviously watching them. Shepard glanced to where he was looking and sighed, "My security detail. I'm not technically on Earth as yet. And we're kind of stuck with them if we're going to leave the base."

Garrus was affronted that her leaders didn't trust her word and growled low in his throat, ceasing when he saw the men tense. He smiled an apology to Shepard, who was eyeing him up and down with approval. She turned toward the car and he dropped into step beside her, "So what's on the agenda, Garrus?"

He heard the men follow them, saw another vehicle pull up behind theirs. Well, at least they wouldn't have to put up with the guards crowding them in the car, "I was thinking...dinner and a show."

She beamed a smile at him, "Oooh. How traditional."

"You know me, a real stickler for protocol." He chuckled at her expression of incredulity, opening the door for her to get in. He slid in after her, using his omnitool to program the aircar's VI to take them to a restaurant near the turian consulate out in the city. An extranet search he'd done earlier gave him the name of a place that did gourmet dextro and levo food, very nice according to the reviews.

Once the aircar was on its way, he leaned back and turned to Shepard, who was looking out the window, so elegant in that shimmering dress that he just wanted to enjoy the sight like it was a painting or some rare sculpture. Her bare shoulder begged him to stroke it, and he did, running his fingers lightly over the smooth skin. She shivered and closed her eyes and he slid closer to her, putting his arm on the headrest behind her. His other hand found hers in the folds of her gown, squeezing it lightly. Without shifting, she said with a grin, "What's in the box?"

He looked to the crate he'd brought from the cemetery and replied, "Oh, a present. You don't get to open it til after dinner, though."

"Aw. I got you something, too, but you don't get to open it til tonight." She was all mischief as she turned to him, leaning back so she wouldn't hit him with the brim of her hat.

He tilted his head roguishly, "Oh, that sounds promising. Is this present Shepard-shaped?"

She laughed throatily, putting one of her hands on his chest. He wondered if she could feel his rapidly beating heart. "Maybe...or maybe not."

"Oooh, a mystery." They arrived then at the restaurant and he stepped out, reaching in a hand to assist her to do the same. He reached back in for the box, which he tucked under one arm. People on the street stared at them. More and more of the humans stopped to stare at the strange couple. Garrus wasn't picking up a hostile vibe, but to be safe they waited for their two buddies to pull up before entering the establishment.

The human host looked down his nose at them, taking in his scars dubiously, brows peaked in a question, "Name?"

"Quintus. Reservations for two."

"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Quintus. Right this way." They were led to a small table with a nice view of the skyline. Garrus flushed inside his plates under Shepard's smirk._  
_

"Mr. and Mrs. Quintus?" Her voice lilted with amusement, her brows raised sardonically.

"Ahahaha. Well, I thought it would be better not to use our real names. And I was too lazy to think up two." He waved the matter away with a hand, embarrassment making him duck his head.

She wasn't letting him off the hook that easily though, "So, when did we get married?"

"Spring last year." He played along, grinning foolishly.

"Where?" She rested her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her hands as she teased him.

"Palaven." He mirrored her stance.

"Was it a big wedding?"

"Huge."

They broke off as the waiter showed up to take their order. Garrus looked around and saw their chaperones at an adjacent table, sitting woodenly. He saluted them with a wine glass sardonically, taking a sip. Shepard chuckled at the startled expressions on the men's faces, "Don't tease the natives. The marines are just following orders."

"How many turian-human couples can they have seen anyway, right?" He drawled, dropping her a slow wink.

"A couple? Is that what we are?" Her eyes were wide, innocent and guileless and he struggled with a nagging doubt that struck him then. She must know how he felt, right?

He swallowed down a sudden lump in his throat, "I'd, uh, like to think we are...if you-if you want-"

She interjected, hands hiding the lower half of her face, and he had trouble deciphering the odd flicker in her jade gaze. "Tell me more about our wedding. What's spring on Palaven like?"

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck, anxiously, "It's beautiful. The sun rays shimmer as they glide through the foggy atmosphere, it shines brightly off the silver leaves on the trees in the orchard, dazzling the eye if you're not careful. There's moss that grows over the ground on our estate, soft and spongy, perfect for laying on. For cloud gazing or star watching. The climate is mild, not blazing and humid like in the summer. At night, the moons fill the sky, and the sound of the wild creatures fills the evening with song."

Her eyes were half-lidded as she listened to him and he continued softly, enraptured by the fantasy, "So many people were there, at our wedding. Everyone we love, my mother made your gown, gave you her wristlet to wear and my heart nearly stopped when I saw you, you were so beautiful. My father gave you an embrace and welcomed you to our family. The service was short. And the reception went on for two days. I'd never seen Massani so drunk, we found him under a table asleep on the third day. We left the party early and spent the third night together in the sacred grove behind my parent's house, where we slept in peace until dawn."

He became aware that he wasn't talking about fictitious Quintus and his bride any more, but the secret longing in his heart couched in a lie. Shepard reached her hand out to cover his, her mouth moving as she tried to say something, anything, finally she whispered, "It sounded lovely. I must have loved it."

He looked deep into her eyes then, filling them with his yearning for her, " I know. No promises, Jane. Just hope."

"Just hope." She echoed, and he saw the shadows lift from her eyes and a sad smile that grew brighter the longer it was on her face until she blazed with joy, "It's enough."

Garrus nodded, and silence fell between them as their food arrived. He picked up his spearing utensil and plucked a purplish cube of meat off his plate, popping it into his mouth and chewing the tasty morsel with relish. He hummed in approval. Shepard was using some kind of pronged tool to eat her meal, which largely consisted of long whitish tubes in a red sauce. He watched in fascination as she twirled the tubes deftly about the prongs and lifted the saucy mass to her lips, which opened then closed around the food, pulling it off the ends neatly. She made an appreciative noise and he laughed at her gleeful countenance. She chewed and swallowed managing thickly, "You know how long it's been since I've had spaghetti? Or anything that wasn't nutrient paste?"

"I remember you seemed to be able to find apples pretty readily." He chortled.

"Lucky for me that day was also the day when I filled Gardner's galley order. Those apples begged me to buy them, they were so ripe." She sighed deeply as she ate another mouthful of spaghetti, as he knew it was called now, "And then I went and blew three of them up. You know, I never was fortunate enough to find more and I checked, oh yes I did, every time we were on the Citadel."

He patted her arm in consolation, "I'm sorry you had to blow them up to prove a point."

She laughed heartily, "It was worth it just to see the looks on your faces. Wiped the smug smirk right off Thane's face."

"Oh and when you pulled out that Viper, I just about crapped myself." He laughed with her, drawing curious looks from around them. "That's one of my favorite stories now."

They enjoyed the meal together, sometimes talking, sometimes just sitting in silence, comfortable with each other. When the plates had been cleared away, he asked her, "Are you ready for your present now?"

She clapped her hands like a child when he put the box on the table before her, slowly taking the lid off and peering inside. Garrus watched puzzlement flit across her features, followed by stunned amazement. She lifted the holo of them all out of the box, and held her breath as she looked at it. He noted with a pang of sorrow how her fingers ghosted over Ashley's smiling face, like his had not one hour before. One by one she pulled the items out and placed them on the surface of the table. She touched each one reverently, "Where did you find these?"

"Once upon a time, there was a box. And in this box, her friends put things that were a part of her, even though they couldn't find her body to put it to rest on her people's homeworld." Garrus watched realization dawn on her face, hoping this truth wouldn't be too painful for her. He spoke each name as she touched them.

"Wrex." She touched the knife, felt a sharp ridge with her thumb.

"Tali." She flipped through the book idly, breathing in its musky old smell.

"Liara." The frozen faces looked up at her, a moment in time stolen and preserved.

"Joker." The cap was dusty, well-worn and was probably the only one of its kind any more.

"Kaiden." The flowers' scent was strong still and she smiled as she touched the petals.

Shepard looked at him questioningly and he smiled softly, mandibles stretching away from his face, "And yes, I put something in there, but I'll give it to you later tonight."

She seemed close to tears, eyes shining too brightly and he pushed his chair closer to her, unmindful of the intense stares that were thrown their way. Garrus pushed his mouthplates against her shoulder, rumbling a hum of comfort, willing her to not cry. Not his strong Shepard, and not in front of these strangers. She straightened her back and smiled at him gratefully, dabbed discreetly at the corners of her eyes with a napkin.

She filled the box with those precious memories again, her gaze lingering on them where they lay on the bottom of the crate. Garrus stood, settling the bill with a flick of his credit chip over the sensor plate on their table. He took the box under one arm and offered his hand to Shepard, marvelling again at how lovely she was. He led her a winding path through the other diners, past their incredulous and disapproving stares, to where the aircar waited for them.


	32. Chapter 32

This was a longer car ride, they had to fly to the other side of this continent to get to their destination. They traveled very high, high enough that the distance was inconsequential, shot through the highest part of the stratosphere like a ballistic missile, it would only take an hour or so to arrive. He watched the ground as it flew past them. There was still a lot of wilderness down there, cities this far from the coast were spread pretty far apart, a lot like Palaven. The turians had noticed what deforestation was doing to their world early on and established strict laws on which areas could be exploited or turned into cities. He was glad Earth wasn't one huge metropolis like Illium, places like that seemed soul less to him, no reminder of the natural world to balance the occupants' perspective. He looked at Shepard, who was watching him and said, "Going pretty far for a first date, aren't we?"

"I told you it was a surprise, so don't think too hard about it." He chided her with a smile, "I had to jump through a lot of hoops to get this to happen."

She grinned abashedly, hand coming up to fiddle with her ear jewelry, "It's hard to turn it off, you know? The thinking."

"I know, but try, for me." He reached out and pulled her to him, mindful of her gown and hat. She giggled into his shoulder and he ran his thumb across her collarbones and she gasped with delight. He growled seductively against her throat and pulled away regretfullly, adjusting his pants to try to hide his arousal, "We'd better stop or we'll never make it to the show. You and that damn alluring dress are making it hard."

Her gloved hand teased him through the fabric of his trousers and he inhaled sharply. Her smile was wicked as she said, "Oh? Make it hard, do we? So I see."

"Jane, seriously, if you don't want me to rip that dress off and have my wicked way with you, we need to stop, I'm barely holding back as it is." Mercifully, she ceased playing with his cock and he groaned as it slid back into his plates, still thick and heavy with need. He could see that making it through tonight without ravishing her was going to be a trial.

Thankfully, they reached their destination, a huge sprawling city spread out below them. The aircar slid through the riotous traffic easily, parking outside a complex made up of many glass and steel buildings. Garrus helped her out of the car with a flourish, extremely pleased at her expression of awe as she looked around. She breathed, "Julliard..."

They joined the crowd of people at the kiosks and Garrus found the appropriate one and got their tickets. The auditorium's entrance was packed with people talking excitedly to one another, there were even a few aliens here. A few turians loomed over the shorter humans, he saw a small group of hanar conversing with some older humans, their hair white with age. There was even a flash of a quarian mask or two.

He held his arm out stiffly to Shepard, in imitation of some of the couples around them and she rested her hand lightly on it. They walked in through the double doors to a huge room filled with seats, he snagged a program on his way to their assigned places. Shepard seemed shocked at how close to the front they were, "Wow. These are really good seats. Must have cost a pretty penny."

"Don't fuss. I got this." He was inwardly grateful for Anderson, who had helped organized all this and gotten him the tickets. They were eyed up and down by official looking people near them, their faces a study in cultured disdain. He smirked at them and they turned away in a huff, finding new targets for their haughty derision. He risked a glance at the program, holding it away from Shepard, who quirked an amused brow at him, but she relented in her damnable curiosity. Struggling to hide his glee, he saw that the whole reason he'd brought her here was there in the program, near the bottom, the last three selections. He repressed his impatience and harshly told himself that the wait would make it all the better. He tucked the program into his breast pocket and took her hand just as the house lights went dim.

A polite cheer went up as a woman in a green gown took center stage. The graceful middle aged woman gestured for silence and her voice rolled over them, "The Julliard School is proud to present tonight's orchestral selections. Some ancient and some modern, all composers whose names have been lost to time. These anonymous geniuses, who for one reason or another remain unknown to us, have left us only their works to wonder at. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us tonight, our school humbly offers these masterpieces as tribute, may they never be forgotten."

The stage lights brightened as the woman made her way off to the right, revealing a huge group of musicians with a startling array of musical instruments. A man in a black suit with tails on the jacket held a baton at shoulder height and at its first downward sweep, the music crashed over them, making him sway under its powerful spell. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Shepard's face beam as she listened intently. He watched the musician's ply their art, dextrous hands flexing over keys, strings, holes, the variety of sounds was amazing.

Six songs later and he was still stunned, all the songs were so vibrant and different from one another, truly humankind held a diversity of spirit not present in any other species. He watched the conductor's hands glide through the air and came to a startling realization. He'd seen some of the same gestures and sweeping motions when Shepard directed them on the battlefield, and he gaped at her for a moment, but her eyes never left the performers.

Was this how she saw war? Not a clash of two opposing sides, but a harmony between them, all contributing to the creation of something greater, coming together to become a moment of beauty as soldiers on both sides strove to live, some succeeding, some not, but their energies flowing together like streams into a river, no, a torrent of existing in a single instance, the joy and agony of life in a single breath.

This insight rocked him, and he felt that the idea might be appalling to some, a reduction of each person to being only an instrument in a play, but in his soul he could feel that it was more. What he was hearing and feeling was that the music was alive, as alive as anything could be said to be living. Each distinct instrument brought all their passion to bear in the creation of it. And it was not an easy birth, it was filled with chaotic emotion, the good and the bad, but greater for the inclusion of it all.

The stage dimmed and the woman in the green dress strode to the forefront again. She gazed out across their enraptured faces, "Our last author of the evening is an even deeper mystery than most. A burst of glorious creation, then silence. Whatever happened, she, as it may be only my vanity to think of her as a she, clearly meant to continue and it is our deepest regret that we do not have _four_ selections to present tonight, but alas the fourth was unfinished, no more than a single inspired movement-"

She waved away the sounds of sad disappointment that drifted to her, her face tinged with sorrow, "-it is not known what happened to her. It is a dangerous galaxy after all, but all of us poor students of the arts, and hopefully, you, who have decided to join us, beseech the gods to give her peace in knowing that her existence is not forgotten, though her name may be lost."

She bowed and exited the stage. When the lights came back up, a piano sat on the stage predominantly. A smaller orchestra present behind it, along with a chorus made up of five women and four men. Jane had gone very still next to him and he couldn't look at her yet, not yet. A young woman in a white dress whose train swept the stage behind her walked slowly to the piano and a feeling of deja vu fell over Garrus, who thought that if he looked to his right he might see a colony woman with gold hair or if he looked left, a pair of boys with red hair would be staring at him laughingly. It was eerie how they seemed to press him with their presence.

The girl sat gracefully, her hands floating over the keys, forearms at a right angle to the rest of her body. Garrus felt Shepard start to tremble at the first note and finally wrenched his gaze to her, half afraid of what he might see and gasped at how she seemed to burn in that seat next to him, the fire in her eyes the only indication that she was aware at all, her face was so still, so emotionless. He was reminded of when he'd first met her, her inscrutable mask that hid madness beneath it. This wasn't madness, but he found it nearly as frightening and gently squeezed her hand where it lay clenched in her lap. A tear slipped down her cheek and she turned her face to him. He looked into those burning eyes with difficulty and ran a talon over her cheek, collecting her tear and placing it on his tongue. She shook with suppressed emotion and whispered, "It's too much. I can't-"

"I've got you. It's okay." Garrus tried to project calmness at her, felt her still under his hand and relax. Eventually, her trembling ceased and she just listened with awe, her eyes wide and childlike in her face. This was worth every bit of time he'd spent putting it together just to feel this with her, every feeling that she expressed he felt at the same time, like they were one person in two bodies. He even felt a lesser connection to all the people around them as they too marvelled at the wonderful compositions. He could feel the spirit of this place rejoice.

Garrus applauded with the rest as the concert came to a close, but his eyes were only for her. She blushed as she listened to the riotous cheers, seemed so endearingly embarrassed by them. They walked slowly to the exit, her head was tilted thoughtfully and she clung to his arm tightly. Her soft voice broke the silence between them once they had broken free of the crowds, "I'd thought that there wasn't much left in the universe that could surprise me so completely. Thank you, Garrus. This is-I can't even think of a word that comes close."

"Wonderful? Spectacular? Amazing?" He swung her around in the air and she laughed, that glorious laugh filled the air.

"All that and more, magnitudes more." She grinned down at him and he set her gently on her feet, her countenance took on an excited, furtive air, "They're playing my music, _my music_, at Julliard. I wondered what Anderson had done with it. Your idea?"

He rubbed his neck, "Maybe. It didn't seem right to bury that, too and we both were...charmed by the thought of a piece of you floating around forever."

She looked around at the school's buildings with longing pulling at her expression, "I was going to come here to learn, was actually packed when the slavers took that all away. Julliard...it's surreal to be standing here now. The dream of my youth corporealized before me."

"We could go back in there and tell them the truth-" He knew that was never going to happen. It was confirmed moments later by Shepard.

"No. I can't be this, now. As much as I would like it, I don't get to have this and do what needs to be done. Dreams change." Garrus motioned that they should walk through the adjacent park and noted that their two shadows trailed them at some distance. Night had just fallen and he watched Earth's moon on the rise, smaller than Menae, but no less luminous. "Let it stay anonymous."

"Did you ever finish that fourth, uh, symphony?" He treasured the normalcy of this all, the walk, their gentle conversation, her hand in his. Like they were a normal couple, that there weren't huge tasks looming over their heads, waiting to crash down and fill them with their terrible purpose again. Who knew if there would ever be time for this again, she deserved to relish every second of it.

"No...and I couldn't now if I wanted to." She smiled at the pensive frown that pulled his mandibles tight to his cheeks. Laughingly, she said, "There are...moments, you know? And when they're gone, they're gone forever. Each piece of music was a moment and that one's was over too long ago to try to resurrect."

Garrus understood, had felt the power of moments. Moments like the one in the auditorium, or like the final confrontation with Saren, or even the thing with the apples. So many instances that were gripping while you were in them, but were shallow memories after, fading with time. That made them no less cherishable, it was merely a fact of recollection. He wondered briefly if it was momentously powerful each time Thane was lost in solipsism, it must be emotionally wracking without the filter of time to cloud the feelings engendered every time. More of a curse than a blessing. "Do you think Thane lives in moments or memories?"

Shepard, wincing, said, "I...hope for the latter and fear it's the former."

There was silence as they contemplated this. Garrus shook himself and lead Shepard to a bench under a copse of trees and they sat for a time, listening to the sounds of insects living in the grasses around them. Garrus steeled himself for the next part, shame made the back of his neck hot as he turned to her, "I..have a confession, Jane."

She pursed her lips, waving a hand for him to continue. He took a deep breath and pulled the OSD out of his pocket, handing it to her, "I had this for a really long time before you died. I couldn't seem to find the right time to give it to you and then, well, there was no time left. I'm sorry."

She turned it over in her hand and plugged it into her omnitool. He couldn't see the screen from this angle, but he'd watched it so many times now that he could close his eyes and see it unfold perfectly. He waited breathlessly for recrimination, eyes closed, mandibles starting to ache from the tension of being clenched to his cheeks. Her breathing came in choked sobs and his heart was bursting with guilt. He should have given it to her when he'd first gotten it from Liara, it was wrong, so wrong of him to keep it from her. The decision he'd made at the time now seemed basely cruel, a selfish act that surely damned him.

Garrus was completely unprepared for the press of soft lips against his and his eyes shot open in surprise. She threw herself into his lap, pulling his face to hers in a crushing grip. It was almost painful, but he welcomed the discomfort if it meant that she harbored no hate towards him for his cowardice. She started laughing, a joyful peal that shook her whole body, "You gave them back to me. I'd almost forgotten their faces. All of them. Oh, my heart, my heart."

Shepard held a hand to her chest as her breaths heaved, her face a grimace of elation. He saw with alarm how her pulse pounded at her neck and wrapped his arms about her, pulling her close with a rumble. She locked her burning eyes onto his, "My god, Garrus. You are a wonder."

"Guess that means you're not mad." He nuzzled her jaw, breathing in her scent. The gun oil smell was fading, he wondered if it would fade completely with time, or if it was ground into her soul.

Her eyebrows shot up in disbelief, then she smiled ruefully, "Makes my gift seem a little silly."

She placed a palm sized box in his hands, with a sheepish grin. Garrus untangled his arms from her just enough to open the top. Inside was a tightly coiled rope of brilliant red hair. He gasped and shot a look at her as he unwound the coil from its resting place. It was about an inch thick and nearly a foot long. It burned with color like embers in his palm. With shaking hands he reached up and removed her hat. Hair fell around her face, short, none of it longer than the breadth of his palm. It made a soft cloud around her head, the ends catching fire in the moonlight, like a burning halo. Her face was filled with trepidation under his intense stare. He set her hat down and ran his talons through her shorn locks, feeling how light and different it seemed. "Spirits, Jane..."

She ducked her head, "Wasn't exactly regulation, as long as it was. And I thought you'd like a...token to take with you, to remind you of me."

He could tell that she was bothered by his reaction, and searched for a way to allay her fears, his utter sincerity coloring his tone, "I like it, it's beautiful, honestly. The light is making it like a halo. And this..."

He held the coil tightly, moved by her thoughfulness. He swallowed a lump in his throat, "I will treasure it, Jane. But I don't need it to remind me of you. I'm always thinking about you. Right now I'm thinking about how quickly we can make it back to the base and get that dress off you."

She laughed and they raced back to the car, past their astonished guards who took after them at a respectful distance. The aircar ride back was an affair of steamy caresses and sighs that inflamed the blood and they barely made it back fully clothed before he attacked her in her temporary quarters and he made love to her until she collapsed in exhaustion, almost instantly asleep the minute her head hit the pillow.

Deeply satisfied, he drank in the sight of her laying there, sweat dripping off her skin to soak the sheets. Garrus leaned over, careful not to jostle her and whispered in one sleeping ear, dropping the barely audible words he dared not say to her awake, "I love you."

His heart raced as she turned over fitfully, sliding closer to his warmth. He traced a thumb over her shoulder blade, crooning softly. Sleep would pursue him for the rest of the night, but he didn't want to lose any second of these last few hours with her. So he chased sleep away, ruthlessly. It was a moment he would keep in his heart as a sweet memory on the lonely nights to follow.

He was looking into her face when her eyes opened in the light of morning and she flashed him a sleepy grin, stretching every muscle and popping a few joints. He leered at her and ducked as a pillow flew at his head. She flounced to the shower in this small apartment, tossing an invitation over her shoulder, "Care to join me?"

"Thought you'd never ask." He bounded after her with a grin. They scrubbed each other raw, making small talk and laughing. Neither one wanted to think about what was about to happen, some 60 minutes from now. They dressed in their best military attire, she in dress blues and he in his grey armor. He took the time to polish it to a mirror shine, even had time to put on his rank and insignia, which he almost never did. She made a sound of approval as she put on her shoes, "As good as you looked last night, I think I like you best in armor. My Garrus Vakarian, deadly turian sniper and tactician."

"Aw, and here I thought you liked me best out of my armor." He chuckled as she blushed, flustered. He looked out the window, "The jeep is here."

Shepard grimaced and straightened her shoulders, "Ready?"

"Are you?" He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, saw her jaw clench with resolve. He held the box of all of her belongings under his arm, his duffle on his back and hands full of weapon cases.

"As I'll ever be." She marched out to the jeep, taking the passenger seat. He jumped into the back and plopped down as the vehicle started moving, bouncing along the road past all the squat utilitarian buildings. The Normandy was at the airstrip, grounded for the first time since she was rebuilt. It was odd to see it just sitting in an airfield, powered down, looking oddly derelict.

The jeep pulled up to where two groups of people stood facing each other. Garrus hopped out with Shepard and they both stood shoulder to shoulder with Chakwas and Joker, facing Admiral Hackett and Anderson and their retinue of MPs. There were other officials there for the look of the thing, but this was between the Admirals and Shepard and her crew, obviously.

Shepard stepped smartly forward, saluting the men with a snap, "I, Commander Shepard of the Normandy SR-2, do hereby surrender my ship and crew to Alliance authority, with the sole exception of my XO, Garrus Vakarian, who, as a condition of said surrender, will be allowed to leave Alliance jurisdiction unmolested."

Hackett stepped forward, his face a stony mask as he returned her salute, "On behalf of the Alliance, I accept your surrender and its condition. This detail will take Mr. Vakarian directly to the closest spaceport where he will depart immediately following these proceedings. By the authority invested in me by the Alliance government, I strip you of your rank of Commander and remand you into our custody to await trial on the charges of treason, sedition and crimes under the Articles of War."

There was no time for goodbyes as the line of Normandy's crew turned on their heels and marched swiftly away. Garrus watched her retreating back until it disappeared into a nearby building, probably their brig. Two MPs flanked him and Anderson nodded curtly for him to follow. An aircar landed nearby and Anderson climbed behind the wheel, Garrus sat in the passenger seat. He set the box in the back, next to his duffle and weapon cases. He pointed at it and turned to Anderson, "That's Shepard's."

"I'll make sure she gets it." They lifted off the ground and flew west, where Garrus could just see the glittering dome of a commercial spaceport, shuttles and ships flitting about it like insects.

Garrus looked sidelong at the Admiral, "You'll watch out for her?"

Anderson smiled, "She'll be on complete lockdown, no messages in or out. No visitors, nothing beyond the basic freedoms they have to give her. I'll do what I can to make sure her time is easy. If incredibly boring."

Garrus snorted, "Shepard doesn't get bored. She'll always finds something to do."

There was a long silence as the men sat in agreement. Anderson said softly, "How did she like it?"

"I think it was a memorable evening." His droll tone suggested how much of an understatement this was and the human laughed lightly. Garrus had expected that he wouldn't be able to contact her, but it still hurt. He missed her already, a deep sigh left his throat. He fingered the cord of red hair that he'd tied around his right wrist like a pairbonding wristlet, its soft strands comforting.

The human glanced down at it, his brows lifted in sharp surprise, "Is that what I think it is? Of all the idiotic-"

Garrus stopped his tirade with a raised hand, not really surprised that Anderson understood this facet of turian culture, "No vows were exchanged, David. Not from her anyway."

Mollified, the human pulled the aircar into the spaceport garage, "Does she know what that means?"

Ashamedly, the turian ducked his head, "Uh, no..."

Anderson snorted at his discomfort, "I'm pretty sure she'd be a little irritated if she knew. Are you sure, Vakarian? I know this is kind of a one shot deal for you guys."

Garrus thought about this feeling, this bereavement that he could already feel creeping in around the edges and touched the wristlet again like a talisman, "I've never been so sure about anything in my life."

"Well, then you better make sure you tell her someday, before she finds out for herself." The man laughed at him as he lead the turian to a waiting shuttle, helping him with his cases. He gave the long black case a curious shake, "What's this?"

He grinned with proprietary pride, "Black Widow."

The admiral frowned, "Impossible. The reason I know it's impossible is that the Black Widow was cleared for production two days ago, the first one isn't even off the line yet. I signed the order myself."

Garrus tapped the side of his nose ridge, a gesture he learned from Massani, "This is the prototype. Certain friends of a friend of mine worked some magic to adapt a M-98 Widow so it wouldn't try to take my arm off with every shot."

"Huh, friends of a friend...Well, I won't keep you. I assumed you wanted to go to Palaven directly so this shuttle will take you to a turian frigate in orbit going that way. Safe travels, Vakarian." Garrus saluted the man, who grinned as he saluted back, looking younger and more carefree than he ever had for a moment. Then the human reached a hand out and Garrus clasped it in his warmly. Then without a backwards glance, the admiral walked away. Garrus leaned back in his seat and started planning as the shuttle lifted off, turning over options in his mind, running at the problem of convincing the turian government that the threat was imminent and snorted as he realized an uncomfortable truth, grimacing.

"Aw crap, I'm going to have to talk to my dad."


End file.
